What’s So Fucking Funny?

Jump to Comments

Over on this post a few weeks ago I made a small mention of the fact that there is a little corner of my brain that really likes the idea of pony boys. I’ll probably never pursue this. Neither Jack not Pan are interested – although both have said they would saddle up if I wanted them to – and I don’t think I am interested *enough* to selfishly pursue.

But my biggest problem with pony boy fun isn’t lack of opportunity. It’s the fact that the language isn’t very accommodating for someone like me who doesn’t really flip for diminishing her man with words like boy (or slave or toy or pet. I have the same trouble with boyfriend. Or girl used for adults. I’m easily confused.)

Back then I suggested the cumbersome, but best-I-could-do replacement stallion men.

One of my much loved regular commenters said in response:

I liked the point you made so much I even forgive you for getting the phrase “Stallion Man” stuck in my head, sang by a choir like the intro to He Man cartoons, for an hour.
Let me tell you, He Man looks pretty f’ing hilarious in a bit harness and a pony tail jock strap in my head.

I’m not using that here to bitch this person out. I’m just using it as an example. An example of something I see so, so often sometimes I don’t even notice. What she is expressing is the generalised idea of a the reaction we ought to make to male submission. Laughter. And not just people in general – although people in general are meant to laugh at gimpy boys – women like me are meant to be laughing most of all. Women who are actually turned on by it.

Okay, maybe you think that’s a pretty ridiculous example. It has He Man in it and stuff. But, you know, I find the idea of He Man in any kind of bondage whatsoever pretty fucking incredibly hot. Actually. God.

Because much has I hate the empty-headed angry sneer, the unsmiling personality free void version of mainstream dominatrix I also hate the whole, hey, you know, I have a sense of humour, thing to. I’m warm and funny and real and this thing I do, oh, actually, I find it *hilarious*.

Sneering *and* guffawing. Sometimes it is like femdom embodies both ends of the stupid. Like uberfemininity with dumb corsets and heels (PS I love Hadley Freeman) and then sops of masculinity so the female power of supreme beauty isn’t tarnished by the weaknesses of having a cunt or any emotions. Or this other twin dumb and dumbers of miserable as sin and laughing sadistically being the only allowable states. Stupid dichotomies of lame as opposed to this being any kind of real woman who can look and behave like real women do. Constructed out of parts and ideas of femininity. It’s almost as if the way women behave in femdom was entirely designed by men or designed by women who wanted men to pay them for the way they were acting.

Funny that…

(Talking of dichotomies of lame, this weekend I saw a strap on cock with suspenders for stockings attached. God like the two things I need least combined in one utterly useless item so that I could easily completely avoid buying it. This item was for sale in a sex shop. A *sexy* shop not an adult licensed porn selling shop – a knickers and dildos shop. An inside and outside of cunt shop. I foamed a little when I saw it and then Jack distracted me with some of those nipple clamps that have a tightening screw and I need them to do my experiments.)

But back to laughing femdoms – here’s another example from some prodom site or other (I think she is peddling videos):

See slaves gaffer taped together and watch as I torment them with vibrating butt plugs, & cocks exposed, watch them being tormented knowing whoever cums first has to lick up their own spunk, followed by the other slave’s. Watch as I laugh & try to guess which slave I think will have to do all the cleaning up.

(Edited to add) A couple more examples from Men in Pain that I dug out for a commenter

Gwen has the bad boy doing chores while wearing her panties under his clothing. To further remind him of his status in the household, she unleashes a very hard whipping on him, humiliates him verbally, suspends and beats him and eventually uses his pathetic cock for her own pleasure. After she finally allows the panty boy to come inside her pussy, she squats on his face and squeezes the sticky goo out all over his mouth and face, laughing at him all the time.

Or

Mistress Penny Flame’s beauty is matched only by her brutality. ‘Say hello to my little friend’, she sneers as her paddle cuts the air and hammer’s kade’s ass through the cargo net. His begging and whining only fuel her ire as she orders him to fuck himself in a twisted forced exercise scene that leave the poor boy trembling, marked and terrified of her every move. The final humiliation occurs when he is ordered lick her ass and stroke his cock for her amusement while she laughs and jeers at his discomfort.

What the fuck is this? All this fucking laughing.

Why? Why the fuck is the dominant woman meant to be motivated by, not by desire but by light entertainment. (God damnit there are easier cheaper ways to distract yourself from boredom.)

Sure I *laugh*. I laugh with Pan while we are watching consumer whinge fest Watchdog (like this blog but with cowboy builders instead of prodoms) and it features both Federation of Master Builders *and* The Association of British Bankers.

And I laugh with Jack looking at hypnodommmes websites or when he starts pretending to be a lisping mandom. (His lisping mandom is now called Master Caesar. Or, you know, Mathter Thaethar. Who knows, perhaps Mathter Thaethar will turn me)

But when I’m in bed with Jack and I’m hitting him with stuff. Or when he’s inside me and begging me to let him come and I’m saying no, or when there’s any combination if hitting and begging and noing – I am not laughing.

Not then.

I don’t find it funny. It sets me on fire with the hot. When Jack screams I do not laugh. I am not amused.

I am raw with arousal. Thick in my throat with it. I might cry. But I don’t laugh. Or giggle. I really especially do not giggle.

I wrote about this a bit when I talked about small penis humiliation. Remember:

Just, look, the motivation for the top is not how fucking hilarious this is. What is the fucking point of that! If I want to have a laugh I’ll watch a fucking Eddie Izzard DVD. Is that really the best motivation you could think of? I mean you did realise that women can get turned on too, right? – sometimes I think every submissive man in the world was transported here by time machine from 1878. How about working with that when it comes to humiliation instead of this shit about how we should be laughing at your ridiculous worthless self.

And when I wrote about clothed female naked male I wrote this:

And because male nudity is scary powerfully symbolic of male sexual submission, of male vulnerability, of men losing sexual control – it needs to be viciously controlled. I live in a country where I am not allowed to look at a picture of a erect penis. Why? Because an image of a sexualised naked man might change the world forever?
Women enjoying male submission is a big scary concept. That is why we are told over and over that women looking at naked men is just something they find funny. Amusing. Because trying to make it comical is the first thing society does with something woah-scary.

‘Cause there’s a double layer to this. It exists inside and outside the kink. Submissive men are encouraging women to laugh at them and society is encouraging everyone to laugh at male submission.

And you have to admit that the whole male submission=laughter thing is pretty damn tiresome. Male submission has a big enough image problem as it is. How about we stop doing the very thing the mean cruel outside world does to keep male submission in it’s box of unsexy stupid – actually within the kink itself. Huh?

You know what the laughing is for (that same laughing that submissive men encourage dominant women to do because he looks so silly in his frillies/has such a tiny cock/is pathetic)? It is to defuse any sexiness we might be getting out of it. Like letting the air out of a balloon.

There is one use for this desexification. But it bothers me hugely. Every now I still find myself responding to pain once in a while with a sort of smiling croon. I think it’s mostly a learned response. All that is left from when I used to do the thing the way you do the thing. But I think that part of me thinks that it is more cruel to pretend it doesn’t turn me on. That I am hurting him for no reason. Barely even a distraction.

And things that deny the way it turns me on bother me. And it’s still not really enough to account for how much of this laughing there is. Because what bothers me most of all that things that hide the turn on, change the motivation, lie about how this makes me feel, are so fucking prevalent.

Laughing is, like, the universal response to a man in bondage, or, even more often (more often than universal, um…) a man in pain.

Look, I know, some people will insist on reading this as Bitchy Jones wants to ban laughter. Along with all fake penis and all non normative sexual intercourse. Yeah, okay, if it makes you feel better to think that. Think it. I’m the big bad. I want to ban everything

But maybe you could see it like this. Let’s think about gay men for a minute. Why not? A little guy on guy can be hot sometimes. Remember when the only gay men you ever saw in popular culture were flamers? When it was all Mr Humphries all the time?

Similarly my problem now is how every fucking femdom is cocky-corsetted laughing sadist.

Cocky/corseted/laughing sadist femdoms complain I ignore them and claim they don’t exist. Maybe what it’s really about is claiming that most women – the majority of women who are into men crawling – aren’t like this. Are kind of like ordinary women. Like the majority of gay men are like ordinary men – not frothy concoctions. Isn’t that what liberating this sexuality – *any* sexuality – has to be about? Telling everyone and telling those women who are closeted self-disgusted what-I-am-is-this-gross-thing proto-femdoms that women who are dominant are just like normal women. Well yeah, some of them might be wearing corsets and some of them might not like getting fucked so much – just like some gay men *are* flaming – but most of them, like most women in general, just aren’t.

(Really though if you are a cocky/corseted/laughing sadist femdom, if that is what you are into, for serious, then goddamn I don’t know what you are doing here – don’t you know the entire internet is made of porn that is just *perfect* for you. Just dinky.)

Also, please note that I am funny when not doing sex. God, am I ever. I can be way funnier than the smallest penis in the world or the most pained squeal you can make. I’m a fucking funny femdom. As funny as a whole clown car full of clowns. And you know they can get a lot of clowns in those clown cars.

Also, also, not that I’ve entirely given up on the stallion idea. But really, I think I might prefer a unicorn. Can you guess why? (God, that might be the most depraved thing I’ve ever written on this blog.)

31 Comments

Filed under Jack, Mathter Thaethar, dominatrix, everything is broken, fake dominatrixes, horrible scary femdoms, humiliation, pan, sadism, small penis humilation