Jack came to stay for all of Christmas. He has just gone home. He will still be on a train now and his presence is still everywhere in my flat. The last things he did before he left, were carve up the rest of my joint of ham with his big sharp knife and then fuck me. He smelt kind of smoky when we fucked and that was strangely nice. And he is good at fucking me and has a big thick cock.
A whole week of him was the strangest luxury. Pan split his time between home with us and his other girlfriend. And I just had a fucking wonderful time. There was more than one night when I slept with both of them. (If your bed is a mattress on the floor it is very easy to make your bed bigger.)
I’m so ordinary. Okay, so I have the whole dominatrix wiring which is some circles is considered like a dab from the good fairy. (In other circles – my circles – it’s a lot more like the thing Malificent would give, but I accept that some people like it.) And, okay, I do occasionally make a witty remark – but really I’m a lot of unspecial. I’m not pretty by any of the standard definitions. I don’t have a tight body. (Jack says every part of me jiggles – not that I don’t like him saying that. I’m not full of shame about my body. Most days.) I’m also socially incompetent, broken and shy. But I woke up on Xmas morning in bed with two wonderful, attractive, special and specially naked men – so I guess I must have been good all year. ‘Cept for all of the how I really, really wasn’t.
One night Jack and I borrowed Gwen’s flat for secret cocooning and perverted sex. I had my nipple clamps – the ones that used to be used for coupling train carriages – and I threaded onto it one of the kind of snap link things that I can’t use for bondage anymore because of the whole chained man beast escape thing.
(Jack is always saying how I make out he is so super butch and if people who read Beej met him they would be all surprised that he is not like a WWF wrestler or something. Ha. Well, maybe.)
So anyway then with the snap link hanging down from the clamps I added padlocks to the hook of it to weight the clamps. More and more. While he let me know that that was very painful. When Jack hurts his face looks amazing. It’s all about being brave for him. And I get to see that. The beauty, the masculinity in his sacrificing. The rawness of it. Why I love this stuff. Why I will never shut up about how much I love this stuff. Why you can’t feel like I do and not fall a little bit in love with someone who submits to pain for you. Why I can’t keep my emotions safe in these situations.
And what he gives to me. His comfort. Pieces of himself. His right not to feel afraid.
And he wonders why I make him sound so butch when I write him, when he kneels there and asks me for another weight on the chain, just because I like to hear his voice papering over the cracks when he asks for the thing he least wants.
He also crawled. He wore a bit gag that made him drool while I whispered to him to keep looking me right in the eye. He hates that. I came looking at him hogtied on the floor. We didn’t fuck until next morning. He didn’t come.
And then we went out for breakfast. He had eggs and black pudding and sausage. I had kippers. Fuck, I love kippers. And Jack says:
- I don’t get that small penis humiliation thing
- No one sane does. Oh, how sexy. You cannot satisfy me, etc, etc. Excuse me I have just come at the thought of telling someone their cock is no use to me. Just WTF?
- I was looking at this woman’s website and she was into all that small penis thing and these guys could send her pics of their cock and ten dollars and she would post it up at the top of her page and it would stay there until someone else paid ten dollars. And it would move down until it came off the end and then I guess you’d have to pay again
- Oh, for fuck’s sake
- And the weird thing is some of these cocks, okay, were kind of small, but most of them were pretty much average size.
- That’s so weird. And she is like on the internet saying oh god, these cocks can’t satisfy me. Oh no way?
- And they were pretty normal cocks.
- God. You know what I say? What’s wrong with her? Jesus. You can’t be satisfied by them normal sized cocks, love, do some pelvic floor exercises, ‘cause normal sized cocks ought to be feeling pretty fucking awesome. I mean I’m not saying size doesn’t matter, ‘cause, well, you know…
- Yeah. I know.
- But she’s basically saying: Normal sized cocks aren’t any good to me – I have a massive cunt. In fact all these women, all over the net banging on about how all these men have unsatisfactory cocks are basically really saying: I have a hopelessly baggy saggy vagina. In fact, this woman is charging ten dollars to put a page on the internet advertising how slack her cunt is! I mean, you have to ask who is really being humiliated here?
29 Comments
December 31, 2007 at 12:12 am
Hahaha. “You should cut down on your prick-life, love, get some Kegel exercises!” Sing it with me!
December 31, 2007 at 4:01 am
I briefly played with a Domme that loved to insult the size of my unit. She was clearly doing it just to try and humiliate me. I remember rolling my eyes at her and thinking “yeah right, and just 1 hours ago you were riding me and screaming about how great my cock was”.
Then again, I’ve never understood humiliation in general.
December 31, 2007 at 11:33 am
Ha, this is great. Great lovely sex and funny at the same time.
Sometimes when I go to comment on a topic that you and I have discussed nearly to death privately over the last 8 months, I think, gah why bother. Beej isn’t hanging waiting to hear what *I* think about small penis humiliation…..but, can’t resist here, so one more time.
Teh sexay is: you have a beautiful, amazing, brilliantly satisfying cock and it all *belongs* to *me*. Now, use it the way I tell you to and be quick about it.
Much better.
Glad you had such a wonderful holiday. Also glad to hear you are alive since apparently Jack has been taking *all* of your time. Grin.
hugs, E
December 31, 2007 at 11:56 am
He is distracting. He worries, you know. He worries that he might make me so happy that I will stop getting enraged.
Who knows
December 31, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Hmm. Much as I often enjoy your bitchings, I am not impressed with this “saggy cunt = humiliation” equation.
It’s only humiliating if you buy into a particular judgement about what cunts ought to be like. Which is problematic i.m.o. And that particular hierarchy of tighter=better already has a depressingly well-worn path, which historically has had very little to do with women being empowered and a lot to do with the privileging of men’s pleasure. (see e.g. “husband stitch”)
“To take much pleasure in a world filled with many kinds of beauty is a joy in life to which all women are entitled. To support only one kind of beauty is to be somehow unobservant of nature. There cannot be only one kind of songbird, only one kind of pine tree, only one kind of wolf. There cannot be one kind of baby, one kind of man, or one kind of woman. There cannot be one kind of breast, one kind of waist, one kind of skin.” – Clarissa Pinkola Estes
“There cannot be only one kind of cunt” – me
December 31, 2007 at 12:22 pm
No, no, that’s not what I mean at all. Of course all the insults aimed at women’s vaginas being not tight are gross misogyny. What I mean is that within the male defined terms of this kind of humiliation ‘my dick is so small – I cannot satisfy you’, there is also a subtle male defined humiliation for the woman who can never be satisfied. And that like so much in femdom it is steeped in a hatred of women so intense it almost becomes a norm you stop seeing.
Both are fucking disgusting.
I kind of assumed people would know I thought that.
December 31, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Fantastic post, Bitchy. Thank you for daring to make sense.
December 31, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Teh sexay is: you have a beautiful, amazing, brilliantly satisfying cock and it all *belongs* to *me*. Now, use it the way I tell you to and be quick about it.
See, there must be something wrong with me, too, ‘cos that is the kind of thing that Ireally want to hear from my partner.
I’m with Jack. I really don’t get it.
It’s only humiliating if you buy into a particular judgement about what cunts ought to be like.
Beej has an interesting take on this, although she starts from the wrong premise in order to reach that conclusion. But I did have to stop to think about it for a bit.
The problem is that many of these guys with an average sized penis do not consider themselves to be average sized at all; they see themselves – intentionally or not – as being severely undersized. It has nothing to do with the size of the nearest vagina, it’s something that happens in their own heads.
That said, it does make you wonder why their partner doesn’t look at their penis and think to themselves “What the hell does he think I’ve got here, a bucket?”
Then again, I’ve never understood humiliation in general.
::nods::
December 31, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I really, really like humiliation. It’s one of my favourite ever things. But so many of the idea about what is humiliating for a man are so fucking stupid and based on such fucking nonsense ideas of what masculinity is.
But I do get humiliation. Oh, really.
December 31, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Maybe I should have phrased that differently, Beej. I do get making him clean my boots with his tongue humiliation; what I don’t get is the “I have a small penis” humiliation.
Okay, it’s like this: I want to please my partner; if licking her boots or crawling on the floor pleases her, then I can manage to hold those kinds of thoughts in my head. But the “tiny penis” thing doesn’t compute for me; how can I please or satisfy my partner with a tiny penis, and why would I expect her to get any enjoyment from pointing this out? I mean wouldn’t we both be missing out on teh sexxay?
December 31, 2007 at 3:24 pm
But so many of the idea about what is humiliating for a man are so fucking stupid and based on such fucking nonsense ideas of what masculinity is.
Oh, and this goes without saying, but glad you mentioned it anyway.
December 31, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I like to mention it a couple of times a day. It’s like my warm up exercise.
December 31, 2007 at 3:35 pm
You need a warm up?
December 31, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Of course. I start each day like a cross between Snow White and Fotherington-Thomas, letting chirruping birds perch on my fingers and saying ‘hullo clouds, hullo trees, hullo mandom rope bondage experts who always sneer at me, hullo professional domintrixes’. It takes a good five minutes on the internet and repeating inspiring chants to get this enraged about everything.
Rawr
December 31, 2007 at 5:33 pm
I’ve once had the opposite experience. The man had a gorgeous cock (slightly above average in size, but a really nice shape) and apparently, a lot of women had praised it. So, when I didn’t make a big deal about it, and treated it like any other cock, he was disappointed. And then assumed I was a big- cockfucking whore because I didn’t buy into the cock-praising and told him it was pretty average. He figured I must have been out fucking the REALLY big ones. Just amazing how much men are into their own heads sometimes. Pun intended.
December 31, 2007 at 7:21 pm
While he let me know that that was very painful. When Jack hurts his face looks amazing. It’s all about being brave for him. And I get to see that. The beauty, the masculinity in his sacrificing. The rawness of it. Why I love this stuff. Why I will never shut up about how much I love this stuff. Why you can’t feel like I do and not fall a little bit in love with someone who submits to pain for you. Why I can’t keep my emotions safe in these situations.
And what he gives to me. His comfort. Pieces of himself. His right not to feel afraid.
When you say this kind of stuff, it makes my day.
Yes.
December 31, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Well, it was a pretty good day
December 31, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Dear Snow Wh-, uh, Beej -
I don’t get the small penis humiliation thing at all. But, now the disclaimer’s out the way, I guess the question for me is do the *men* who get off on that sort of thing have in mind the sort of “subtle male-defined humiliation” you’re talking about? I’d guess not. Does that not then make it okay?
It just worries me that you may be second-guessing what they’re thinking. Couldn’t these same men be sitting at home right now with their perhaps-even-normal-sized cocks imagining that any man who wants to get hurt as part of sex is only actually enjoying it because they know the woman involved isn’t strong enough to hurt them, and therefore it’s part of a giant conspiracy to keep the cultural perception of women weak?
I know I’m playing devil’s advocate here, and I should point out at this point that once I’m restrained my girlfriend’s more than strong enough to hurt me pretty seriously were she so inclined, and that is very much the *point* – but you see what I’m saying, I hope.
Jennifer – read your link, but episiotomies didn’t enter clinical practice because of the opportunity for a “husband stitch” afterwards at all – they’re designed to stop vaginal tears going rear-wards and making women faecally incontinent. Which, let’s face it, would *really* fuck with their sex lives.
Is there a prize for least pleasant side-track of 2007 I can enter this comment for? Thanks.
January 1, 2008 at 1:05 pm
BJ – Thanks for the clarification.
Rivera – sorry, that probably wasn’t the best article to link to – I couldn’t find one that I felt summed up the territory. But I didn’t mean to imply that episiotomy was invented in order to give an excuse for stitching, nor that “extra” stitches would only happen with episiotomy cuts (as opposed to natural tearing). They are separate though linked issues.
I should also acknowledge that out on the web you can also find people saying re “husband stitch”: “naah it’s a myth, that’s never happened”. And I can’t give you what you would probably think was an authoritative source. But on the balance of what I have read about it over time from different sources, I would be astonished if it was all fictional. Much worse genital mutilations happen to women – why not that?
As for episiotomy, what you’re saying is a popular line, but NOT evidence-based medicine. Henci Goer says All of the standard reasons given for the frequent or routine use of episiotomy have been discredited by medical research. That article links to kosher scientific references and all.
Anyway, this is veering off into “medicalisation of childbirth”, on which I could rant for England, so maybe I better stop there. But I recommend Henci Goer’s books for anyone planning to give birth any time soon.
January 1, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Back on topic: I have been pondering the “small penis” thing and trying to imagine what that would do for someone. And I think I get it, or at least I get an aspect or two of it. (Disclaimer: I am not a bloke.)
I think it could be partly about defying, and/or having a holiday from, the relentless “Thou shalt have a big one” which exists almost everywhere else in the world.
In reality, I suspect there are quite a lot of women who aren’t that bothered about cock size, e.g. if the fucking is not particularly their favourite bit of sex anyway. And I’ve heard maybe one or two women (ever in my life) say they’re more comfortable with smaller cocks, esp. if their preference is arse fucking.
But there’s a cultural myth whereby bigger is always supposed to be better. (see e.g. at least 50% of the spam which currently sneaks through my spam filters here.) And I think it’s primarily a male-to-male myth – it doesn’t originate around women and what they really want. I think indoctrination into the myth starts young, and I can imagine that for some boys if not most, and some men if not most, it’s a “loaded issue” in a way that women don’t really quite have an equivalent of.
So. You know like one aspect of the pleasure of submission can be having a sort of “holiday from responsibility”?
Well, by analogy with that, I can really get the liberation of playing “oh no, but my one is so small!” And instead of feeling genuinely shamed (which may well have happened in their life too, or may have been something they’ve feared), playing with the shame of that and treating it as a turn-on.
And I think this works just the same if in actual fact you have an average size willy. (and for all we know, maybe the ones playing that game now were late developers and have memories of anxiety or teasing around that in their childhood history.)
Plus there is an element of mischievous defiance, I think – defying the rule that you’re supposed to worry about it, and instead flaunting it, which in the normal state of affairs would be considered distinctly perverse. I can imagine that part of the pleasure of the photos-on-the-web thing could be a version of “Look at my cock, people!” even though it’s got this ostensible reason layered on top, “It’s so small!”
From the point of view of the woman playing the “Yours is so small!” game, obviously one possible source of pleasure is the generic enjoyment of getting someone else turned on. But I could also imagine a woman getting quite into the glee of the forbidden/taboo communication. (I mean talk about “What not to say to a bloke!” haha.) That’s another aspect of the “breaking the rules”. It wouldn’t be my thing, I think, but it’s not too big a leap of imagination that it might exist.
Having said that, I think you’re right that it’s mostly men who enjoy and seek out the game. That would make sense because they are the ones on whom the bigger/better meme presses most personally and relentlessly. And anything with that numerical imbalance is likely to be a popular area for pro-domming. (An arguable feminist analysis here, although I’m not saying it’s the whole story, would be “women providing for the emotional needs of individual men who have been injured by (patriarchal) society = stereotypical role whether paid or unpaid”.)
I expect some switchy couples also follow it with a turnabout “No my cock is quite big enough, now I will prove it” type thing, which might prove rather more physically enjoyable for the woman
But aside from that, I don’t think it has much to do with fucking at all, so no surprise that it doesn’t make any sense in those terms. I think its origins are in man/man rivalry, sexual display and shaming, not in man/woman sex (or indeed man/man sex) and physical pleasure.
= my 2p for today
January 1, 2008 at 1:10 pm
p.s. I did respond to you too Rivera but it’s not up yet – I’ve just realised it’s probably in the moderation queue at the moment due to having 2 links in it.
January 1, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Fixed the moderation thing.
The thing about small penis humiliation is that it is very much tied into the whole male submission trope of getting off on how much you don’t get women off. It’s linked into the sissification thing and it is all about taking actual female desire out of this sexuality.
January 2, 2008 at 9:52 pm
It’s fairly obvious, though, what the motivation is for putting pictures of penises on a website at $50 a pop. I mean, I’d do that. Hell.
January 2, 2008 at 9:54 pm
$10, sorry. I misremembered. That’s OK – I’m extra dommely so I’m sure I could charge more.
January 2, 2008 at 10:00 pm
So what’s stopping you? Coding skills? Human dignity?
January 5, 2008 at 6:38 am
I’m not sure how giving a man an audience for his dick pics (and frankly, isn’t that one of those top internet complaints, that men send those damn things everywhere, and no one wants to see them?), even if he does have to pay for it, goes against human dignity.
What it comes down to is a guy who wants some attention paid to his pecker, someone looking at it, focusing on it so intently that they’re judging it.
And when you come right down to it it’s paid image hosting plus traffic. I’m wondering when you’ll take Flickr to task for selling pro accounts to all those folks with nudes…
January 5, 2008 at 8:39 am
That just made my day.
January 7, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I guess it doesn’t actually seem worth the time and trouble to do it. I would hardly make money hand over fist, and I’d have to make up and maintain a whole alternate personality to do it. Kinda like being a phone sex operator.
April 7, 2008 at 5:31 pm
“But she’s basically saying: Normal sized cocks aren’t any good to me – I have a massive cunt. In fact all these women, all over the net banging on about how all these men have unsatisfactory cocks are basically really saying: I have a hopelessly baggy saggy vagina. In fact, this woman is charging ten dollars to put a page on the internet advertising how slack her cunt is! I mean, you have to ask who is really being humiliated here?”
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Funny cause it’s true!
May we link?
xo
Miss O