The Complete Bitchy Jones

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The only post of mine you ever need to read.

The first post I wrote here was on 20th January 2007.

It was about fetish clothing and being fat. I have changed what I think quite a lot since then – especially seeing as how I was just reposting it from my old weblog on Informed Consent. That post was actually first written in October 2001.

(A lot of the early posts on here were direct reposts from my old Informed Consent weblog (also called Bitchy Jones’s diary), up to and including Fuck Me – which got a much bigger response this time around.)

But the fact is all the things in this blog are things that I have been saying all over chat rooms and forums for years. This is the first time I ever felt like people were listening - or even cared.

So it’s been good - this year. I started this blog with no fanfare, no comments, and no readers. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell Pan or Gwen or any of the people who I know who now read it and then pop round to tell me that they liked the thing I wrote about piss. And then I get bashful. ‘Cause I am sort of shy, really. Shy about this stuff. These are probably the parts of myself I am least happy with. And I am neurotic as fuck so there’s a lot of competition.

Anyway, though, in the spirit of annual review I have decided to try and draw together the journey so far, look at how far we have come, and present everything I know in one tidy little only-slightly-rambly nutshell.

The Six Most Unpopular Popular Opinions of Bitchy Jones

1. Forced feminisation is misogynistic and must be stopped
One of the key pillars of femdom. The sissy maid. The panty boy. The guy who is humiliated by being ‘forced’ to cross dress. Take a man down with a degrading downgrade to woman

Just tell me how this isn’t insulting to women. Just tell me how any kind of happy fun sex for women is going to arise in a context where the first thing the guy wants is to be degraded by being made more like her. (And perhaps also called a ‘slut’, because then he’s like, a woman who likes sex and likes getting fucked and what could be more degrading than that…? Gee, I don’t know, perhaps being an actual woman and having your actual sexuality represented by this kind of anti-sex, anti-women, anti-women-having-recreational-sex CRAP?)

Some people have told me that it is really about looking silly or ridiculous and that being the humiliation. Not being a woman - just being a crappy looking woman. Which is a pretty awful defence for three reasons. First the idea that men in women’s clothes are ridiculous is pretty damn insulting to every kind of gender bending man who likes to cross dress for fun rather than for oh, this is so humiliating.

Secondly, it implies that what these forced fem panty boys are trying to be is ugly women. That that is what they see as the lowest of the low.

That’s the downgrade – and therefore the dominatrix still has power because she’s more attractive. That’s the only way you can be less than her. Be a woman. A less attractive woman. Oh so it’s not humiliating to be a *woman* - just to be an ugly woman.

Well fuck that and fuck you. And get this *shit* out of my kink.

So you think it’s humiliating to wear women’s underwear and not look like a supermodel? Well fucking guess what, yes it is thanks to you.

Thirdly, why the fuck would someone who wants to have sex with you want you too look ridiculous? Too much mansub stuff is deliberately, knowingly unsexy. It is a fucking slap in the face to women who really get off on stuff like this. All the doing female household chores and the small penis humiliation and the fucking cuckoldry. I get off on how I much I don’t get the woman off.

How nice for you. And I get…?

I get an answer to my question about why so few women are here who aren’t being paid to be here.

More stuff I wrote on this

2. Strap on cocks enforce a phallocentric idea of power and imply that allowing themselves to be fucked in the cunt is something women do as a favour to men.
A dominant woman is - almost universally in femdom - a woman with a cock. Was I really the first person to point out how *fucked* *up* this is?

Look at forced feminisation and strap on cocks together and you end up asking yourself, wtf? Why can’t femdom exist just between a boring old woman and a boring old man. Gender fuck twice (because the woman being on top is already gender fuck enough) and you end up back with reactionary ideas about who gets to be boss and who gets to be called a slut and pounded for it.

It just astounds me the lengths people will go to wrap femdom up on the safety of cock dominating cunt. Or cock dominanting man-pussy, a term that grossness decrees we can use to refer to men’s arseholes in this context. God. Man-pussy. That makes no sense. What is *my* arsehole then? Is that a man-pussy too? Or a woman pussy?

You see how confusing this stuff gets? The paradox of submission has nothing on this stoopid brain ache that is caused by the ridiculous desperation to degrade female sexuality even in this thing that is supposed to be about women getting what they want.

But men really run femdom. (Of course.) Right from the fact that woman who dominate invariably wear the obvious symbol of their honorary masculinity when they boss a man around for sex, right through female led relationships, where the women really are led – led right into someone else’s sexuality. Through to our number 3 – the prodom ubiquity. Where men really get to run everything.

More stuff I wrote about this

3. Professional Dominatrixes undermine real female desire and perpetuate ridiculous anti-sex notions of female sexual dominance
The vast majority of women who are (or claim to be) sexually dominant ask men for money. If you’re being paid for it he’s in charge. It’s not about a woman taking charge of her sexuality anymore it’s about women using their sexualities to get other stuff. It makes sex into something women supply and men demand.

It takes female sexual desire right out of the loop. My desires just wink and blink away. I don’t even exist.

This is and continues to be my problem with sex work (along with the vague assertion that sex workers are somehow more sexually liberated than women who have sex for, like, fun). And this is why I think Abby Lee is a trail blazer and Belle du Jour is an utter bore.

But there is more to prodomming than sex work. (Oh, it is sex work – no one claims strippers aren’t sex workers ‘cause they don’t have actual sex. It is. Accept that at least and that’s one less lie you’re telling about my sexuality.)

I have had brilliantly informative emails from prodoms and ex-prodoms who have pointed out that actually it isn’t all about the money. For the simple reason that the money ain’t that good. The market is saturated. Hence the phone lines and the old shoes for the sale and the general whiff of desperation that hangs around prodoms like the sweet scent of silicone spray.

But if prodoms aren’t doing this for money then why are they doing it?

Because it’s about being wanted and adored. They are enabling his fantasies because these are women who get their jollies simply from being *fantasy* personified. Being his own special creation. And, yes, he thinks you are pretty. (Is it any surprise so many pros are submissive in their private life?)

As another correspondent pointed out so brilliantly to me earlier today:

It’s pretty sad, when you think about it. A sub-culture that’s supposed to be about women actively wanting and desiring has been co-opted by the exact opposite - women who need to be wanted and desired. And that’s why it makes sense for them to lump all that perversion together under femdom (feminization, the age-play), because the point is to be the worshiped goddess, to grant man their fantasies in order to become the fantasy, and inflicting pain is just one flavor of that process.

Anyway, it’s no mystery to me why women who might actually be sexually aroused by a man collared and chained to a radiator are not so interested in this sub-culture. It’s driven by narcissism, not sex. And at the end of the day, I’d rather be fucked than worshiped.

Course, looking at it this way answers the perennial bothersome question of what the fuck is up with asshats who act like pros, strutting around like a mansub’s wet dream and being all anti-sex and all about being worshipped. (And then they get all ultra pissy when you mistake them for pros even though they are fucking indistinguishable from them.)

This is why I had to draft in a new word – asshat – to cover both am and prodoms who’s mission seems to be screwing all the sexiness out of femdom and doing most of that by referring to themselves by fucking ridiculous fucking names. Like Tsarina. I made that up – but I bet there is one.

More stuff I wrote about this

4. There are as many dominant women as there are submissive men
Everywhere you go you will hear about the idea that there are ten, twenty, even a hundred submissive men for every dominant woman. Course, this is rubbish. Why would this be the case? Whatever the cause of kink, be it social, genetic or magical those factors would create dominant women just as they created submissive men.

And although people like to posit all kinds of reasons for the femdom demographic issue – which is so blatantly responsible for the oh-so-typical-tragic mansub desperation and the whole prodom machine – there is nothing that is so clearly compelling as an answer to where all the dominant women are than the idea that, well, look around at this horrible, horrible world of femdom where the only power you are allowed to have over men is the power of being beautiful and men enjoy the submissive thrill of being totally unsexy.

Great. Nice.

No wonder so few dominant women are making it past the coat check.

More stuff I wrote about this

5. Everything – and I mean *everything* is broken.
Kinky sex has been now been ruined. It may even be beyond repair. People with genuine passionate incredible ideas about sex have no way of getting heard of the clamour of absolute asscrap. Some people like to blame the internet for this.

Well let me tell you something. The real life fetish scene – such as it exists in dreary market towns and throbbing metropolises is every bit as fucked up and woman-disappointing and over-crowded with horny clueless revolting men as the internet. A lot of people who love how real-life they are like to make out like the net is some kind of repository for people who are not big enough and brave enough to do real. And that *real* is better. And less full of idiots.

The reverse is true.

If the kinky internet is fucked, the kinky not-internet is worse. For example, when did you last encounter a website that enforced an oppressive I’ll-tell-you-what-your-kinks-are dress code? When did you last have to look at a mandoms straining barely-leather-trouser-contained package on a forum? When did anyone last sidle up to you on a blog and calmly tell you that you shouldn’t be embarrassed about having your arse stuck up in the air when you’re being flogged – lots of girls feel that way but they soon get to like it. (What? What made you think I wanted to be flogged? The thing where I stood here with a vagina?) And when, tell me when, did you last visit a BDSM website that employed a prodom as ‘house mistress’ to stand on the fucking door and intimidate you with an establishment-sanctioned man-pleasing version of what your sexuality was meant to be before you even stepped over the fucking threshold?

(Sometimes I say prodoms are the gatekeepers of femdom – meaning that they are the first thing anyone will see of this kind of sex be that online or in mainstream media. But in real life at a lot of kinky nightclubs they actually make that literally true. Do they have a ‘house’ mansub – ha ha, of course not! That might be, like, nice and welcoming for dominant women.)

Not that the internet isn’t fucked. It all is. Just don’t get me wrong thinking I only mean online because I never go out to these places anymore.

I don’t think things are so fucked because I don’t go out. I don’t go out because things are so fucked.

Not that this should be read as some kind of yay for kink on the internet. The internet is full of horrifying shit.

More stuff I wrote about this

6. Male submission is about heroic masculinity and male beauty.
(Fuck, though – forget that whingery: this is the most important point of all. If you’ve been skimming - just pay attention to this bit.)

Do some great fun sexy shit where he’s all kneeling and getting hurt and liking it and being ashamed and getting hard and having trouble carrying on looking you in the eye is about sex. It is sexy.

Don’t let the asshats who have wrung the sex out this stuff win. Don’t let them trick you that femdom is about as fun for women as a weight watchers meeting. Don’t let them tell you it’s about his tiny cock and him dressed in frillies and you actually having to go get someone else to fuck you because that is so much more humiliating for him and by the way he’s not worthy of your glorious cunt, Tsarina.

That’s not it. (And in fact, I have no idea what *that* actually is)

This is what it is

I’m a straight woman. Men and masculinity turn me on. Maleness. Male beauty. Men are so heart stoppingly beautiful. The shape of a young fit man’s body. When his abdomen is concave and hard and the ratio between his shoulders and his hips is almost preternatural. All men are beautiful. High foreheads. Big hands. From the shape of their arms to the fact that the greatest ever skin sensation play tool actually grows out of their fucking faces. Men are made for sex. (And I didn’t even mention cocks in drawing that conclusion. But, god, if you weren’t convinced. Cock. Cock is amazing. The greatest sex toy in the world.)

And nowhere is this male beauty expressed better than in male submission. Jack doesn’t like pain, doesn’t enjoy suffering at all. But he is hot and hard for being brave. Making noble almost futile sacrifices.

Bondage and force. Wanting to contain and constrain. To own. To force. To crush and possess. To venerate. To wallow in. To touch. This is about beauty. Male beauty. Savage beauty. Sexuality so virile and strong it needs to be held back, diluted with chains and cages to make it palatable – otherwise it would be so overwhelming it would be like looking at the sun.

It is everything there is and every part of the heart of me.

And it’s worth it. Even now.

More stuff I wrote about this

Conclusion
But of course, regular readers already know all this. This is old news for them. So a treat. A special. An all new revelation.

I forget who actually pointed this out to me – but it was probably Pan or Jack, all things considered. But here is the truth, something you ought to know: For all the talk that is talked about me and how I do the things I do and what you may have seen on TV, I actually do not own a single pair of pyjamas.

Read more here

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Filed under I is an genius, everything is broken, male submissive fan club