So, yes, where was I?
Well, a while ago I wrote about the irritating banners for the bondage awards and how they were so totally and shittily women-wearing-ball-gags-is-completely-all-of-what-bondage-is-hurrah!. Obviously, fuck that shit. And I mentioned that when they had a voting page last year the sexism went from yeah, but: sexist, to oh my christ what are you guys on? Some form of injectable misogyny?
Well, the page is back up – as voting is open – and guess what, it totally sucks in the exact same way. Great. (By which I mean, of course, not great in any way.)
But, weirdly, the management of the bondage awards has put up a post explaining that some people have been emailing them to point out that they are sexistly assuming that bondage images can only be of tied up women. (And also a lot of weird other sexist confusa-shit ideas about how sexy images are created and consumed by men and women’s only role is to be in them. Basically if you are a woman and you want to be part of sexual culture in any way, being wanked over is the only possible option. If you don’t want to be on your back at the bukkake party, you might as well have your vagina sewn shut right now. )
Well, before I jump up and down and froth too much (like I ever..) let’s see what the awards people have to say: they point out patiently, that right-minded, sane complaints are all very well, but really, they – the awards – are not actually sexist because they never meant to be sexist.
Yes, it’s unfortunate that in the page inviting nominations women are pictured tied up, being drawn tied up and, um, surfing the net wearing a ball gag. (WHAT? People do that? Or is it just a way of making a woman who is looking at porn still a looked at bondage-sexay thing – because, god, women can’t just look at porn without also putting on some kind of sexy pantomime for anyone looking on (who? who surfs porn for an audience)). Really, though, really, I have never seen anything so stubbornly insist that women have to be the sexual display object even when they are consuming porn. And what is she even looking at. Sites featuring sneering mandoms? Do they exist? I’m guessing no. Meanwhile the guys (who are – irrelevant aside – hot) get to be riggers (ahem), photographers, artists, retailers, owners of fetish companies, consumers of pay-for porn (yeah women only surf free sites – wearing ball gags – so no one ever make any porn for them. There’s no money in it.) In other words, the men get to be sexual agents.
But, yeah, just unfortunate. Because, the most fabulous and rigorous argument against sexist arsehattery (or other retrograde arsehattery) is wheeled out here: it is just this way because it is, okay! It just turned out this way. In fact, all representation of anything ever that seems to endorse only the majority viewpoint and tastes is just a fucking coincidence, okay, and stop whining or, you know, pointing it out.
Apparently, the guy who runs the awards just took a bunch of his favourite pictures off of his hardest drive and sent them to an artist who drew the pics. And that is just what happened, okay, so shut up. No one is trying to be sexist. Calm down, dear.
Oh, hell. Well, yes. And you know, I think that is so true for so much of the imagery around kink that is just tied up women forever. Not everyone (even the mandoms on top) are sitting around in some fucking mandom fucking batcave somewhere twirling their mustaches and thinking, bwahahaha – I will never allow women to see pictures of men tied up because they might like it and I never want women to have any fun because I HATE THEM. Grrr.
But, if you are part of a sexual minority, if you are putting together some form of awards you need to make some kind of effort to be inclusive.
I know pictures of men tied up are slightly harder to come by than pictures of women tied up. This is a sad, sad situation, but maybe, just maybe, slightly more inclusion might be possible if you looked a bit further than your own fucking hard drive.
Kinky sex suffers hugely in the mainstream from the idea that it is just for wanky men frothing over pictures of nasty things happening to women. The idea that kink is something that is actually enjoyable and even passionately desired by women is often seen as incredulous. And why? Don’t even dream of blaming closed-minded officialdom. The vanilla world think that about us because kinky people who create kinky culture make it look like that.
So I look forward to next year’s bondage awards including so utterly lamecore images of dominasties and having to call that progress.
Oh and talking of stupid lazy try-softer sexism, I wrote a post a few days ago about the film Lesbian Vampire Killers. If you think I should shut up and not be mean about poor widdle comedy film, read this article about lesbian women in Africa being raped and killed and change your mind because jesus fuck – this shit is real.
Suddenly James Corden’s comedy fat-face seems rather less fucking funny.
26 Comments
March 15, 2009 at 5:40 am
Maybe it won’t be until Lesbian Vampire Killers 2: Shaftin’ Africa (Based on a true story!) that people realise there may just be a subtle connection between depictions of violent homophobia and acts of violent homophobia.
Also, on Horne and Corden, can I just say that I fucking hate that ad for their show where they take off Ghost. Where the whole gag seems to be “Ha ha, it’s like a romantic film, except we’re both men and he’s really fat! Ha ha!” Fucking eejits.
March 15, 2009 at 5:43 am
Oh, and one more thing on that film. I found this gem amongst my facebook ads: “Get closer to the Lesbian Vampires, upload a photo and grab your own lapdance widget now!”
Lapdance widget? WTF!?
March 15, 2009 at 6:34 am
I voted for a male model. Delano of delanobound.com
March 15, 2009 at 6:57 am
Sorry, don’t know how else to send you this. Also, couldn’t find a search window to see if you’ve already addressed this. Found this on Gloria Brame’s blog.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,505504,00.html
March 15, 2009 at 11:52 am
thank you for being so eloquent about these things, when i try it just comes out as screams and yelps and sighs.
March 15, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Thank you. Seriously, just thank you.
March 15, 2009 at 7:18 pm
You know, Jones it is so sad about the rape and murder of that woman, but the truth is that it is the nature of Africa. I have spent quite a lot of time in sub-Saharan Africa on the west coast and can tell you that that story wouldn’t even make the papers in Lagos or Douala. If you want to know how bad things can be, then go to places like that. I have questioned the whole S&M thing many times in your blog and wonder how you reconcile your own fantasies of torture with the genuine torture that happens in the real world. As I have said before, I have been tortured in South East Asia and in West Africa but I have also had my knuckles smashed in South East London over a gambling debt. It seems a little trite that you would use a story of everyday rape and murder in South Africa, (according to statistics it really is an every day case), to justify your dislike of a comedy movie and yet still justify your right to your own sexuality on the grounds of what? That you like to hurt men and some men enjoy that. I am in no position to judge your sexual preferences so feel free to ignore me but it seems somewhat strange to me that you would link a hate crime and murder against lesbians with, (what I am sure) a dim-witted movie, while failing to see your own enjoyment of suffering with the wider world of abuse out there.
March 15, 2009 at 9:39 pm
ever heard of a thing called consent Toni?
March 15, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Sure I have heard of consent – but you know when I had my jaw broke on Apapa quay by the rifle of a Nigerian soldiar, maybe he forgot my safe word or whatever the fuck you S&M kiddies have and when I was in Laos getting my feet thrashed with 10 foot bamboo, they also seemed a little unclear about the rules of consent.
All I am sugesting is that you guys can go and play your little sex games but don’t suddenly get annoyed about someone making a movie about a lame subject and justify it with tragic stories in the real world.
March 16, 2009 at 2:41 am
i really don’t think you get the point.
March 16, 2009 at 4:19 am
Wow. Just… wow.
Would it have been so hard to say, “Oops… yeah, I dropped the ball on this one?”
March 16, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Hmmm. I emailed the Bondage Awards apropos that subject. To be fair to them, I did get an email back after a couple of hours saying “er, yeah, we agree that it does look a bit sexist”.
I’m pretty disappointed that they haven’t actually *done* anything about it, after all, once you’ve basically acknowledged that something is sexist, whether or not you intended it to be so, then surely you are kind of duty bound to fix it? It’s a bit like saying “oh, yes, well because we didn’t mean to be racist, we don’t need to stop now that we know we are!”
And it can’t be that hard to just pop some images of cute tied-up boys on the internet, can it?
March 17, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I think there is a need to look again at what Toni is saying. Bitchy, if you’re arguing that a comedy film is indirectly responsible for furthering the world’s violence against lesbians, then it’s legitimate to argue that the flotillas of BDSM photos and pornos in the world are indirectly furthering torture.
The fact that the models consented to be in the images is meaningless. The actresses playing the doomed lesbian vampires consented to be in “Lesbian Vampire Killers.”
So if watching a movie where staking lesbian vampires will make people more likely to approve of or even commit violence against lesbians, then looking at BDSM porn where people are tied in strict bondage, often in scenarios meant to suggest kidnapping, will make people more likely to approve of or commit torture.
For you to dismiss Toni as “not getting it” seems hasty to me. If a comedy fantasy movie indirectly contributes to real violence, how *don’t* pictures of fantasy BDSM play do the same thing?
If you start banning one kind of depicted fantasy, you are going to have to ban them all. A world without “Lesbian Vampire Killers” is also going to be a world without capturedguys.com and kink.com.
March 17, 2009 at 5:21 pm
In other words, in case it wasn’t clear–I respectfully disagree with your premise regarding “LVK.” And I don’t think you can have it both ways–saying that “LVK” is harmful but BDSM imagery isn’t. Either both are, or neither are. Personally, I fall into the “neither are” camp; humans have managed to be outrageously violent long before we invented mass media.
March 17, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I don’t think it should be banned. I just think violence against women and gay bashing isn’t so very hilarious.
March 17, 2009 at 6:04 pm
“I don’t think it should be banned. I just think violence against women and gay bashing isn’t so very hilarious.”
It’s not. But Toni is also saying that he doesn’t think violence against men is sexy. So what is the difference? If it’s sexy it’s ok, if it’s funny it isn’t?
March 17, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Isn’t there a significant difference between a mainstream movie widely publicised on tv, billboards etc – and bondage/bdsm porn which has to be sought out?
One normalises (horrid non-word but best for the job, sadly) prejudices and props up stereotypes in everyday society, while the latter tends to be a “shameful” secret.
March 18, 2009 at 12:41 am
God, there’s such an astonishingly large difference between mainstream portrayals of casual homophobia and alt-culture portrayals of sexuality (which, as Bitchy is often wont to point out, are often completely broken) that it really isn’t funny to even think about comparing the two.
March 18, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I notice that Artists are referred to as “Comic Artists”-so presumably Hockney, Renoir and Leonardo da Vinci need not be chosen. Why not just “Artists”?
It does seem to me that that art, illustration, whatever is only ever seen in the form of “toons” to some people -anyone drawing in any other style apart from cartoons probably wouldn’t even want to be nominated given that distinction.
March 18, 2009 at 12:19 pm
“I don’t think it should be banned. I just think violence against women and gay bashing isn’t so very hilarious.”
So if it was horror film without jokes, it would be okay?
I do agree that homophobic humour and kinky porn are very different, but kinky folks have been trying to persuade people for years that looking at pictures of torture doesn’t make you a violent person. It’s a bit rich for Bitchy to claim that looking at kinky porn doesn’t make you a rapist/abuser but then to say “I’m right to complain about that film – look, lesbians get killed for real in SA!” It’s a bit like responding to femsub porn with domestic violence stats.
For what it’s worth, I do think there is a link between the way the media portrays gay people and the violence they suffer, but I balk at such over-simplification of the problem.
March 18, 2009 at 6:48 pm
I don’t think Bitchy was saying that LVK should be stopped because it causes violence against lesbians. I think she’s saying that it trivializes violence that is extremely real RIGHT NOW. And it’s the portrayal of that violence as being comedic and fulfilling so many fucked-up stereotypes that is an issue.
Some of kink pornography Does It Right and shows clear, enthusiastic consent within the pornography (the others I have similar gripes with). That portrayal is not something you will see in LVK, where, you know, the vampires are not all about “PLEASE KILL ME BECAUSE IT FEELS SO GOOD”.
March 19, 2009 at 3:20 am
Did I miss the part where Bitchy and “me” are the same poster? There seems to be some accreditation of “me’s” posts to her. Is there some bizarre wordpress quirk that causes her posts to be identified two different ways or are am I mad?
I think the point of drawing the line between LVK and the South Africa rapes (not at all rare, despite just now coming out in global media) is this: The film perpetuates idea that all queer ladies need is a good cock in them to “straighten them out.” Note the cock-sword being the weapon of +10 effectiveness against the vamps of the isle of Lesbos. Meanwhile, the same idea is being actually enacted…and it’s pretty damn obvious that the real life instance is fucked up.
Putting the two side by side causes the seriousness to undermine the humor, just as without a check, the humor undermines the seriousness. With the comparison at least there’s an invitation to re-evaluate the humor.
With BDSM porn/lifestyle, the check to the fantasy is more immediate. Bitchy’s written about the dissonance of loving the idea of torture, but hating the reality. You’ll note she also had a very civil conversation w/ Toni on same.
Really, some of the most interesting things happen in the comments section…
March 19, 2009 at 5:34 pm
oh, i wish i was bitchy!
March 19, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I say lets get about a hundred consenting males together, tie ‘em all up, take thousands of pictures which we will rapidly post all over the internet, and the problem’s solved. At least one of them.
March 21, 2009 at 6:27 am
So Much Anger. All I can think is, “This! This is why it’s so fucking hard to have a conversation with non-kinky feminists about BDSM! It’s because people like you can’t tell the difference between kink and sexism, and think that shit like this is totally okay!”
When will people learn that what they, personally, think is hot is not what *everybody* thinks is hot? Or that when making a claim like “the best of the industry,” they might actually have to think about segments of “the industry” they’re not personally into? (What? There are people making porn that’s not heterosexual?)
March 31, 2009 at 3:18 am
It seems like lots of people in kink are happy to talk about how anti-porn and anti-kink feminists are nothing but trouble, how they are betraying their sisters. Yet it is difficult to discuss what positive ideas feminists bring to the table, which in fact are far more numerous than the unresolved debates by many fold.
While objectification can be *hot* in certain contexts, I do find the continuous objectification of women that people seem to associate with BDSM to be pretty fucked up.
I was in the store the other day looking the Better Built Bondage Book, which is a huge thing detailing how to craft many quality toys. But look at the cover. Is is mainly a picture of a naked blonde woman. I guess she is wearing cuffs that you can kind of see, the instructions are probably in the book. But geeze it’s not a book about how to make blondes. She is not even in bondage ffs.
Anyway thanks for being bold.