November 8, 2007...12:29 pm
Making Porn Out of Coconuts
It’s a dilemma. On the face of it there is no porn for me. Yeah, there’s gay porn, which features cute guys and sometimes big scary butch guys tied up and getting hit in all kinds of cool ways. But, fuck’s sake…
Okay: gay porn - yay! guy’s kissing - yay! but sometimes it makes me feel weird that there are no vaginas in my best porn bet. Sometimes - and really most of the time - I’d like to see some porn where he gets hurt and hurt and hurt and then she gets fucked and fucked and fucked.
Porn that does this sort of thing
I love a strong man who says: I am strong for you. I have all this power to give to you. I have strength in my body for you because that’s what you need. Because you like to hurt me. And you want me to be able to take it all. So here is my body for you to hurt.
I will run into those burning buildings and I will slay those dragons and I will take the pain. And afterwards, I will crawl to you begging and broken with my body marked and my cock hard. And I’ll fuck you like a man fucks a woman.
Or maybe even this.
Course there’s het femdom stuff like Men in Pain - there are women, sure, but the focus is too much on the women. Because in porn the focus is always on the women. So you either have gay porn without women in it and no one to identify with or you have straight porn *with* women in it and no one to identify with - because the women are all fucking BDSM Barbies *and* they are standing in the fucking way of the tied up hurting guys half the time.
And in straight femdom that porn over-focus on the women stupids up the dynamic of the kink thing. Subs need to be in the centre of any kink frame. It just makes sense that way. Which turns straight femdom porn into focus point confusing nonsense. Kink dot com’s sites are usually really well directed - but on Men in Pain the direction feels all wrong. It’s out of step with the acts.
I’ve talked about this before once when exploring why so much ’straight’ femdom porn is F/f - but it’s maybe even more ‘relevant’ here. Look:
Tied up women are like the default image for kink. Oh yeah, you’re kinky, you’ll be wanting some pictures of tied up women then.
But, hey, don’t be disheartened, because sometimes, for extra fun in amongst all the tied women pics their might be a picture of a woman doing some tying! Yay! Tying up another women! Um…
Why? Why!? WHY!?
Homophobia/misogyny/heterosexism/patriarchy, darling, that’s why. Here’s the shitty little deal. In kink porn everyone looks at the sub. They are the ones with the fancy bondage and the pained expressions and the fireworks up their arses. If you’re a dom you look at the sub and imagine you’re topping them, if you’re a sub you look at the sub and imagine you *are* them. Everyone’s gaze falls naturally onto the sub. Now, here’s where everyone comes unstuck trying to make F/m porn. No pornographer on the face of the earth can get his pretty little head around making porn where we naturally look at the man rather than the woman. Therefore (stay with me) it is actually completely *impossible* to make F/m porn.
So they hardly bother. (And when they do the point of focus tends to go a bit wangy.)
Instead they mostly make F/f instead for femdom, ’cause that’s kind of the same (if you ignore me and anyone like me) and then you have dom woman stuff but – wahey - the sub is a woman and we are all looking at a woman and - phew! – heterosexuality (that delicate flower) has been saved once again from the ravages of men looking at other men and feeling slightly aroused.
(Psst - Tell you what, girls, we’ll file all the naked men under gay porn. You can go there and the straight guys will know not to look at that. That okay? I mean, it’s not offensive or anything to mark all porn featuring men as homoerotic. Like women don’t fucking exist as viewers. Fuck. As if women’s only role is to be *in* the porn. You utter cunts. God, sometimes, I really do hate everything in this misogynistic wankfest that calls itself beedeeessem)
But despite there being no actual porn there is masses of stuff around that is full of my kind of hot. We’ve covered this before of course.
And there’s stuff people make just for me.
There are things that don’t seem to realise that they are porn.
And sometimes the main sex table tosses me a few shreds that have a lot of wrong - but still enough right.
This, for example, even though they seem to have tried to desexify it as much as possible, the fact the guy looks quite a lot like Heston Blumenthal makes it work for me.
This book cover. Yeah, she’s in PVC domme-drag - easily as bad as the worst stuff on Men in Pain (hiss, spit) - but his face, and the bondage, and the fact he’s naked. And there’s just a sort of romance about it. And, face it, I like romance. I’m a fucking girl. (I can’t begin to talk about the content of this book. I have no idea but I pretty much have low hopes.)
Talking of books. This is my favourite book cover of all time. I can’t begin to think about why.
55 Comments
November 8, 2007 at 1:55 pm
“my favourite book cover of all time. I can’t begin to think about why.”
The full moon always brings out the romantic in me…
November 8, 2007 at 3:53 pm
It had not ever really struck me before that perhaps the lack of malesub-focused femdom porn (as opposed to femdom barbie-focused femdom porn or femsub-focused femdom porn) could maybe be because men (aka. the producers of almost all of this porn) don’t feel comfortable or think other men will not feel comfortable looking at the bodies of other men.
Also, I would like to share with you something Eileen said to me last night while looking at a Men In Pain update’s preview gallery (paraphrasing a bit): “Hey, what happened to the pain in my Men in Pain updates? In these preview pictures there is at least one blowjob, one handjob, and the guy is fucking the dom from behind while she’s on her hands and knees. When’s the getting hit part supposed to happen?”
November 8, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Ren has done this one. Though I think maybe it starts from the top - directors need to make a product women want to buy before women are going to start buying it. It’s surprisingly analogous to discussing the fall in electoral turnout.
November 8, 2007 at 6:17 pm
See Thene, there you go - directors need to provide a product that women want. Well who the hell works for free, you need a market, you need women to put their hands in their purses and define the market. In business, women are notorious cheapskates, although they will buy all kinds of shit if you can convince them it is going to make their lives better.
What it has to do with electoral turnout is anyones guess, I mean you are British right? You are aware that this country was under female leadership for a considerable period of time. Are you suggesting the fact that Thatcher is no longer running the country explains why young women don’t vote. I guess you may be right, if Kate Moss ran for public office she may get a large vote from the female demographic.
November 8, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Actually,in all sectors,kink or not,there’s a lack of porn for women.
I know some recent studies being made about women consuming pornography,but they’re psychological and academic,so I’m not imagining the porn industry giving importance to it.
Kink.com seems like the Macdonald’s of porn: tasty,but very poor quality. Sometimes,it’s even laughable because some women performing on the Taining of O are are exactly the ones you can find on Men in pain,wearing the same outfit ( a PVC corset showing her breasts),featuring exactly the same expression. Perhaps one might think the men she’s beating are the ones who previously beat her.
Even maledom porn targets exclusively men: perhaps porn makers think masochist women are too intellectual to watch porn or that is all the same. It isn’t. And most erotic SM novel written theoretically thinking about us only present masochist women as submissive.
So,my coconuts come from the perverts in disguise on the vanilla industry : politically correct shows like Prime Suspect , some right-wing women blogs and tennis. Tennis is perfect for masochist women because no matter what side we’re looking at,there’s also a dominant man in there.
November 8, 2007 at 9:41 pm
So, Carolina, basically you’re saying there’s nothing in this world that isn’t suited for masochistic women? I’d probably second that, which is why I have the horrible case of submissive-clitoris-envy that I do.
November 8, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Maymay, this is like that post you made on your blog that you felt upset that not enough people commented on how pretty you are - a joke right? clitoris envy! don’t tell me you really mean this crap.
November 8, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Toni, for you, I am that and so much more.
On another subject, readers of this post might be interested in reading The Semiotics of Semen in Porn by Figleaf.
Actually, Toni, I would love to read your thoughts on Figleaf’s post.
November 9, 2007 at 12:13 am
See Thene, there you go - directors need to provide a product that women want. Well who the hell works for free, you need a market, you need women to put their hands in their purses and define the market.
Yes, that would be exactly what the blog post I linked to in my comment says.
What it has to do with electoral turnout is anyones guess, I mean you are British right? You are aware that this country was under female leadership for a considerable period of time. Are you suggesting the fact that Thatcher is no longer running the country explains why young women don’t vote.
AFAIK turnout is not a gender issue. I simply said that no one votes unless there’s someone standing who’s worth their vote, just as women can’t buy porn unless there’s some porn that’s worth their money.
November 9, 2007 at 1:51 am
I have my own complaints about femdom porn. As a hetero male I’m interested in the women, but I’m interested in dominant women as opposed to PVC clad stick figures. I ask questions like “who is she?”, “why is she there?”, “Is she enjoying this, or is it just a job?” There are no answers to these questions in FD porn.
I’d say the worst is when the focus is on male body parts, ie. a ten minute close-up of an ass being whipped. Meanwhile the “domme” has handed her crop to the production assistant and gone for a coffee break. I’d at least like to see how the “sub” is reacting, but that’s another unanswered question.
November 9, 2007 at 5:58 am
I”ll say it again why don’t you make the stuff yourself.I think it would be worth watching for the very reason someone I think is sexy and is a wonderful writer has produced it.Knowing that you are getting off on it adds to it exponentially.
You don’t even have to move the camera.Your victim can be bound in a chair facing the camera so he doesn’t inconveintly move and mess things up.A little squirming and grimacing will surely fit the bill from either of you.He as you sit in his lap and bite and pinch him and rub sandpaper over him and you as you ride him hard squirming all over his throbbing lap.
November 9, 2007 at 9:05 am
I think part of the problem is that old statement that men are visual and women are mental when it comes to porn.
I can testify that for me that statement is a load of shit.
Another part of the problem…
The men and the few women there are that produce porn aim for their main audience, men. They aim for men because they know that men are the ones who buy the majority of porn out there. Men are more comfortable with buying porn. It’s considered acceptable for men to buy porn, hell it’s expected.
Women have come a long way in going out and getting what they want when it comes to sex, but society, anal retentive fools, still try to make women feel like they are nasty and perverted for wanting anything that strays from that good girl, lady like image that they want us to have.
Well June Cleaver has retired from the kitchen, hung up her apron and opened up a sex shop in the neighborhood. Dildos and vibes on the right, butt plugs on the left and whips and chains and oh my in the back.
November 9, 2007 at 11:11 am
how about this:
http://exclusif.tv/2007/09/dieux-du-stade-2008.html
November 9, 2007 at 4:01 pm
jaiguevara,
A question I have that I think is interesting is: why are you asking this specific question in the first place? And, if it’s because you’re so used to seeing women do kink porn (as a pro-domme or as a porn star, there’s really very little difference besides the size of the audience) because it’s “just a job,” isn’t that part of the problem?
I dislike the fact that I wonder about that too, not because I don’t think pros can do what they do and enjoy it as well, but because so many do it and really don’t enjoy it.
November 9, 2007 at 4:13 pm
This is how I feel. For a long time - until I started this blog - I would look at femdom stuff online, I would even go to munches and that sort of stuff. And where you are thinking ‘Is she really enjoying this?’, I’d be thinking, ‘Is she like me?’ ‘Does she feel how I do?’ ‘Am I the only fucking freak in the world?’
Because every time I met or encountered someone like this she would turn out to be making money off being dominant someway or another and the truth is, without getting into *better* or *worse* if you make money out of dominating someone, you are not made like me.
And actually, I am better. Obviously.
November 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm
So then I ended up in a place where I automatically thought every dominant woman was just in it for money and no one was really sick and wrong deep inside except me.
And this is why this culture is so fucking damaging and exclusionary. Pros can fucking whine as much as they like about me being so fucking mean to them - but they can fuck off - because being all alone with your demons hurts.
November 9, 2007 at 4:41 pm
My favorite part of porn is the face. I love reactions and struggle and tension.
That’s hard to come by in any porn, real emotions showing through, but especially impossible in plasticized fem dom porn where, if they are showing a face, it’s a badly acting Haughty Domme sort of face.
I don’t know why I try. I do try from time to time, but after I’ve tried for awhile, I wonder, why is it I keep trying?
MIP has put out some good work….Claire & Euro, sigh, really, the best I’ve ever seen (even if I did have to put a few coconuts together to make it work for me).
Still. You know?
You know.
hugs, E
November 9, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Don’t worry Jones, I still think that you are sick and wrong.
You shouldn’t worry about being alone with your demons - embrace them, you will find they make excellent drinking companions! You, half a dozen beaten and bruised, semi-naked men, I make that Pimms O’clock - see you at happy hour.
November 9, 2007 at 6:52 pm
MIP has put out some good work….Claire & Euro, sigh, really, the best I’ve ever seen (even if I did have to put a few coconuts together to make it work for me).
Yeah. I know. But I run out of patience.Or coconuts. I just get too angry.
Me and Jack were trying to rank my seven deadly sins last night. And even though there are a lot of sins I’m very fond of: lust and gluttony and sloth. Oh and pride and envy. Really, I’m all about the wrath.
Wrath!
November 9, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I feel for you but you know you just know deep down in your wonderful big heart that you have never been alone.People who say they thought they were the only ones into something must never have heard the saying theres nothing new under the sun.Or the Greeks had a word for it.If you can think it up so can lots of other people.
Try some of the pics on the Yahoo Group SM_ Church 2.There is one with two fellas in a cage looking out at a woman and i would swear there is real fear on the face of the older guy at right.You begin to start wondering have these men disapeared and its not consensual.
November 10, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Jones, I suppose the weekend is too full of shagging for you to post, so crazed drunks, such as myself, have to explore the other blogs of your posters, and the ones they link to as well. Christ, how depressing! So many of these guys seem to be in therapy or on medication, so much for being yourself being liberating. You even have women who sell books based on their fucking around complaining about how unfair it is to be marginalised as a sex addict, (is that the same as a drunk denying he is an alcoholic - don’t know, if I ever go to another AA meeting I’ll ask. They better have a bar service set up if they want to see me again).
I wonder where something as simple as fucking between like-minded people got so complicated. The fact that so many S&M blogs and sites have a glossary is kind of fucked up. The fact that so many people define themselves by their sexuality but then demand that they are not judged by it is also weird. I don’t know where I am going with this, your blog is very accessible for people like me but so much of what I read on directly or indirectly linked blogs seems to be such complete shit, although I should point out that I have read some very entertaining and interesting blogs linked to yours.
November 10, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Some people like to make it complicated because it makes them feel special.
And just between you and me, Toni, I’m one of them.
November 10, 2007 at 6:19 pm
And really, who isn’t?
November 10, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Well Jones, I don’t want to feel special - I had enough of that throughout my early life. So tell me what makes your sex life better because it is complicated? Bear in mind, that I have lived a fairly shady life so I am unlikely to be shocked.
November 10, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Dissapointed, huh! I suppose that seeing I am not getting any that the rest of the world must be fucking like rabbits, although I have three invitations from ex-lovers - none of which I am inclined to accept. Your writing is so populaist, do you really have no intention of writing something more commercial?
I sort of envy you, prior to my time as a trader, I was an artist and a writer and I also wrote, sung and played in a band, (80’s sub Duran, Tears For Fears, Thompson Twins kind of thing), but I haven’t done anything like that for so many years. Partly, because I had my fretting hand broken due to a gambling debt, (if you want to hurt someone getting your knuckles broken is almost as painful as having your toenail ripped out), but mainly because when you sink into the business I was in - absolutely nothing else matters. Trading is extraordinary.
November 10, 2007 at 7:22 pm
It’s nice that people like my writing. I don’t know if I could write about anything else. This is my calling.
November 11, 2007 at 11:09 am
Damn, just come to…(when you drink like I do, you never really wake up, you just come to), and I find I have been burgled, what I can’t understand is why they left the computers and pda’s and the stack of 50quid notes and just drained 2 bottles of Absinthe! I must say I am glad you have found your true calling but what I am most amused about today is the sidebar of praise for Jones. Has it always been there and I have just been to self-absorbed or drunk to notice or is it a new addition - anyway, damn good show Jones.
November 11, 2007 at 11:25 am
It’s been there about four days. I’m very proud of it
November 11, 2007 at 12:08 pm
As well you should be Jones, whenever you can attract that kind of hatred, you just know you must be doing something right.
You know I hate weekends, but today I feel inspired, I may invent a new cocktail in your honour Jones, something that is painfull at first but leaves a pleasant numbness, Vodka based, but definitely with bitters - any suggestions?
Also, are you aware of this story,
http://www.wtic.com/pages/1073671.php?
regarding another hedge fund type in the US, while it may seem bizarre it is quite true and the website he used is something called collar me. com, OK, it is a laugh for the likes of me but it is yet more bad publicity for the kinky lifestyle.
November 11, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Well, Toni, I don’t really follow the hedge fund news, but as Jack says, ‘Those perverts are crazy.’
A cocktail would be lovely. Can it have Baileys in it?
November 11, 2007 at 12:23 pm
hmmm, Baileys is a bit Essex girl for me I am afraid, but coffee and grog are natural bedfellows , I do have a stash of cafe tequila which although is a bit pricy I think you should try - be warned though, served neat over ice it is extremely addicitive, surely the crack cocaine of the booze world!
November 11, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Well can I have cream in it then?
And chocolate?
November 11, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Fuck me Jones, I am an alcoholic, not Willy Wonka! If there is to be a Jones cocktail it must be strong but desirable, brutal but pleasing and it must keep you coming back for more.
November 11, 2007 at 12:45 pm
You’re going to name a cocktail after me that doesn’t have chocolate in it!
I shall sue you!
November 11, 2007 at 12:50 pm
You are welcome to all my assets and liabilities, on the plus side I haven’t completed the sale of the house in Spain yet, on the down side I am currently liable to my brokers for about 3.8million quid - however I am short the market and that could be a good bet.
November 11, 2007 at 12:53 pm
I’m sure that will turn around once the cocktail takes off
November 11, 2007 at 1:02 pm
You could be right, considering I have blown so much dough on booze, (I once flew myself and one of the ex-girlfriends to Phuket from Sumatra, just so she could suck mango margaritas off my cock), it is about time I made some money out of it - I am sure you feel the same about porn! I am not sure about chocolate and real booze though for some reason I think my new found love of Absinthe should be in the Jones cocktail, maybe as a chaser, it is strong medicine but in popular culture it is associated with Kylie Minogue thanks to Moulon Rouge - c’mon this is the drink of the lost generation and deserves a more fitting ambassador.
November 11, 2007 at 1:06 pm
I have never had absinthe - but I like colours
November 11, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Well, just had the first potential Jones drink, (Christ what time is it anyway), it was a pour of Absinthe,(100mg of thujone), done traditionally over a sugar cube into an ice, a measure of cognac and tabasco. It is nice but more Hemmingway than Jones I am afraid.
Anyway I shall keep trying - Tokyo opens at 2am and I am expecting a big sell off, where the hell are your other fans, don’t they have any Jones related booze advice for yet another lost weekend in my life?
November 11, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Eurgh!
Am I meant to drink that or force butch men to drink it?
November 11, 2007 at 3:32 pm
It is inpired by you rather than drunk by you - think of yourself more as a muse!
Anyway I am onto rum based drinks right now - Don’t try this at home kids.
November 11, 2007 at 10:34 pm
I’m waiting with bated breath for the further evolution of the Bitchy cocktail.
November 12, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Toni - Absinthe & limoncello & vodka in some sort of combination? I don’t know much about inventing cocktails, but that seems (in my head) like it might work.
Would the cocktail be called a Jones, a Bitchy, or a Bitchy Jones?
As soon as you’ve perfected this, I promise to try it.
November 12, 2007 at 10:45 pm
But, sweetie, I have already invented a cocktail for you to drink…
November 12, 2007 at 11:23 pm
I think there should be a James Bond film with Bitchy as the villain. That is all.
November 13, 2007 at 8:16 am
Yah, I know your cocktail.
I just thought Toni’s sounded more - ummm - palatable…
November 13, 2007 at 10:02 am
Really?
Well perhaps you should just marry Toni as his cocktails are so great!
November 29, 2007 at 4:15 am
God, I’d still give a shit about this if I hadn’t spent the past decade of my life screaming myself hoarse over it to no avail.
Look, I’ll put it plainly: MEN CARE MORE ABOUT NOT BEING PERCEIVED AS GAY BY OTHER MEN THAN THEY DO ABOUT WOMEN. We squeeze their repulsive souls out our our bodies, and that’s what they think of us for it.
In fact, they couldn’t give two half-craps about women period. THEY HATE US, OKAY? They wake up every morning and curse the universe blue in the face for attaching BRAINS to those nice juicy jiggly tits and cunts that they all want to play with. If only God hadn’t played such a cruel joke on them, they’d be able to pick tits and cunts off of trees or something, instead of having to fake giving a crap about some dumb chick or wasting money on dinner and a movie before they get to play with them.
“Oh, you don’t reeeeaaaally think that!”
YES, I DO. After four and some decades of their stinking, fetid, RANCID HORSESHIT, I hate them back. They will NEVER see us as humans. They will NEVER give a flat asscrack about what we want or like. Sex will ALWAYS be better for them the more we don’t like it.
“Why, what a SHAME and PITY that you feel that way! I can’t IMAGINE how AWFUL your experiences must have been to make you feel that way!”
Wake up, they’re the same ones we’ve all had. Growing up trapped on a planet populated by creatures who are stronger than I am, more violent than I am, who resent my very human existence and who consider sticking their dicks inside of a woman to be roughly equivalent to taking a shit in her cunt. (The same cunt they got pushed out of, mind you!) Surrounded by large, violent, physically powerful creatures whose attitude about sex can be summed up as, “If I get my dick in you, you lose.” Only I’m not in denial about it.
I can’t tell you how supernova-quality ANGRY this whole fucking topic makes me. I can’t believe I’m actually commenting on a thread to say I HATE THIS THREAD I HATE IT I AGREE WITH YOU I NEVER WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS EVER AGAIN I AGREE.
They will NEVER see us as humans, nor will they EVER comprehend the sheer, repulsive, mindnumbing horror of their inability.
And if you, Mr. Sensitive Guy Poster, are all offended about this and got your nose out of joint because You Aren’t Like That, you can kiss my bald, white ass.
November 29, 2007 at 5:34 pm
And if you, Mr. Sensitive Guy Poster, are all offended about this and got your nose out of joint because You Aren’t Like That, you can kiss my bald, white ass.
Oooh. We just love it when you’re all angry like that; you get this cute little flush in your cheeks that makes us all aroused.
November 30, 2007 at 9:27 am
As someone who has had great swathes of her potential sex life ruined by generalisations about what women like me want and are, I tend to be somewhat against generalisations. In general.
An awful lot of men are as dismayed by the situation with porn as sexual politics as I am. A lot of men read this blog (and others like it) just because they are interested in what a woman thinks about sex.
I am absolutely certain from my small amount of field research that most men like to have sex with a woman who is enjoying herself.
November 30, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I am absolutely certain from my small amount of field research that most men like to have sex with a woman who is enjoying herself.
*nods*
It’s always been my contention that if my partner is enjoying herself, then I’ll be invited back for more.
November 30, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Tom, I’ve known many men who seem to take pride in their skills wrt causing female enjoyment. Is that tied to the goal of being invited back for more, or is it honoured as a skill in itself? (If they cause enough orgasms, do they gain experience points and level up?)
November 30, 2007 at 6:37 pm
That’s a tough one - yes, it’s partly to be invited back; it’s much easier to get invited back to someone who has pleasant
mammariesmemories than it is to develop new territory.But there is also some intrinsic enjoyment in being skilled at anything, so we can’t discount it.
Note, however, that being “skilled” in sex is highly subjective. I mean, all those years of honing my skills would be lost on, say, Beej who might consider them superfluous - she’d much prefer me to be digging a ditch in the hot sun.
November 30, 2007 at 6:54 pm
What? I don’t like sex skills?
WHAT?
The ditch is foreplay, Tom. *Foreplay*. Ask anyone I’ve slept with.
November 30, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Of course you like skills. We all do. It’s just that some of us never thought about shoveling and lifting as lovemaking skills. Well, in specific, anyway.
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