Why can’t someone be non-confrontational and still be dom in bed?… Can any dogmatic pea brained man explain that to me?

I like to be dominated and i like to make my men squirm, but only with pleasure.
So i guess like Ed says in a way im a bit of both depending on the situation.
Russ i think is a stereotyping plonker.

Its fab to read a blog like yours; a woman who knows what she wants and can get it in certain situations; but isnt a size 10 (im a 16) and has insecurities that mirror my own rather well!

Come and have a look at my blog if you fancy, but ive been a whiney whinger lately so try my first post for a true taste of my neurosis! work from there if you like it!
I’ll no doubt post on a later one…
xxx

However, a response like Russ had to this post gives a pretty good hint about how I’d ultimately categorize him.

I always hear about the way dommes have men throwing themselves at our feet. I wish that would happen to me just one time. Maybe if I dressed up (changing from tennis shoes to mary janes presumably doesn’t count) or was sexy or something. Oh well

Did you get his number?

Actually, I sympathise entirely – though from a different perspective. I am loud. I am brash and bold and rude and confident. I wear black velvet and red lipstick and high heels. I am flirtatious and sarcastic and straightforward. I am also a complete total and utter sub.

I rather wish The Universe would rear it’s head and realise this. Wait, no, that’s not what I mean: I wish, as I suspect you do, that The Universe would stop assuming that my outward appearance tells you much about my sexuality and admit that it’s own assumptions are wrong once I’ve pointed this out to them. The conversation you described could never happen to me, but something that was similar in some respects happened recently. I shall paraphrase.

Man In Club: Oh Mistress my Mistress. Please to be beating me up now kthx.
Me: Ah. Well. Er. No thanks.
MIC: But oh! You are obviously a Domme of great import. I thow myself at your feet!
Me: Actually, I’d rather you didn’t. Can I go back over to that bloke there who was just calling me a whore in a rather wonderful manner now, please?
MIC: But you’re not a sub! Please to be beating me up now kthx.
Me: OH GOD I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THIS. See. Bloke. Over there. Other bloke. Over there. Woman. Over there. Ask them. They have all tied me up and hit me. Er. Go away?
MIC: *repeats self*
Me: Oh good God. If this carries on for much longer I *will* give you an order. You won’t like it. And not in a good way.

At one point a large group of leering men asked if I was a sub. I simply laughed. For a bout five minutes. Until my sides hurt. I imagined them watching what I like to do to naked tied up boys, and reacting with the “OMG my penis is about to fall off I saw a MAN in the position I like to put my WOMEN I must BOIL my EYES!” freak out that I imagine they go through when finding my porn.

The laughing gives you time to think of something clever to say, and it makes it super clear that’s not what you are there for. All I said was “No.” when I was done laughing, but no one ever asked me again.

That, and two pretty boys were attracted by my evil cackling and I got to hurt them. All in all, I think this is a “win” tactic and I keep it in my brain.

I used to think I was a weirdo magnet, and a male-dom-smackdown magnet. Then I worked out that EVERYBODY is a weirdo, and simply LOADS of males are trying to smack down every female authority figure they come across. So it wasn’t me, Bitchy, and I’d bet any money I had that it isn’t you, either.

It’s them.

Really.

*waves to Bitchy*

I felt the need to point out that I think Bitchy is indeed behaving as any Dominant would, if another person stepped in, and, unsolicitedly, instructed her how she should and should not behave in this or that situation.

Now, if any person (whether sub, dom, switch, chinese, martian, green blue or purple) just butted in and instructed a person they didn’t know in how to behave (at the same time making the erroneous assumption along the way that the result you got wasn’t the one you actually wanted), (and also by the way assuming that the instruction would be welcome as if coming from some revered domming guru), I’d be willing to bet money (not being a money gambler by nature) on the fact that the response might just not be entirely positive, and/or grovellingly grateful.

(and if that isn’t one of the longest sentences I’ve constructed ever. Ack.)

“Er, no.” sounds like a perfectly assertive dommy response to me. Hell, it sounds like a perfectly assertive _anybody_ response to me.

(I’m not one of those people who confuses aggression with dominance)

Telling a story, in my opinion, is _not_ the exact same thing as putting out an all-units-respond request for advice.

Now, that is my (unsolicited) opinion, not offered as fact.

And so what if my response isn’t so very timely? So I responded a teensy bit late in the day. Sue me.

*have made a note that Bitchy likes long comments*

*aside from the fact that I am uncontrollably verbose*

Whatever.

Great post, and extremely entertaining blog, Bitchy. I’ll be reading regularly. Thank you very much for offering your point of view, so amusingly expressed.

*hopes the comment amused just a tiny bit*

Smiles and waves, from

Lubyanka.

ps: I also don’t think that a person’s dominance has anything to do with what I think about it or not. You go, Bitchy. Dominate the crap out of anybody who lets you, in whatever way you want, that’s what I say.

*puts the comment down now and backs away slowly*

“Submit Comment”

We all know by now what Bitchy is really all about. I think I’m a lot more confident than you are/were, Bitchy (and thin, sorry), but I still relate to you a lot as a sister female dominant. Going back and reading this I am scratching my head about Russ’ misplaced advice. He has/had his head up his ass. Rock on, Bitchy.