Burn the Switch

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So, the other night, Pan had his tongue a few clicks north of my vagina. (Oh, hello, this has suddenly become one of *those* blogs). And we’re getting damn close to my tipping point and do you know what he did? Do you know what that bastard did?

He edged me.

For, god, I don’t know, about seven hours, I think. Well that’s what it felt like, although in reality it may have been about forty seconds.

And you know what I said? Did I say, ‘Just you make me come this instant, slave, or I’ll flush the key to your CB down the lavatory.’

Uh. No. I said, ‘Uh. Oh. Oh, god, please.’

‘Cause, you know, far be it from me to start saying that everyone is a switch *really*, but no one is a fucking dom when they’re right on the edge of orgasm. No one’s body works that way.

Anyway, after the event related above Pan did get up with a rather smug expression and mutter something about, ‘Well, really, Bitchy Jones.’ (He did actually call me Bitchy Jones.)

And I told him, Fuck you, you think I can’t put that in my blog? I so can. And I am now going to flush the key to your CB down the lavatory.

(Which, you know, would have been a much scarier threat if he’d actually been wearing the thing at the time.)

But, really, my life is complicated enough without worrying about whether I might really and truly be a switch.

Just because I am not jack-booted and cat-suited 24 hours and day (or – actually – ever).

Just because I sometimes really want to come.

And, you know, up to a point, people can call themselves what they like. For example: you can call yourself a switch even if you only ever sub in real life because you have dominant fantasies too. You can call yourself a dom even though you have submissive fantasies because you’d never really want to do them.

It’s all so murky in the big puddle of kinky mud. You can own your own label. I don’t think labels are a problem if you get to chose your own and decide what it means – so long as you don’t start taking liberties with language.

Taking liberties with the language is more when you start saying that if you call yourself a dominant women you must mean you do X, Y and Z. (X, Y and Z probably being strap on sex, face sitting and feminisation – I would imagine from a few casual observations.)

And it does get tricky when you have women who are sub but dom-for-money call themselves switch. ‘Cause that just fuels the fucking fire of people who like to think that all women who call themselves dominant are in-denial-subs or pretending to be dom for money. Or prestige. Or annoying male doms for kicks.

Because it is always male doms who stand on this soapbox. When I get told all female doms are really whores – and I *do* – it is always by a male dom frustrated by the lack of submissive women and trying to make some extras out of random kinky bitches.

- Hey buster, there are loads of submissive women in the world painting their nails and twirling their handcuffs and just waiting for you to buff up and calm down. I know because they email me to see if I can bridge the gap.

(I really can’t. I know yet another of the tiresome dom woman tropes is automatically-bisexual but sorry not me, sister. Not with that pesky masculinity fetish of mine. Well, not unless you are unbelievably butch. And have a cock.)

Meanwhile, if you are a prodom who is really a sub I can’t see why you don’t say that. I guess it’s bad for business – you have to do all that banging on about being a *genuine* sadist (-I’m a 20th century reproduction sadist myself-) and making these weak little claims about “enjoying it” and getting a lot of satisfaction from what you do. Which is all fine – but not really sadism, which, sorry, involves your cunt.

Trust me. You really don’t need to wonder if you’re a sadist or not. If you’re wondering – you’re not. So just count yourself lucky. It really isn’t state to aspire to.

I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again. It’s my fucking blog. Sadism is not a superpower. Sadism does not maker you cleverer or better or sexier. Kinky people, in general, are not having a higher form of sex.

Oh, BDSM is so much better than vanilla sex because it involves the brain an not just the body and the brain is the biggest sex organ, bleh-de-bleh

*Fuck!* *Off!*

We are not having better sex. We are having stupider, expensiver, more time consuminger sex. That’s no kind of “better” that I understand.

Not better. Just different. Remember.

Mind you, having said that, I quite like it.

And I quite like submissive men. And I say this because I want them to remember the hundreds of thousands of words I have written about my intense burning love of them – possibly more than anyone else ever: I am life president of the male submissives fan club – while I ignore them for a bit (think of it as a hot abandonment thing) and talk about how much I love male switches.

Switches are hot.

First of all if a man says he’s a switch that is like him saying he’s gone away and thought about it and, know what baby, I’m just a total fucking pervert. Oh, I love that. I find that so attractive in a man. That sense of, oh, I just want everything that’s dirty and wrong. Bad, bad boy.

I love bad boys. I know what bad boys get.

And you know I like bravery. And you know I think submitting is brave. Being a male dom has it’s noble moments too. There are male doms who are hopeless, sexist idiots (see ‘discussion’ above) – but they aren’t the end of the story.

There are stigmas to being both a male dom and a male sub. I am proud of the fact that I am pretty out in my real life, but I do fully accept that being a dominant women is probably the easiest kinky sexuality to be out about. Probably due to that whole sense in which no one really believes it *really* turns me on. As I’ve said before, it is nicer (sexier, even) to be a whore than a slut these days and dominant woman sounds a little like whore in the wider world. Submissive woman, I think, sounds a little like slut. Slut with a mental illness.

Being a dominant woman kind of gets you a pat on the back and well done you, a lot of the time – at least until you start talking about blood or piss or abduction-rape or making men cry.

Interestingly, where being a submissive man is probably the most stigmatised *inside* the world of kink, being a dominant man is probably the hardest sexuality to be out about in the wider world. Vanilla people – even the most sex-positive enlightened ones – do tend to hear the words male dominant as sexually-inadequate, violent, serial-rapist.

Dominant women really don’t have to deal with that crap. Even though the wiring is all the same. Like I said before, I have looked at enough mandom porn to see that that is me with a penis.

I *get* Gor, I *get* bondage blow jobs, I*get* forced orgasms. (I don’t get forced to orgasm – calm down.) But I get pretty much all those things you do. But you know, Bastard Jones’s Diary is probably still a way off yet.

But let’s not cry to hard for Master Daddy though, he’s gets my porn quota. And really, I’d probably take the stigma to be the default gaze of all kink porn. I’m shallow like that.

But this does mean that somewhere inside me I have this little shred of respect for Mr Sir.

So I do like a brave strong man who decides to take on both ends of the stigma stick. And, over and above that, it is just a lot of fun to hurt a man who knows just what I’m doing. Who can tell me what to do. You know I have no discernable skills of topping. I love a man who can help me out. I need men who can lift me back up time and over, as I say. Switches really get that. They tend to be a bit more likely to get the part where I’m not just a right arm and a cunt.

And really? Really, really? Is there much hotter than watching a gorgeous capable man whipping someone whilst knowing that you are responsible for the marks all over *his* back?

Not that I do a lot of flouncing around in public – but I have once or twice been talked into it.

It’s also really dirty. Topping a man who gets off on topping too. Punishing the bad man for all the bad, bad things he’s done. This is just hot. You know what I’ve said before about the more power there is to exchange the hotter it is? Well there is a lot of stuff to play with and unpack in there if your man is a switch.

When he goes down he has a little further to go. That’s hot.

And you know that whole thing about how my heart belongs to daddy. It lives *right* here.

So, huh, yeah, switches – hot. And I should know. I live with one. Well, kind of. I probably *really* live with a terrible smart-mouthed faithless non-specific pervert – but that’s a long, long name for such a good looking man.

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Filed under bdsm, dominatrix, how to be a sadistic bitch, male doms, male submissive fan club, male subs, masculinity, oral fixation, oral sex, pan, sadism