I am a Dominant Slut

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You know what I fucking love? I fucking love to get fucked. With Pan and I, there’s barely even a conversation – just an eleven o clock shrug and we’re in bed and it’s happening. When Jack walks through the door he’s practically fucking me hello in the time it takes to get out of our clothes and over a mattress.

I like fucking for the same reason I like hitting men, looking at bondage porn or eating steak and chips. I like pleasure. Call that an oxymoron if you want, but you’d be surprised how abnormal I feel sometimes in wanting the enjoyment of enjoyableness. For aspiring to ambrosia and nectar and Adonis. To milk and honey alcohol. To sloth and gluttony and lust and TV.

When I get turned on I want to get fucked. And you know what turns me on. When I get turned on my cunt gets wet. It gets wet for cock. It’s like when my mouth waters to be filled with food. My cunt waters to be filled with cock.

Does that sound gross? It kind of does. I don’t really like to combine food and sex – but the pleasure connections here of being filled up, stretched and sated, are too strong to ignore.

I was talking to a friend recently who was telling me about a prodom she knew. (I get into people’s bad books with stuff like this – but this was how the conversation went.) So this friend asked the prodom friend one day – some time after she had retired from the prodominatrixing game – if doing ‘that stuff’ actually turned her on.

The ex-prodom gave stock ‘does it really turn you on, Mistress Lash?’ answer #34. She talked of a cerebral connection, a power rush, a high, the mental aspect which meant so, so much more.

And this friend, the one who’d asked the question and was reporting the conversation to me shrugged and said, ‘So, is that what it’s like? A head rush?’

A head rush?

No

Try a couple of feet nearer the equator.

Sometimes all this head rush talk and similar combined with the idea that the only women who really do what I do do it for money not for hot sticky joy makes me obsessed with the desire to prove it. I know talk of ‘realness’ is futile, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by a need to believe in me. I do not know how many times I’ve brought my hands, wet and sticky, glistening from within me, to show Jack that what happened when he screamed was not a ‘head rush’.

I don’t think he minds.

Sometimes all it is with me is the desire to prove it. Not to be better. You know I don’t play games I can’t win. Just sometimes even I think it can’t really be this way.

Female sadism? Is that even a thing?

That’s why I write this blog really. There isn’t much more to it. I just want to be believed.

I just want people to know how I feel when I hurt him.

Buzzing and thrumming with need and want.

I want people to know I have this thing inside me. A twisted up need of no real use.

I like to hurt men. I like to be dominant. And I like to get fucked. Hard.

Fucked hard in the cunt.

I don’t really want to sound so gross and porny. I don’t really want to sound like greedy cum slut hungry for cock. But I didn’t take the idea of wanting to get fucked and make it into some revolting porn cliché.

And then, after I hadn’t done that, what I didn’t do next is make it so the group of women I am in were the only group of women male-fantazee women exempt from the horny cum sluts category. So here I am, trying to say I do love to get fucked without sounding like every horrible porno cliché of a woman who loves to get fucked. Put me in the love to get fucked catagory, and while you’re there can you make that whole concept less fucking offensive too.

Maybe if I try it like this. I love to get fucked because being fucked feels good.

In femdom it’s like we think we know better. That we think the pound-me, pound-me clichés are made up for male dick-hardening pleasure. We think we are on some kind of higher plane where we know his tongue is the key to female sexual pleasure and, hey, let’s flip it over and let him get pounded for a change.

But it’s all gone wrong. The people who set that stuff missed a step. The missed out on asking women whether getting fucked was something that was actually nice under all the flim-flammery.

One crucial thing was over looked in this race to elevate women to bossiness. To escape the oppressive tyranny of PIV sex and let women be in charge. They failed to notice that it wasn’t being penetrated itself that was submissive. It was just that all femininity was equated with submission – that everything a woman did in sex had been made to look as if it was a priori submissive.

But there is no way that such simple basics – being the hole or the plug – are on their own submissive or dominant. It only has further meaning in context.

Sometimes it feels like femdom is a big mirror. You hold it up to the world and you see all kinds of yukky beliefs reflected by and clear. Like that bit in the Snow Queen or something.

But that’s the fact. Way back in the past when they invented misogyny they decided that women were lower status and thus had the low status role in sex. He had the mighty phallus – she had the dirty needy hole. You can see how femdom later thought, hey, lets flip this shit. Let’s make the guy be called slut for wanting and be filled. But those things aren’t really submissive. Having something pushed into your body that feels amazing is only submissive because someone decided that the female role in sex was a submissive one.

You don’t need to put the guy on the bottom because he is the bottom. It misses the fucking point. Fucking. Which is the point. Which feels good. Which doesn’t have an innate power exchange embedded in it.

Really. It just doesn’t.

Much as it is a big shame for those of us who like temporary sex-based status difference pretences, sex, done right, is pretty much fun for fun. It’s equal. You cannot humiliate someone just by fucking them. Only by fucking them in context. Or getting them to fuck you in context. Perhaps a knife-to-throat growly rapey context.

I’m not a crazily Gspot human being. There’s many a Gspot much more triggery than mine. I need clit stimulation to come (and some kind of d/s). But that doesn’t mean that stimulating my G doesn’t feel amazing.

I was always a woman who loved to get fucked, but something about Jack’s cock or the way he fucks me has moved it up a notch even for me. There is something in synch right there that means that the way his cock smashes and smooshes against places inside me, makes each caress of my G spot feel like a tiny orgasm of it’s own. Clitoral orgasms are still my show stopper. My screaming, sweating, losing-it, brighter-than-the-sun specialism. But G spot sparkles are like little stars.

Tiny orgasms with no end or peak.

Over and over and over.

Moregasms. (Sorry.)

Gspot sensations are like rolling around in pleasure on pleasure, and clitoral orgasms are the thing that makes me lose control in that which-way-is-up way. So if we’re talking about control, I’m way more in control if I’m being fucked than if I’m being driven to orgasm by an insistent tongue. So if we’re talking about what is the most dominant and controlling thing to have done…

Not to run down clitoral orgams. That would be beyond dumb. Even me, me who is wethotstickkysweet for control, still really wants the kind of control that is on a collision course with the whiteout of pleasure.

Isn’t every nirvana a little loss of control? And for me the d/s is just how I get there. Sometimes it’s hitting, sometimes it’s my new and still slightly embarrassingly trite pony boy fantasy.

(Why does pony man sound so wrong – mine really are pony men. Stallion men. Oh fuck. I can’t believe I just wrote ‘stallion men’.

Like I don’t have to fight every time to stop my sexual preferences turning my bedroom bliss into something completely risible. For some reason, I tried to dominatrix Jack in a German accent yesterday. (‘You vill do vot I say.’) Not possible to finish sentences for laughing.)

But to get back to my Gspot, being fucked feels amazing and you know what position feels best?

Doggie. From behind. You know, me on my knees, with my face in the pillows and my arse in the air.

And it’s a position that seems to signify some kind of submission more than any other kind of getting fucked. Yes, the most pleasurable way to get fucked is the most ’submissive’ way to get fucked. All the crap around penetration double triple plus.

Like in animal behaviour documentaries where we see this all fours/head down position and get told the female is “submitting” or “presenting”.

Not fucking demanding to be fucked. Demanding he do some work. Do his fucking job.

Fucking fuck me.

NOW!

This position says ‘do it’ not ‘do me’. Make me feel amazing. Gspot sensations. Like stars.

Sometimes the way they talk about when the female animal agrees to sex by showing the male her cunt it is like she is driven by some other kind of urge than her own wanting or desire. Unlike male animals who are all about sexual want. It’s like the female just has some kind of urge to submit to the male’s urge for sex, rather than to her own pleasure.

I have heard tell of submissive men who refuse to fuck a woman in this position, because she is submissive. Automatically. Get into this position and you will become a submissive.

Or something.

Fuckers. Fucking liars. Submissive men denying women pleasure because it doesn’t fit in with their male centred idea of what dominant women ought to want – who’d’ve thought!

This position is not submissive. It’s just ready for sex. A woman who wants sex is no more submissive than a man who does. Than a man with an erection. Needy, wanting, demanding, maybe some or all of these. But not simply a priori submissive.

There is nothing intrinsically submissive about offering your cunt (or your arse) to be fucked in this position. It is only seen as submissive because everything women do gets classed as submissive sooner or later (to buoy up idea that femininity and submissive are somehow interchangeable)

And female submissives who feel itchy with their sexuality and want it to be something outside themselves point out calmly (as they have to me, twice in the last couple of months) that it’s natural for women to be turned on by submission. Because they have to submit to being fucked.

Yeah, except for the whole bit where being fucked feels amazing.

Do you ‘submit’ to being massaged? Do you ‘submit’ to having a bubble bath? Do you ‘submit’ to eating pizza?

And it’s a fucking bitch being a dominant women when all female pleasurable behaviour gets classed as submission. Like, me having fun is me not being dominant. No wonder you have to pay the women to stay here.

Thrusting a wet open cunt in the air is just asking for something. And asking can play all kinds of ways from demanding to begging.

From please fuck me to fuck me now or I’ll fucking cut it off.

And, well, sometimes, pleasure, the pursuit of pleasure, the desire for sensations does funny things. Sometimes, when I’m head down, arse up, waiting and wanting, demanding and greedy, and he pushes into me, and his cock is nothing less than the final piece of my puzzle, I might say, ‘God. Please.’

Because, really, politeness costs nothing.

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