Perfect Thing wanted to eat my shit.
This is a post about humiliation and – at some specific points – a post about putting nasty things in men’s mouths.
But we can’t cut straight to the shit eating. Some of you might be eating your tea. Let’s start with a wider angle on humiliation.
Try this.
Humiliation is fucking awful.
For me.
First big problem – lots of the trad femdom humiliato stuff I just won’t do. You know my deal. Gender fucking cause it’s so degrading for him to be made into a girl or fucking someone with a cock - for him to be getting made into my bitch.
Making him a girl or gay.
Look, I *can’t* call him a cock sucking slut ‘cause that would get confusing. He would think I was talking to myself.
And lots of these offensive tropes wouldn’t even work for me if I was able to get over my horrors because it all so boring and stupid and rubbish to me, because above all it is based on a construction of a *fragile* idea of masculinity. Ooh, poor delicate masculinity that will fall apart if it has to wear lipstick or suck on a cock. I like my masculinity stronger than that.
I don’t want to knock something down that’s about to collapse all by itself. I don’t like the easy way. I’m not a mandom.
I like masculinity that is strong, secure, *frightening*.
I like a battle worth winning. A prize worth having. A beast worth taming.
I like a tiger. Or a lion, say. Maybe I am a lion tamer.
The kind of men I like. The kind of noble proud steady and true men who, you know, you could put in a French maid’s costume and their strength and power wouldn’t bat a fucking eyelid. I could make Jack do stupid dress up and all I can imagine happening would be him doing it so he could laugh at me for even thinking he would care. Who do you think would be most humiliated in that situation? His masculinity, his strength, his sense of self would just look me right in the eye. And why the fuck would I dress him, or any man, like that when there are so much hotter things he could be wearing like this or a smear of filth and a vibrating cock ring.
But that’s crappy femdom humilation that you know I hate. And there are other ways to make a man feel all dirty inside. Which is where we get to my second big problem with humilation and where Perfect Thing comes in. Remember Perfect Thing? Oh come on, it was only a screen and a half ago.
I misled you a little. Perfect Thing didn’t exactly want to eat my shit.
Perfect Thing wanted to eat shit. To be made to eat shit. He did not care that it was my shit or that it would be me making him do it.
I’m very suggestible. Sneak up on me with a pretty face and a soft deep voice and you can get me to wander quite a long way off the path with you until I realise that this isn’t the way to grandma’s house.
Perfect Thing never ate my shit. But he did convince me that it would be sexy if he did. He did whisper to me on the phone about how, surely, there was nothing – *nothing* – more humiliating. And if the relationship hadn’t crumbled to ashes and dust before teatime – who knows.
I am a powerful woman is one of those compulsory lines for your average prodom or amdom blog or website. Along with I am a genuine sadist and I don’t agree with everything Bitchy Jones says but she’s weirdly compelling. Like a car crash. Me, though, I am not a powerful woman. There’s nothing empowering about letting a guy talk you into making him eat your shit.
But that’s humiliation for you. It’s very disempowering. For everyone.
Jack told me about something he’d read online about a woman sticking a chocolate bar up her arse so her partner could fake eating he shit at some public event. (Jack finds all the vilest stuff online – I think he has some special depraved edition of Google.) Now I can see how choco-arse is kinda humiliating for him. I cannot see how it isn’t ten million times more humiliating for the fucking women who has chocolate! Up! Her! Arse!
Things might be extreme in the shitty files – but this can be the par for all kinds of humiliato.
It’s humiliating. It makes me cringe. Why wouldn’t it? It makes him cringe – that’s the point. It makes people who don’t get off on this stuff cringe. (I get enough comments from ‘nilla types who are shuddery-fascinated-appalled about the piss thing.)
So why wouldn’t it make me cringe? I’m right there. I have feelings too!
It does. It makes me small and cold inside. And I fucking love it and it turns me on. In many ways like nothing else. In many ways it hits me in the heart more than pain. But it makes me blush and shudder and try to turn away. When my only job is to watch.
I try and keep it pure. I try and tell myself this: We’re playing with status. It’s sexy to make out I am high status and he is low status. All humiato-games are, are ways of demonstrating that inequity of status that turns us on.
God, sounds so simple.
That’s all the dog bowl is. The pig mask. The soap in the mouth. The kneeling. The begging…
But when I put Jack on a lead, I feel mixed up. Small. Cold. He’s so beautiful, but it flips my stomach over. His desire to be degraded totally pwns me. And yet… I want it but I feel degraded by wanting it. I find it hard to face my desires to humiate. I fight a lot with them.
Sometimes I win though.
Gwen left some of that whipped cream in a can at my house (long story). She laughed as she stuck it in my fridge saying, ‘You can use that for sex.’
Gwen didn’t know at that moment that she was a genius.
Jack hates junk food, lazy food, crappy, pappy, made of chemicals food. So I told Jack what I had in my fridge. And what Gwen had said. And how I thought we should take her advice and use it for sex.
He said, So what is the can like your cock? Are you going to come on me? Are you going to come fake cream on me?
- You know I don’t really do fake cocks… But, you read my blog so I know you’re fucking with me. But, hell, say I did. Whose come would you rather have in your mouth? Yours or mine?
- Well the straight answer is mine, since the stuff that is going to be coming out of your, uh, cock isn’t food. But that stuff in my mouth would be so much more degrading.
So sometime later, he crawled into the kitchen naked and licked something he found totally repulsive off the floor, while I watched him, and made soft noises and pushed drifts of off-white not-food into the gaps between my ceramic tiles.
And even later, when I reminded him it had been all his idea he said that he had thought he would have had a plate.
I was pleased I could make his bad ideas worse.
But even thought that worked, there is one last problem with humiliation.
In femdom it can go like this – whether you like it or not. It’s weirdly hard to let go of how a woman’s status is defined by the status of her man. If you’re going to play a sex game that revolves around degrading the man who defines you, it’s hard not to let that nasty little fact hook you in and drag you right down with him.
I don’t like this anymore than you do. But that doesn’t stop it being there. I’ve felt it.
That’s why dominant women with me are so low status crappy. There’s a place where we’re untouchable goddesses and a place where we’re just untouchable. ‘Cause we fuck submissive men. And, you know, there’s that whole thing where submissive men are shit. Dominant women are stupid ugly bitches who can’t get real men so they play in the sandbox of the lowest currency of men.
The only way to protect yourself from this splatterback is to distance yourself from the man and his desires. To make double sure you are not enslaved by them too. By, say, not really being so into him. Having him pay. Laughing at his tiny dirty thing. Thinking he’s crappy too.
Sometimes it’s like at school where the most bulliable kid was bullied and if you defended him, you were bulliable too. That’s why so many pro and asshat dom women seem to be so contemptuous of submissive men, it’s not a sex thing, it’s a oh-god-I-don’t-really-like-him-or-anything-that-would-be-gross thing.
No, I just hang out with him ‘cause he takes me out or on holiday or buys me whee-shiny stuff. But I don’t *get* *off* on him or his need to be degraded. I don’t get off on having a low status man – ’cause that would make me low status. Oh it’s okay to get off on pain. Being a sadist is – let us not forget – highly desirable. Humiliation is only ever *funny*.
That’s always the bottom line. (Oh shut *up* – that lame unintentional pun is so not the point). Make him ridiculous and laugh. Because that’s the only way to stop his humiliation being your degradation.
But the trouble with that is our old BJ friend: And my orgasm is – where? – exactly?
Funny’s everywhere. I get my funny on You Tube. I want you to make me come, motherfucker.
But a humiliated man is a poor man. A poorer woman fucks a poor man. Maybe. It’s hard to face this stuff. Hard-hard.
Is that just a social construction? Should I rise above it? I don’t know. But here’s where humilation ends – destroying the man you desire without destroying your desire along with it is hard.
41 Comments
October 24, 2007 at 1:12 am
Can’t say I have much time for shit Jones, it is just such unpleasant stuff, I don’t see any erotic possibilities – still we are all different. Interesting what you have to say about the type of masculinity that you want to attack though, you sound like a girl that relishes a challenge. As an old school type man, I would say that it is not in my nature to show weakness in front of a woman, no matter how beat-up or ground down you feel. Maybe I just attract the wrong kind of women but in my experience it doesn’t do to show frailty in front of a woman. I know the current climate calls for all this touchy-feely, expressing your emotions and sharing your pain shit, but like I say in my experience you are just exposing yourself to ridicule when the inevitable split happens and lets face it, why add insult to injury! Still, I can see what you mean about the dom woman lowering herself by dominating a weak man, if indeed that is what you mean – difficult to tell because as usual I am on my own 12 step programme. Step 6 actually which is Rum.
October 24, 2007 at 4:00 pm
It’s so quiet, Toni. Is that what’s going to happen every time I open with shit eating? ‘Cause I have this whole series planned…
October 24, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Perhaps their is a slave auction of young males with a penchant for being whipped while handcuffed and someone forgot to tell you or maybe you have gone a kink too far for your beloved fan base.
October 24, 2007 at 5:10 pm
God, which is worse?
October 24, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Hey, hey, if there’s any such auction going on I would want Bitchy in the front row. Although maybe not for the whole time, ’cause she’d drive the prices up
.
Playing with shit is a kink I find a little squicky, but not so much that I really care. I probably wouldn’t do it myself, but I know better than to say “never” about things I might possibly do.
The thing is, I just don’t have anything to *say* about humiliation. It’s still too much of a tangle in my head.
And the high-status, low-status, my-status, your-status thing is also a bit of a tangle, but I don’t connect with it the way you seem to.
I am generally disconnected, that’s what it is
.
October 24, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Once somewhere I said I wouldn’t want to put anything in a man’s mouth that meant I couldn’t kiss him.
Also, yes, I think I might lean to learn to disconnect, or stop over-thinking so much, or, god, something.
I find it hard to say stuff about humilation too. This post is the most detangled I’ve ever got
October 24, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Beej, the thing is that while many actions can be squicky, at least they can be understood by most people. You want to whip someone or be whipped? Okay, not my thing but I can see it being hot. Want to make someone lick Cool-whip off the floor? Okay, not my thing, but I understand the power dynamic thing. Want to dress up in tight leather and wear a strap-on? Hey, to each his own.
But shit? The stuff that comes out of your ass? It smells, it stains, it’s germy, and we’ve got a long-time cultural taboo against handling it – and for a good reason. Add to that the humiliation factor – hell, adding shit to a humiliation scene increases it tenfold, and not in the good way.
Personally, I have a certain number of kinks that I just don’t “get” and that’s one of them
October 24, 2007 at 5:33 pm
I don’t think I get it either.
October 24, 2007 at 5:34 pm
I hope I haven’t accidentaly written the Beej likes to make men eat shit post – ’cause that really wasn’t my intention
October 24, 2007 at 6:51 pm
So lets hope your beau only has a shit eating grin on his face.With number 2’s dealt with back to numero uno.We blokes have had to get used to going whilst standing next to someone.Women with their cubicles must make formation fountaining over a man tres embarressing?
Have you ever tag teamed whilst dousing a bloke.
October 24, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Ah, let me explain a baseline of (straight) sex fantasy: lotsa women and one guy = male fantasy; lotsa men and one woman = female fantasy.
So no, ’cause I make my dreams come true. Not yours.
And, damn, really, being part of a team of women indulging some git’s wank fantasy – how humilating would *that* be!
October 24, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Hey Jones, Don’t knock it ’till you’ve tried it! Actually I have been in involved in a number of thresomes with two girls and one foursome with three women. It has always been at the instigation of one or more of the females and now you, mention it, there was always at least one girl afterwards who had a humiliated, ashamed look on her face afterwards. Of course they always tried to blame me or the booze or the other girl. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I find it hard to respect a woman when I have seen her lapping away at another girls cunt like some crazed labrador. In my narrow vanilla world, girls that get drunk and suggest a threesome with a Thai waitress, while fun, rarely make good long-term partners. Next time I will tell you why I didn’t get engaged to the girl who told me she wanted to go dogging on just our third date.
October 24, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Yeah. I just imagine, though Toni, that there’s quite a lot of differences between the kind of women who’d sleep with a man like you and me.
Not that I want to be rude about all the women you’ve slept with, Toni – I have you for that.
October 24, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Hey, I am not rude about all of them – and the ones I am rude about, would probably regard it as some kind of recommendation.
I suppose you are right, the kind of girls who would sleep with me are probably quite different than yourself, but thats a good thing right? I imagine the evening would take a turn for the worse if they tried to handcuff me and beat me.
I was hit by a woman once, and this wasn’t one of the “ships in the night” kind of girl, I even got engaged to this one. I remember kicking her out of my apartment and telling her that I didn’t mind her hurting herself but when she tried to hurt me she had gone to far.
October 24, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Couple different things being discussed: First is the whole question of shit-eating, which people in general seem to avoid, however much people do seem to like asshole licking. The second is the crux: Should a dom feel less of a woman if she is involved with a man so submissive he wants to eat shit and/or convinces the dom to participate [or particicake, sorry]? Okay, try and reverse the sexes: male dom, female sub. Suddenly we sense that the male is not at all lowered when he engages his sub in low-down behavior. Ergo: Why should a woman feel “poorer when she fucks a poor man?” Conclusion: The sub male, like the sub female, is not poor at all but, probably, very brave indeed. Having said that, why do what you don’t want to do? Unless there is real LOVE involved, or it’s a matter of curiousity, no reason at all.
October 24, 2007 at 9:20 pm
Bitchy, you’re brilliant. I’ve been reading your blog for ages and don’t comment, but I just had to say how much you’ve hit the, er, nail on the head. You’ve been railing – and I’ve been railing with you (yelling at the ‘puter screen, actually, which makes the cats give me funny looks) about the hijacking of femdom and the whole “goddess” thing and the no-touchy thing etc. But I didn’t really get why it’s like that beyond the just default “men are in charge and they ruined it” whatever.
Do you think dominant women have created their own, well, downfall by distancing themselves from submissive men? Wow.
October 24, 2007 at 9:32 pm
My husband’s friend from work–they work in a construction related field, no glamor, not much money–recently went to church with his wife. Let’s call this couple Terri and John. Terri warned John repeatedly against acting “like himself” in public (don’t do this, don’t talk about this, don’t do this other thing, just be quiet) with her at this place he didn’t ususally go that he was going to because she wanted him to. And that fucking sucks. That’s ugly as hell behavior. My husband came home and told me the story and said “I’m so glad you love me for who I am.” And I know a LOT of supposedly normal women who sit around and complain about the men they’re involved in constantly, and send awful stupid ass spam about men and men’s constant laziness and stupidity and I hate hate hate it and just think they deserve every stupid thing their men do if this is how they go on.
And I’m the one who’s fucked up? low? degraded?
I think it is far more humiliating to think that your wife finds you embarrassing just for being yourself than to think that your wife gets off on private, licking-whipped-cream-off-the-floor humiliation that is, as someone points out above, quite a brave thing to do.
October 24, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Les S. More said: Should a dom feel less of a woman if she is involved with a man so submissive he wants to eat shit and/or convinces the dom to participate [or particicake, sorry]?
What huh? I missed the meeting where having a particular fetish, in this case poo-munching, makes someone SO submissive.
And wait HUH? I was also absent when it was announced that it was SO submissive to manipulate a dominant into catering to your fetish.
And I’m a bit glad I missed those meetings. I would have been kicked out for standing on the furniture laughing and saying NO!
October 25, 2007 at 2:03 am
*bats eyes*
Indigo – any more like you at home?
We men are just so embarrassing because we spit and swear and scratch our itches, and for the most part don’t care.
October 25, 2007 at 7:48 am
Sorry misconception. i meant just you and a freind who you might happen to be with when you are playing.Whats wrong with wank fantasies anyway I fully support any woman who indulges in them so why cant a male.
October 25, 2007 at 8:06 am
Yeah, ’cause I just casually involve my friends in my sex life, like that.
‘Oh, Gwen, don’t bother walking all the way to the bathroom, why not piss on Jack? He’s sat right there. In fact, I’ll fucking join you.’
I mean, what universe!
There would be nothing wrong with your wank fantasies – or anyone’s – so long as you understand that I am not one of them COME TO LIFE!
October 25, 2007 at 9:27 am
Talk about disullusioned Jones, I sort of imagined that your abode would be kind of like the set for Hellraiser only with semi-naked guys shained to the walls and radiators and rivers of piss flowing around as guests routinely urinated on each other and dined on menstrual blood, all to a backing track of anguished screams and wailing torment.
If I ever visited I suspect I would only start screaming when you played your Take That or Morrissy records, (records? Christ am I really that old)?
October 25, 2007 at 9:38 am
Whereas I imagine you wearing a top hat and an eye glass, twirling your moustache as you have an orphanage burnt down.
October 25, 2007 at 9:46 am
I really should sue the manufacturers of that Monopoly game for casting me in such a negative light!
October 25, 2007 at 11:58 pm
Can I just say that I adore the BJ and Toni show. The reason it’s so wonderfully intriguing is that even though it has a powerfully flirtatious vibe, there is never any urge to say “Get a room!” because it’s so clear that if at any point you got a room the fun would be over. Despite the fact that you are (overtly) a straight man and a straight woman, you are the wrong genders for each other, and could not actually have sex. It’s really fascinating. Also the feminine spelling of the name Toni really adds to the genderqueering joy of it all!
October 26, 2007 at 12:14 am
Hmmm Vito, I never really considered Toni as a feminine name, but of course you are correct. I use it as a nickname because of one of my relatives I was very close to, Uncle Antonio, (one of my few non-Scottish relatives), also all the ones that I was given in my seedy working life would be quite recognizable, assuming Jones attracts that kind of readership – surely I can’t be the only dipsomaniac capitalist reading her rants?
Anyway, I am glad to add to the amusement in my own small way, but you are quite correct, I don’t see any way that Jones and I could relate in any way in real life. I am far more offensive in person than on the anonymous internet.
October 26, 2007 at 1:32 am
Tom,
Unfortunately all there is left at home is my pothead little brother still living in my parents’ basement.
Typing that sorta creeps me out–almost as much as imagining Bitchy and Toni together in person…
October 26, 2007 at 4:13 am
But seriously, Bitchy, it’s not quite that I disagree with your post, because I think that as usual you’re saying something valuable about desire and gender and now social class. And I’m not defending shit eating as a humiliation thing, but responding to your last point about killing the desire for the man by humiliating the man and wrecking his masculinity.
It’s true that people get bullied for not conforming to ideas about gender. Of course. But maybe I have to say yes, I think you’re buying into social construction here. Masculinity and femininity aren’t static “real” things; they’re just concepts that get twisted all up in real people, sometimes in delicious fun ways I can consent to, sometimes in boring predictable ways I don’t like so much.
What I meant above is that many so-called vanilla women whine about their men for the very “male” behavior that they wouldn’t want a man without. Scratching and all what Tom mentioned, responses to another post about toilet seats up or down, not doing housework, hogging the remote, blah blah. These women are secretly bragging when they send spam about how men are big dopes–my guy’s such a guy that he doesn’t even put down the toilet seat, how shocking, my my, he makes me actually touch the seat…with my hand! My clean lily white hand! Titter titter but I love the big dope and how dirty he makes me, how correcting his naughty habits and being simultaneously made dirty by him makes me a woman. If he didn’t do these things, if he actually listened to me, he’d be less than, weak.
Hey, enjoy your symptom, beeyotch.
That same love-hate thing does extend into the world of femdom sometimes. Okay, often, if you look at the evidence online, though I usually don’t. The same way that love-hate seeps into pornographic representations of women and probably maledom sometimes though I don’t know much about that. So we get men in frilly underpants and falsettos–not my thing but I totally kink for men in eyeliner, go figure. I’m not saying this is a thing to shrug about, and I think you’re generally right to rage against that being the picture of femdom that most people get if they get one at all, and that’s unfortunate, for them and for us. But I don’t think of myself as testing his masculinity so I can be sure it’s there, it’s solid, or so that I can mock some perceived deficit of masculinity. I just toy with it, fuck with it, enjoying the performance of it as much as I enjoy, sometimes, when it slips away, leaving not an effeminate man but just a person I love in a way that gender doesn’t matter.
I don’t need to whine about men being manly to feel like a woman. I don’t need to demarcate my femininity by finding the line around my silk flowers and doilies some sweaty stinky farty beer bellied guy needs to cross to make me go “ew” or “ug”. Frankly, I don’t worry much one way or the other about masculine or feminine for either of us. I like a good masquerade, but I’m about as happy to take off the costume and find what my friend the poet once described as the face behind the face behind the face–mine and his.
I refuse to be bullied into getting all plaintive and “ug” and “ew” by some shrill person who’s more interested in impressing people she doesn’t live with or love than she is in making the person she does live with and supposedly love feel good about himself.
If I let her make me feel bad about myself, then I’m letting the bullies win. If I let her make me feel bad about him, then I’m betraying him AND letting the bullies win.
And let’s face it, the bullies are stupid and insecure. What they don’t know about themselves and about love is a lot.
October 26, 2007 at 7:28 am
Vito excalibur is getting close.Bitchy and Toni are like Stead and Emma Peel always flirting but you know it would be wrong if they got it on.
October 26, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Wow, Bitchy, this was a great, and really dense post. I had three comments I was writing to different parts that I just deleted, trying to come up with WHAT I wanted to say in response to what, without writing a novel in a comment box…
So I picked shit. No one else was touching the shit part of the post.
You know, I’ve never gotten why eating poop was supposed to be so humiliating.
I mean, I don’t have any huge eeeewww squick reaction to poop (I had dog doo and litter box duty as a kid, it’s not like I love it but if you’re going to have pets, you have to clean up a lot of poop.), but it does exactly zero to turn me on. Perhaps other people get hot and bothered by eggshells or burger king wrappers or other detritus of the need to eat, but it’s just… why is this hot? It’s something that if you touch, you go wash your hands with soap and water so you don’t spread disease, and it’s stinky… so what’s the big kink here?
Ah well, I don’t suppose I’m supposed to get it.
I think your points about status are pretty dead on, and that might be part of why I like my arrangements of not fucking the pretty boys I do humiliation and pain stuff with. I’m going to think about that more.
October 28, 2007 at 6:39 pm
I feel slightly awkward just reading this…
Perhaps it’s best not to think about it.
October 28, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Hey BJ!
You came in useful the other day. There was this conversation happening in my chaplaincy. It went like this:
Student “She’s mean to him. I don’t know why.”
Other Student: “I guess she just likes making men cry”
Student: “Yeah some people are just like that.”
Other Student: “Yeah they are.”
3rd Student: “Maybe there is like a proper name for that.”
Student: “For what?”
3rd Student: “Girls who like making men cry.”
Other Student: “Surely not.”
The Reverend Me: “Pass me that laptop.”
Student: “Still he copes with it…Just plays along”
The Reverend Me: *click, click, click…search…read*
Other Student: “Yeah and pretends to cry”
The Reverend Me: “Dacryphillic”
Students: “What?!?!?”
The Reverend Me: “Women who like to make men cry”
Other Student: “How do you even know that?”
The Reverend Me: “It’s on a blog.”
Student: “You’re very odd.”
3rd Student: “He calls himself Yellow, that’s quite odd”
And so on….see…Useful Bitchy!
October 29, 2007 at 6:42 am
Glad to be of service.
Bitchy Jones, feminist, fat sadist and word finder service for vicars.
I love that I have a vicar. What would I even want a vicar for? It’s so decadent.
October 29, 2007 at 6:49 am
I think your points about status are pretty dead on, and that might be part of why I like my arrangements of not fucking the pretty boys I do humiliation and pain stuff with. I’m going to think about that more.
I’ve noticed that a lot of dom women seem to have one group of men they play with and another group they have sex with. Like they think they *can’t* have sex with the subs.
I think there are a lot of reasons for this – but this status thing could be one of them. Some women are very influenced by the idea that you are the man who fucks you (status wise). And a lot of women can’t shake the idea that a domineering man is a strong, desirable man.
But submissive men are fucking great for sex, not least because they talk about hot male submission stuff while they fuck.
October 29, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Maybe it is similar to the way that guys like me view women as two distinct types, the ones that I will happily engage in all kinds of decadence with and those that I would consider having a relationship with. Don’t get me wrong I still have dirty, sleazy sex with my girlfriends but there are certainly things that I wouldn’t do with them, that I would be quite happy to do to and with girls I had no intention of having a relationship with.
Double standards, of course, but then I have always said “make mine a double”!
October 29, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Shit-eating, and fecophilia in general, is not actually that uncommon a fetish. Like most other fetishes, the stronger the taboo, the stronger the attraction. In at least one easily-recalled memory, of a room of about 60 people, almost half shamelessly admitted to enjoying this kind of play. (And good for them, too.)
So to end point the first: visibility does not equate to existence.
Point the second is old news, so feel free to cite TLDR if you wish: blame for fucking up femdom should surely lie with stupid, spineless, or otherwise culturally brainwashed “dominant” women who believe sex with submissive men is somehow degrading. (As I’ve mentioned dozens of times before, I would use many words to describe such women, but dominant is not among that list of adjectives.)
But they shouldn’t think too much of themselves; they do not shoulder all of the blame.
A lot of the blame for that very same thing should lie with the self-hating “submissive” men, so spineless in their own right that they are petrified of being anything of consequence in their own sex lives or their partner’s.
October 30, 2007 at 2:28 am
Hrmmm… while I certainly agree with you that masculinity has a certain appeal, I disagree with the implication that a masculine man is a strong man and a feminine man is a weak one. You state yourself that this polarity is what you’re objecting to by not engaging in cross dressing or strap-on/humiliation play… but then go on to praise your man’s masculinity as the reason these methods of humiliation wouldn’t work.
I’ve loved and played with some extremely feminine subs, both male and female, who were pillars of strength and dignity. Putting a strong femme boy in a frilly maids outfit isn’t necessarily going to humiliate him, but it might unnerve the neighbours by smashing what they think of as male attractiveness…. and yeah, I’d get that same small feeling looking at him and thinking “How does this make him less?”
As for shit-eating… it’s not a particular kink of mine, but it occasionally serves a purpose for seeing just far a sub will go for me, how far I can push him. I have a lad I’m flirting with at the moment who is willing to do all sorts of horrible things for me, or have them done to him… I may never make him do it, but the idea that he’s willing to is such a turn on.
October 30, 2007 at 6:00 am
I don’t think femininity is weak. On anyone.
I think using femininity as a signifier of male weakness is pretty lame though.
October 30, 2007 at 8:07 pm
mew poor sub men – this made me sad and want to hug them all – why would they be a lower currency of man?
November 1, 2007 at 3:53 am
Oh, definitely!
April 7, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Those quotes on the side of the page about you..
Hmm
I don’t understand it. I agree with most everything you write; its fun to read.
My interest in femdom is a new development, but already I am disappointed with most of the femdom videos and other media I find. None of it matches up to my fantasies. The men are enjoying it too much, and the women are submitting to their enjoyment. Why?! I suppose most porn is created by and aimed at male enjoyment.
Books, however, seem more likely to offer real dominant women. I have a thing for striking true fear into men, not just wimpy spankings and teases.