I don’t like to seem ungrateful. No, no, I really don’t. And of course I love to be included in lists. Especially list of top 100 things.
But I really cannot understand why I am officially one of the top 100 LGBT blogs.
I mean, I can understand how maybe, maybe, the fact that I have some kind of ALT sexuality makes me sort of queer. (Although probably a lot less queer than it might appear.) But that list’s acronym has no Q! It is L G B T. Which of those letters apply to me?
I love cock – but I don’t have one. I love my cunt – but no one else’s.
This still hasn’t dropped off the front page FFS
Plus the fact that most dominatrix bloggers actually make some big point of their biseckshooality. And I’m the only one that don’t. And I understand that if you wanted to include a woman who gets off on manpain in your list you’d want me because of the whole asshat situation, but I am, I am sure, the least LGBT one. (Which is a fact not a boast – I’m not trying to dazzle you with my hetness. Someone has to be the least gay one, and that somebody is me.)
I’m not complaining. I’m just confused. And I don’t normally get confused about sexuality.
17 Comments
June 23, 2009 at 10:26 am
I had a look and Todger Talk is on there too – which does not appear to have any major LGBT issues discussed and isn’t about BDSM either, so it’s not that (it is good though). I think they are going for the “best blogs some of which are vaguely sex-related which are read and enjoyed by LGBT people and such”. But although you are heterosexual, you are not heterosexist. And you make people think about sexuality in whatever way that is.
Perhaps it’s one of those cool=gay; gay=cool things?
Either way I think it’s good – more people reading your blog is a good thing; I read through all of it (from the beginning) when I first came across it and realised I could like hurting men and it would be hot and I hadn’t read anything like it before, everything I had read was about the high-heeled boots and the not getting any sex, and I think what I am saying is it was a relevation, and important for that.
June 23, 2009 at 11:03 am
Sort of sad and confusing though that gay becomes a synonym for stuff about sex that isn’t crap
June 23, 2009 at 12:44 pm
As one of the people responsible for compiling the list on the LGF website, I just wanted to clarify that the blogs were not necessarily by LGBT people, but may have covered topics of interest to LGBTs.
I fully accept that this explanation could also cover other, non-sex-related websites, but we did try to include as diverse a range as possible to try to reflect the wide-ranging interests and attitudes of our audience.
I also take on board your dismay at the idea of “gay” becoming a synonym for stuff about sex which isn’t crap, but that’s just not the case in this instance.
Some of these blogs included were recommended by readers of the LGF website, others were recommended on blogrolls of other great websites whose opinions we trust. The fact is your blog is funny, insightful and entertaining, and we stand by our assertion that it would be of interest to many of the LGF website’s readers and therefore its place on the list.
It’s clear from your posts where you stand on the issue of sexuality and sexual orientation, and our readers (like yours) are sophisticated and intelligent individuals who are capable of seeing this for themselves and make up their own minds about your blog.
It was never my intention to slander anyone by suggesting someone may be LGBT when they’re not, or to offend by not including the right acronym for your particular sexuality. The article was intended to highlight some of the best blogs out there for LGBTs and to help widen people’s reading lists, and I sincerely apologise for any offence caused.
I am happy to remove your entry from the list, as previously offered on Twitter in response to your initial comments. You’re also free to comment on the article itself, and someone has already pointed this out to us at the end of the article.
June 23, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Oh, thank god you are here. I was trying to reply to you on Twitter and nearly gave myself a brain aneurism trying to make it 140 characters.
I hope you don’t remove me, because I love being in any list of things that are good. I’d get a little happy if I was on a is of best pieces of 19thC furniture
I suppose the reason it is weird is that I fight against a world that assumes I must be gay or bi. A lot of kinky women who are straight get the same thing and that tired, lazy old, KatyPerry-esque, all women are bi, really stuff gets used to excuse ignoring the sexuality of straight women. (Although gay and bisexual men are ignored even more by the mainstream kinky community.)
So even though I know you are being v. flattering and I know your readers will obviously be able to work me out it is a bit weird and complicated for me to be on this list. And it’s hard not to sound all, hey, I’m straight, don’t forget my privilege badge, but I actually come from a place where things are more complicated than that and where being straight and a woman is actually more of a queer identity than being bi and a woman.
And there is a whole horrible straight-man-pleasing fantasy of the lesbian man-hating dominatrix that I’d rather stay away from.
Also, though, thanks for including me on the list.
June 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Mightn’t the “B” not also stand for “Bitchy?”
June 23, 2009 at 1:08 pm
No! Because the B in LGBT does not stand for that. As you well know. You can;t just start swapping around what the letters stand for in well known acronyms. Especially not here! On the internet! The sacred home of acronyms. Why don’t we just say that the M in OMG stands for mainpain? Or that the F in ROTFLMAO stands for furniture? No. The whole acronym system is built on trust. TRUST! Trust that we don’t just start changing what the letters mean, on our heads, when we know full well what they do really mean, and ruin everything
June 23, 2009 at 8:39 pm
It seems like your blog may appeal to those who are in the LGBT community since you do write about your own opinions on sex and sexuality which I’ve seen many also hold. My sister introduced me to your blog particularly after I was ranting about how I was irritated with some projects I was working and still am doing. Like the notion that also any creative person MUST be bisexual, because how else could you write or draw? Or how repetitive I found working on adult websites to be. My sister is bisexual. I’m heterosexual. We both read most frequently and agree on a fair amount of points you’ve made. I really want to thank you for putting your voice out there. I’m still a little nervous myself about the way I get mine out there despite the fact I’m as anonymous as I am under this alias.
June 23, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Oh goodness, would you ever get over yourself. Here you’ve gone and been rude to these folks, and they’ve answered you perfectly nicely. And instead of apologizing for teh rude, you’re effectively saying, “well, it’s okay I took the piss out of the nice award you gave me because someone MIGHT think I’m bi, and I’m not, and that’s what I really wanted to talk about anyway.”
Bi the way? There are TONS of female doms who aren’t bisexual. I guess you don’t read other blogs or something? Hm.
http://domme-chronicles.blogspot.com/
http://devastatingyet.wordpress.com/
http://alternativejourney.blogspot.com/
and arguably
http://www.sugarbutch.net/
June 24, 2009 at 2:58 am
Although you’ve gotten a well thought out response from one of those whose CHOSE for the list, I would also say that we are all part of ALT-sex: swingers, BDSMers, LGBT. While we don’t do the same things in the bedroom, we are all seen as “other,” not “normal,” not vanilla. We are all a part of, and support the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.
So, no while you aren’t a practicing member of the LGBT community specifically, you are a part of the larger ALT Sex WORLD!
June 24, 2009 at 3:46 am
ahhh, I think its cool
I met my madcap best mate at GLBT (we put the letters that way here…) ball and we’re both straight – had a whale of a time there.
You’re on another list, let’s celebrate – I know a good way – write another blog! I swear I’m addicted. Thank god you’ve got so many back ‘issues’ I still have to get through.
June 24, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Well atleast you made a list so that’s good.
http://queersunited.blogspot.com
June 25, 2009 at 4:29 am
interesting bitchy.
I’m queer and I still think you’re fabulous.
June 25, 2009 at 7:13 pm
It’s funny, even though you mostly write about kinky sex with men and I am mostly interested in kinky sex with other women, I generally think your anti-sexist take on kink is the most interesting and applicable to my particular sex life. Because really there is nothing sadder than two women having sexist sex with each other.
June 27, 2009 at 10:07 am
I’m bi, but I love your blog because you’re frank about sex. I think you could easily be popular with us LGBT lot because you think what you mean and you mean what you say, you don’t discriminate against us and you’re pretty political. Even if your politics are primarily sex.
Keep blogging. We all love it
June 30, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Well, I count you as a lesbian ally (even if you may not quite think of yourself like that) because you’re the only woman I know of writing about BDSM who is clear that the pictures of nekkid women ALL OVER bdsm websites may be labelled “lesbian” but are actually all about catering to the straight men. If only all dominant women were like you perhaps lesbians wouldn’t have so much effin’ trouble online with straight men who think “Lesbian” is a codeword for “Woman who will do kinky stuff to entertain me and turn me on”.
Happy to have you on the best of LGBT blog list, is what I mean to say. As someone said above: you exemplify “heterosexual but not heterosexist”.
July 8, 2009 at 7:33 pm
“heterosexual but not heterosexist”
Oh please. The ongoing “wahhhh poor marginalized straight girls” thing isn’t exactly great allegience to queer women. Or queer anyone. If you think there’s this real ongoing material pressure to be bisexual, try getting out of the echo chamber and coming out as one.
September 19, 2009 at 12:09 am
I’m gay, I’m kinky and I follow your blog because you GET it.
Really. BDSM is a major thing for me – I love reading about it, I love thinking about it and I love thoughtful posts about it.
And there’s a lot of drek out there.
So when you find a kinky blog that hits a lot of my own kink buttons (not all, but lots
) anmd talks sensibly and interestingly about my kink buttons then I want to read 
.
Or, to put it less rambly, you write a lot of good stuff about sex, BDSM and the lovely kink that’s good to read whether you’re gay or straight