Sexy Back pt II

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Last time I forgot to explain why I called this Sexy Back. It’s because one day I was sitting at home watching TV and Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back comes on and I don’t even like Justin Timberlake particularly but I am half listening and then going, ‘huh…, shackles? Wha-,…whip you, what?’

And I go out and all day I am thinking …huh…shackles…you’ll *let* me whip you…that’s kind…huh?… Did I hear that song right?

Anyway cut to the next three weeks of my life spent flipping through the music channels I get on my TV hoping to stumble on way-too-skinny-for-me-Justin hitting my kink buttons with a big hammer. The song was on heavy rotation so I got lucky a lot. (And you’re thinking, huh, Bitchy, why didn’t you just watch it on You Tube? And I’m thinking, now you mention it, why didn’t I?)

But here’s the thing. Dom women get no porn. That is the law. We can fuck off. No one makes porn for us because we are just a figment of some dirty sub man’s fantasy and therefore no porn baron’s target demographic. Imaginary people don’t buy much porn. But, at the same time, because we don’t exist no one bothers to worry about shoving stuff that will turn us the fuck on – and possibly cause accidents if we are operating heavy machinery – into the public domain.

If I had been operating a buzz saw the first time that song came on the radio I wouldn’t be typing anything like this fast now.

But now, more random sick shit I like.

3. Clothed female, naked male
Okay, before we start, although this is lovely, and I intend to talk about it’s loveliness for, god, just ages, it only works if I’m wearing *normal* clothes. Or there’s no inequity.

What female doms are expected to wear is so stupid. I mean has no one noticed that it looks exactly the same as what female subs wear? Supa-stupid example – here is a prodom wearing a collar. WTF?

If you read the accompanying article she says this is because it is ‘intimidating’. Well I suppose being *totally* *fucking* *confused* is somewhat intimidating – so yeah, good call, ma’am.

Why should anyone think I should wear the kind of stuff that female subs get *made* to wear?

This is why I keep failing to push the button to subscribe to Men in Pain properly instead of rummaging around on Free Hardcore all the time. I can’t give them my money because I just can’t get down with the clothes the women *wear*. And you know how I feel about the shoes – but, my god, the shoes.

I can’t really look at a woman in high heels without seeing her as uncomfortable and vulnerable. And that’s all upside down. One clip I was watching had quite a hot guy in all these chains and a woman in shoes that I’m sure previously belonged to a cartoon character pulling him along and he pulls back against her and she just slid across the floor. I saw it. He could have dragged her right across the room if he’d wanted.

Do you want to know something weird? Something that will freak you out? I don’t wear shoes when I am having sex. I don’t wear a duffle coat either.

But I might wear pyjamas or a T shirt and jeans and then if he’s naked and vulnerable and unable to hide his desire, well, that’s quite hot. Then we have vulnerable and uncomfortable in just the right spot.

A lot of the nicest, sweetest, bestest things in femdomia are about just taking away enough of his power to flip things over. Just restricting him or degrading him *enough*.

Not shitting on his face or encasing him entirely in an inflatable rubber sack (and my orgasm is, where, exactly?), but meeting him at the door with a kiss and a box into which the only clothes he brought with him are going to be locked until late Sunday afternoon.

Yes, baby, all of them. And the watch – it’ll get in the way.

I once saw one of those shows on TV about freaky people who have weird-ass sex lives – I used to watch a lot of those shows when I was figuring stuff out. And one time I saw this couple and they were a d/s couple, her on top, and they were youngish – not much older than me at the time, and she was doing it for her own gratification. At the time I didn’t realise how weird it was to see this. I just though, huh, like me then. But thinking back – woah! They never normally let that on TV.

Anyway she kept him naked. He stripped in the hallway when he came into the house. No clothing in the house. Just delicious.

I wrote this in an email to a certain special too-far-away friend the other day

I want you to be naked. I love your body. I get turned on thinking about it. If we are ever together and in private. I want you to be naked. I want you to strip. I don’t want to have to ask. I want you to just do it. I want you to understand that. I want to be able to see your body and use it if I want to. I want you vulnerable. If you are hard I don’t want you to be able to hide it.

And I think I caught the, uh, mood of clothed female, naked male rather well there.

The naked male body is just so deliciously vulnerable. Every time I see a hot policeman or soldier or a guy in a suit – you know a guy who is practically wearing armour of masculinity – I like to think about how exquisitely soft and hard and sensitive he is underneath all that.

Because we don’t see naked men anything like as often as we see naked women there’s an edge to male nudity. This is another reason why I really don’t get feminisation, when the naked male body is so ultimately symbolic of male submission all on it’s own.

Wearing anything feels like a cop out to me. The naked male body – besides being loaded with every kind of cultural meaning – represents both masculinity and vulnerability in a way that makes me made of happy.

And because male nudity is scary powerfully symbolic of male sexual submission, of male vulnerability, of men losing sexual control – it needs to be viciously controlled. I live in a country where I am not allowed to look at a picture of a erect penis. Why? Because an image of a sexualised naked man might change the world forever?

Men Women enjoying male submission is a big scary concept. That is why we are told over and over that women looking at naked men is just something they find funny. Amusing. Because trying to make it comical is the first thing society does with something woah-scary.

But that’s the secret. If he strips and I don’t the inequity walks right in and says hi. And I love it when it’s easy.

I like it that if he’s naked and I’m dressed I don’t have to have him tied up and gagged and be hitting him with the spiky side of the paddle until he’s just on the perfect brink of tears, to know which way the dynamic is flowing.

Although I’m not saying that that isn’t fun too.

*

Tiny housekeeping note: If you want to link to me with a banner (well you *might*), there’s a super pretty one down the bottom of this page.

(With thanks to Captured Guys dot com who are too cool to care if I thank them or not)

 

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Filed under bdsm, femdom, making him vulnerable