The Old Boys

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And so it was written, that in femdom’s darkest hour, when all seemed lost and everything was broken, there would come an woman who alone would have the power to save everyone and everything from the horrors of misogynistic doctrine, penile obsession, stuff no one really finds sexy that has somehow become compulsory, disgusting disturbing parodies of femininity, the erasing of real dominant female desire and all the rest of that whole heap of stinking lies smeared all over this sexuality so it can become a thing that makes money instead of a thing of real bursting pure joy.

That woman’s name? Bitchy ‘Bitchy’ Jones.

Course, no one can be the saviour of femdom all the time. Sometimes I just like to take the night off and be nice to people.

*

Now look, one thing I notice on all the various kinky places I hang out online and very, very occasionally in real life (i.e. less than never - I miss my delete key) , is that a lot of female doms seem to want their male subs young and pretty. Or at least, that’s something I often hear expressed.

Youth. Now, first of all, I can see why the youth thing works. The whole trophy sub deal. Women are raised to compete with each other. Doms can sometimes be a bit, well, you know, a bit grrr. Dom women so like to win. (Shut *up*, you so do.) And that, I think, is where the trophy sub thing comes in. Young good looking guy, dress him up, parade him around. And I *get* that, I get where it’s coming from. Nice to have something to boast about that’s as hard and non-negotiable as a number. But what I hate is the knock on from that that makes older sub men sometimes feel like they aren’t valued.

Like there’s an upper age limit on this thing. And age where you need to be put out to pasture. Stud years behind you. Now, you know, I think these men need to be called back up to active duty.

I talk to this guy online sometimes. Mr Blue Sky. I’m kind of slightly in love with him. He’s 44. Ten years older than me. He apologises for his age all the time. Reminds me of it like I must have forgotten and that is why I’m talking to him. The easy thing to tell him would be that I don’t care about age. But that would be a lie. I care. Oh god, do I care, I find his age really fucking hot.

Yeah, I know I’m sounding kind of mellow today – Imagine it Elizabeth’s ranting about femdom being crap whilst going on about enslaving men and hitting them with stuff and I’m all calm and nice and upbeatish - can you say body swap caper film? And no, I’m not loved up. Well, maybe a little in a kind of hopeless and futile and there’s-a-whole-ocean-in-the-way way. (Mr Blue Sky lives in hot part of America. Did I mention that I’m slightly falling for him?)

See, young men, young submissives, oh, they look pretty on your arm or under your feet or under your lash or under your table or under your thumb or under - you know - whatever (I haven’t run out of ‘unders’ there, btw – I could go on all night with this shit…under your floorboards, under your buttocks, under your gooseberry bush, under your 5 inch stilettos, under your natural innate superiority… See, all night - it’s what I *do*)

But parading is one thing, playing is rather another.

Because a bit of age and a bit or dirtying up and a bit of creasing and crumpling is so much better for your actual doing of the thing. A bit of battered and receding and graying and creping and sagging and crinkling. You know I like big. You know I like muscular. But I like muscles that have been well used.

Because younger men –see - are more likely to have their pretty little heads still stuffed full of nonsense from porn and pros. More likely to expect stuff to go the way of their fantasies. More likely to expect to secretly run the show. (Oh, and - newsflash -, subs are not meant to secretly run the show. That’s a lie. If the sub is in charge you’re doing it wrong. I prefer to think of it that the dom is the invading army, the sub is the enslaved population and the sub’s brain/groin/sexuality is a traitorous collaborator with the occupying power. No, I don’t overthink these things. What do you mean?)

But anyway, my point here is that older sub men are more likely to have been in a relationship with a real dom woman and therefore had all the prodom/porn crap beaten out of them.

Saving me a job.

And then, god, you know, I love experience. I like a man with a few stories to tell. A few techniques to share. Who’s knows his own body. A man who can take me aside afterwards and say:

Next time, you can make it really make it hurt for me if you…

That was great, but you know I can take much more than that if you want to just…

Well, if that’s what you really want, the only time I think I ever cried during a scene was when she…

And I like the romance of a man who’s jaded with it. Who knows that this stuff hardly ever works out quite right and doesn’t assume it will play like his fantasies. Who’s fucked it up too many times already. Who ruined his knees long ago. Who has a couple of scars from letting her do things he really shouldn’t have, but he let her do anyway, because they turned him on so much he wasn’t thinking. A man who’s not scared of his submissiveness or ashamed by it. Who doesn’t hate what he is and what he wants and start channeling that hatred into me.

A submissive man who doesn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks when he goes down.

And here’s the biggest thing. The thing I’ve managed to acknowledge by stepping out from behind my arrogance and control freakery (comes on special offer with the whole dom package) apart from any damn thing else, I need a man who knows what to do when I drop.

Who knows that when I lower the strap and start shaking and am right on the brink of losing, losing, losing it that it won’t hurt the scene, or his ego, or his damn erection to reach up – to reach out of role - and take my hand and look me right in the eye and tell me that he loves me (even if he doesn’t) and that I should hit him again (even if I shouldn’t). Right now. A lot harder.

But you show me the piece of Fem!Dom! porn that teaches a man to do that. Experience teaches a man to do that. Age, experience and a heart like a fucking lion.

So, yeah, maybe that was really about experience not age, and not all older men are experienced. Some men come out really late. Some men have been in relationships with strange, inexplicably unsexy-kink facilitatory women, some men have been playing at being doms to get laid (*winks*), and some young men confound expectations by just being so wise and clear and knowing it makes me want to cry. So it’s definitely experience I’ve been really talking about here – not age.

But even age, just the raw numbers, can be special to me. And actually, that stuff I just wrote about is all great but it isn’t the reason I find Blue Sky’s age really fucking hot.

The biggest, simplest thing about age is this: I want men to give their power to me. The symbols of masculine power that attract me are physical strength and size, intelligence, status and, yes, age. Men in their forties (well that’s older than me, so shut up) are pretty powerful figures in society. Well, they are to me – they can certainly represent that to me.

And there’s a tiny extra edge of humiliation in a man submitting to a younger woman that gets me off extra hard. A big man, who is stronger than me, smarter than me, better educated, more affluent, more accepted and older, ten years older, giving that up to me. Me! That is a very, very powerful piece of power exchange indeed.

And you know how traditionally men are meant to like younger women because they are more naïve and easier to control…?

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