Here is an idea. Maybe the reason the laughing and jeering is so unappealing in the Femdom porn, is because it is bad acting. Like it says “laugh” in the script and the actresses don’t understand the emotion behind the laughter and get it wrong. Imagine if someone who had no idea what an orgasm was like was told to act like she was having an orgasm and scream, and she screamed like someone was pulling off her nose. It would seem wrong when you watched it.

I come as much from a ball-busting background as a femdom one and a lot of the guys into bb want a woman to kick them in the balls and then laugh at them rolling around on the ground in pain. And clearly, the reason they want this is so that they’ll feel humiliated. The laughter is a further humiliation heaped upon the humiliation of being kicked in the balls. They aren’t trying to desexualize femdoms because most of them don’t really even want femdoms, per se. Most of them want women who are mean and sadistic, but they’re mostly just masochistic, not submissive. They don’t want to take orders and find black leather dominatrixes a turn off. But they still want to be laughed at. It’s because being laughed at is humiliating and they want to be humiliated.

I, on the other hand, am not the slightest bit into humiliation and would probably get pissed if the wife started laughing at me and probably lose interest in being played with.

I laugh during sex because it can be heady and wonderful and overwhelming, and it comes out as disbelieving chortleballs that don’t sound AT ALL like jeering at this person I’m supposed to be intimate with.

I’m laughing because they’re giving me something wonderful, endorphins are rushing through me, and I’m giddy, just completely out of my head. Not because they’re so low as to make me just slap my knee and giggle at their ridiculousness- what kind of ‘goddess’ would waste her (excuse me, Her) time on someone she can’t even keep a straight face around?

Operative word of my rant there being ‘intimate’. Is commercial/”mainstream” femdom about taking intimacy out of being with someone?

Hooligans.

Don’t let them get you down, BJ. You have your companions, a very strong opinion, and the mental capacities in which to convey those very strong opinions.

Everything those trollops don’t have, in other words. lolololetc

Immediate reaction: Oh ick. No, I don’t get that stuff. No sneering, for sure. More “Whee! This is fun!”. Or an exhilarating drunk-with-power feeling. But, um, I *really like* the guys I do stuff with. I adore that they let me. I don’t feel like deriding them for it.

Although, actually, I think I do chuckle. (Checking with husband – yes, I apparently do. Deviously.) I also get the Mad Scientist feeling, which is a little more detached then some of the sheer abdomen-clenching predatory glee I mentioned before.

But I don’t really get the jeering humiliation thing. Although I imagine some people really do get off on that — I see it often enough in mandom porn too.

I quite like ‘lover’, but it’s just too sexual for everyday use. ‘I’ll ask my lover to babysit your kids while we go out’, ‘You’re welcome to bring your lover to the meeting’, ‘My 12 year old niece/75 year old aunt will be bringing her lover’, ‘Meet my dad and his lover’, ‘I hear the vicar has a new lover’, etc.

And I also recognise the whole ‘I smile because it’s exiting’-thing. I’m enjoying myself. It’s that predatory smile… like, how a cat would smile once she caught a mouse and played with it before she’d eat it.

But -oh, embarrasing!- I also have this ‘mad scientist ready to take over the world’-laughterthing going on. You know, when I’m really on top of my game, and all those reactions from him and my exitement and concentration and… well, everything… makes me feel like I’m on top of the world and I start laughing… Can’t help it really. But then again, seeing how his eyes go wide in terror isn’t exactly a motivation to stop either…

Hmm… seems that my English regarding sm needs some more practise… I hope you get my point…

Remember when the only gay men you ever saw in popular culture were flamers? When it was all Mr Humphries all the time?

That Hari thing. “There are two types of Acceptable Gay Man: you can be a sexless sissy who is fairly happy with his female friends and waspish one-liners, or you can be masculine and actually have a sex drive – in which case you will die.” Clearly femdoms have got halfway there?

as for relationship words, I say ‘my person’, at least if I hope whoever I’m talking to will get it.

Yeaaaaaah, lame-o I know, but you never know. They might go for it.

Also, it’s weird how the older I get the more odd saying boyfriend feels. I’d like to second, ‘My man’ or even, ‘The man I am currently seeing/dating,’ for more “proper” introductions.