Hey, so, I have a question. And this is what it is:
How come submissive men aren’t the best looking bunch of fucking men in the fucking universe?
And I don’t just mean how come this isn’t true for my pathetic cheap frills in my otherwise pretty pointless window of wakey-wakey-consciousness.
And look, what I am talking about here is not submissive men being pulled from an above-average gene pool – I am talking about them taking care of themselves for the hottery. What I mean is why don’t submissive men dedicate themselves to looking hot? Like, a lot. What could be more submissive than that?
(And, don’t tell, but if you are really into humiliating feminisation, the tyranny of looking sexiliciously buffgasmic 24/7 is far more like what the submissive state of womenhood actually is than walking around knock-kneed in shoes you got off the internet, you woman-hating fucking twatburger.)
Look, just look! How come Club Pedestal or even one of those god-frighteningly awful looking footnight things (hmm, is femdom built on a fear and hatred of women, well I wonder… click for answers) aren’t full of the buffest most worked-on men available anywhere. How come the men on Men in Pain aren’t all modelicious lickables?
How come women aren’t queueing up for dominatrixing lessons? (Well they kind of are, vaguely, in palaces to offensively narrow definitions of female sexuality like Coco de Mer, to get their gas bill paid or project some kind of exotic sexuality on to their weary clit-worn selves.) But how come women aren’t all over this sexuality because the men are so fucorsomely hot, because their actual fucking kink – the thing that makes them hard and makes them wet – is to pay attention to what women want and deliver it to the best of their sweaty head-shaven muscle-toned genetic ability?
Wouldn’t that make the most sense? Every submissive man a strawberries and creamy dreamboat? More sense than the current eye-bleed inducing situation, no?
Hey you guys, female pleasure is your supposed thing, right? You’re all about it. All you want, you tell me, is to be a plaything for a superior mistress, a creature of delight for a harsh hatchett-faced horridious harridan. To put all your own wants and needs aside and exist purely for her pleasure.
Alrighty then.
So then how come so often you will see words like this – expressed, here, on the internet but that is not the only spot – in a written profile consisting of one sentence to that effect (why write more, when all you exist for is her pleasure, what else matters, right? You’re just fodder for her lust-canon; she ain’t going to want to be weighed down by the specifics of boring old you – little details like height and favourite colour and perso-fucking-nality), but, yuh, in this passionate urge to express nothing at all one thing will be expressed All I want is to please and serve and suffer and what the fuck ever and then, if there is a pic (mostly there isn’t a pic, but…) the pic will be, like, oh god here is me in a cheap pointless wig and a cheap pointy rubber bra – what a dumb slut, I am?
Er, whut? In what universe to these two things match? I just want to do whatever you want. I have preempted your desires by doing something to myself that no fucker in the known universe would ever require done. Seriously, you imagined that the first conversation with the woman of your dreams would go like this.
You: So I just want to do what ever you want and be your slave
Princess Amazing: Oh great, so could you dress up in ill-fitting man-made-fibred lingerie and stick a carrot up your arse
You: Baby, I am already two steps ahead! (Shows photograph)
Princess Amazing: Actually I was joking. And I am now crying so hard I can’t actually see the photo – so at least there is some benevolence in this cruelty zoo that is my sexuality. (Possibly you did not imagine this last bit – but there is no other possible ending.)
I present for your consideration, femdom, my hapless traveling companions: How did it all go so wrong?
But, look, right, let’s workshop. And by workshop I mean I’ll keep hitting these keys until feel less-sectionablely-hysterical and then we can all get on with our lives. What the fuck is an out of shape submissive man all about? How does that even make sense? If you really truly are all and only about my pleasure, how come you’re not all working out round the clock and living on egg whites just to see me smile?
How come you’re not all (or an above national average proportion of you) totally buff and groomed and lust scented like gay men?
How come submissive men aren’t all about well cut jeans and tight t shirts over their lickable torsos and expensively cut knicker-dampening suits and butchy boots and dirty looks. Yeah, not all women like the same thing, but their are vague ideas, there are archetypes women find hot and until you can buy a Hot Sissy Maid 2010 calendar in my supermarket I’m betting the look most submissive men are going for isn’t one of them.
I mean, why? Why are you doing something that no women want or like? Isn’t that, like, the opposite of your entire thing?
I mean sure, *you* might like the feel of silky fabrics on your skin or the restrictiveness of high heels or, god, those hideous zentai things – but this isn’t about you. How you feel, well that’s for you. How you look is for me. Oh and you might like filling your skin with curry and beer but don’t you get off on denying yourself just to please some goddess or other?
Well look, I’m not a goddess, but I have a vagina and that’s the same difference with you lot, isn’t it? If you want to please me, please my eyeballs.
If you’re a female supremacist – well one, you’re a fucking arsehole because deifying a culturally disempowered group is just as damaging as demonising them – but, hey, I’m not going to change your mind, because you are an idiot. But look, if you really do think you are inferior to all women, if you really do think that it is your role to enhance the lives of all women everywhere, why not take a tip from me. Here’s a way you can do that without having to dial down the ultra creepiness ten thousand notches so a woman who isn’t charging fee for being in the same room as you can speak to you without vomiting her own human dignity out of her eyeballs. Look hot. Work out and eat right and get an expensive haircut.
It. Is. So. Obvious.
Course I suppose it might be that the reason submissive men are not all toned, honed wonderlust-objects is because their sexuality is not really about satisfying female desire – whatever rocky course it sets them on – but about fulfilling some arbitrary crass and oh-so-often offensive set of dumb desires of their own. But that can’t be true, can it?
Look, I know you’re going to accuse me of all sorts. Of being shallow. Of buying into lamecore body-fascistic ideas. And I’d answer those points myself but I pretty much agree with (and was, in all honesty, partly inspired by) this essay on 1585 dot com. It’s not about kink, but the point he’s making applies so strongly to submissive men. And the overall point about how men feel they can’t be hot because it doesn’t work with some other image they have going, applies to submissive men as much as anyone. I can’t be buff ‘cause I’m a gimpyboy and who’d ever heard of a buff gimpyboy? Hey, honey, start a trend – and I’ll start saving up for a dungeon.
(Sort of disclaimer or warning or endorsement: I’ve been a fan of 1585 for a couple of years. I think they are genuinely very sharp and clever and do good atheism, which makes me wet and happy, but I’ve held off properly linking to them before because they seem so hung up on those ideas about female sexuality being all about being desired and male sexuality being not that. And those ideas piss me off mightily. And they have a bit of lame feminism-panic going on, which is a worry. Also they seem to think pics of the hot female author are far more important than pics of the hot male author. Clue: not they are not. And, for serious, couldn’t you just write a gender studies essay on the pics on the home page he = sexy in a private space, she = sexy in a pubic space. Oh, yes and WTF? Fugly shoes? Fugly shoes as tessellated wallpaper? Serious? Are you trying to turn me Christian? Because if it’s believing in supernatural oppressive dipshittery or looking at that graphic I’m kind of torn…
But if I haven’t completely put you off…, yeah this essay swung it. It was close (because OMG those shoes) but when I saw the illustration explaining that men should just make themselves into a cross between Wolverine and Shakespeare (just do this, dumbass), forget it. My link was so linking. And really, if you have ever read this blog thinking, OMMFG, how can I get Bitchy Jones to have sex with me, there is your answer right there. I would sell my house and charter a plane, motherfucker.)
*I’m kind of vaguely unhappy about using the word ‘boy’ when talking about submissive men. Just mainly ’cause my pref is all butchy and shit. And, hell, I am much more unhappy about the use of the word ‘girl’ to mean an adult woman. But I’m not going into that now because, really, if you don’t get that you’re just an idiot.
57 Comments
July 4, 2009 at 9:18 am
Damn right! It was the dream of hot male bodies that led me here but the reality seems surprisingly absent and packed with maids wearing carrots.
July 4, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Hey Beej – I work out four days a week, and eat (and cook!) right all the time. But about the haircut? I’d really hate to leave the stylist with the huge boobs who leans way over me when trimming.
BTW, one of your best posts in a long time. But maybe that’s because I’m 110% in agreement.
July 4, 2009 at 12:10 pm
he = sexy in a private space, she = sexy in a pubic space.
This is the best typo ever.
The 1585 essay was interesting but I felt like it was reducing us to singular, monolithic masculinity and femininity (which of course equate perfectly with ‘male expression’ and ‘female expression’) rather than the delightful buffet table that’s really available. I’m trying to bulk up lately because that is part of my image of who I am, and I haven’t worn makeup in years…and I don’t see me growing a cock yet. Ironically the female celebrities they’re holding up as icons of femininity probably work out a lot.
Exercise; it doesn’t belong to men, and it makes everyone feel good and look nice. Pfft.
July 4, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Shut *up* about my embarrassing typos. I can moderate comments you know.
Anyway, I meant to do that. Um…
July 4, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Also, not sure the essay really says that. I read it more as: men do this. Rather than women: don’t.
But what the fuck do I know? I love my gender/sex rigidity and boxes. (Why does that sound so rude?)
July 4, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Thanks for pointing out the 1585 article – it’s really very good. A few years ago I wanted my partner to look good but didn’t understand that for her I needed to be buff myself. Being lean and mean was definitely on my to-do list but not very high up and there always seemed to be more urgent things to attend to. So after hours of brainwashing (she calls it education) and subsequent confirmation from BJ’s blog I started to see the light, took action, and the missus is much happier.
The bit about BeejWorld that I don’t get yet is why women don’t need to make an effort to look appealing. Why is that?
Is it…
a) just a personal choice.
b) “I was born just so sexy that anything extra, like a low-cut top, is completely utterly irrelevant”. Or maybe
c) “My mind is just so amazing, a guy who doesn’t find me sexy for that is a useless plonker” Or is it
d) “Women have made an effort to look appealing for such a long time while men haven’t, now it’s time to turn the tables”, which smacks of revenge (no pun intended).
e) none of the above
If it’s c) “I have a sexy mind”, then doesn’t the 1585 article make rather a good counterargument – ie being buff and clever(-looking) are not mutually exclusive.
If it’s e) please please explain. Just trying to understand…
July 4, 2009 at 3:13 pm
“Twatburger”- That’s officially the coolest word ever.
The types who feminize themselves are attractive mostly to pros. Or at least, their wallets are attractive to them. I tend to take a more masculine approach myself, and I also work out 3-4 times a week. Some snug-fitting clothes, shiny shaved head, black boots……it works well for me.
Usually when you see a very out-of-shape guy with a stunning, model-looking woman, there’s money involved. And I have to think that part of the reason they use average-looking guys in femdom porn is so that the intended (male) audience can imagine themselves in that position.
But the attraction runs both ways. I don’t just “serve” anyone with a pussy. There’s got to be chemistry, both on a physical and emotional level. I don’t need a supermodel (especially since I’m not one myself) but I do need someone who makes an effort.
July 4, 2009 at 4:05 pm
There are ways for men to be attractive aside from the dominant paradigm!
But yeah, point taken. My Master likes em super slim, so I really oughtta redouble my efforts on the diet front…
July 4, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Roo-roo:
Funny that you mention this. As a follow up to Beej’s post, I’ve been thinking about how I hate to be associated with:
a) sissified sissy maids who insist on talking about their sissy clitty, and
b) exceptionally out-of-shape subby men.
I’ve become so squicked by these stereotypes that I’m letting my sub/bottom status card lapse when the registration comes up again. For some reason, these are the first images that seem to come up when people think about male submission, and I don’t blame them for being turned off.
July 4, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Those 1585 people are really wrong about men’s suits. In truth, *men wear suits because it gives every man a lean, elegant, kinda-muscular appearance.* Despite the potbelly they may also be sporting, even a sixty-years old man looks handsome in a suit. It’s a muscle-suit!
However, a very muscular man wearing a suit just looks a bit silly, too cumbersome.
July 4, 2009 at 7:09 pm
While I work out twice a week at least, reading is motivating me to double it.
July 4, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I don’t know why I never thought of this on any of the large number of other BJD posts touching on how men-in-women’s-lingerie-is-not-hot, but I’ve always read those posts with a small sense of objection, like ‘well underdressed men are in fact hot,’ and not bothering to bring up the topic because eh, underdressed shouldn’t mean feminization really. But for some reason this particular post made me think of fine black netting (or yea, even lace, just let it be semi-transparent) fit appropriately over a well-built male physique and, well, maybe more male lingerie should be made with the same sensibilities (not-quite-nakedness) as female lingerie. Because underdressed hotness is hot, feminization not needed. That is all.
July 4, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Place, this would be why I appreciate the eye candy at goth clubs: young skinny twink boys in fishnet shirts. No feminization needed (well, as long as you’ve adopted the idea that eyeliner is a gender-neutral cosmetic, WHICH IT IS).
I would say some things about the cute submissive boy I have a date with next week, but it would come off somewhere between bragging and Not My Nigel-ing, so I’ll just say that submissive men with nice bodies and attention to personal grooming DO exist.
July 5, 2009 at 12:16 am
It’s plainly obvious you want to fuck Sexo Grammaticus.
It’s a great site, I do love their call to Neitzche superman status for smart people. The atheism, the sex positivism and the objective understanding that these ideas are irrefutable in terms of logic and practicality is jizzing in orgasming arse awesome.
What turns me off about the site is the inherent 20 something arrogance that seeks to self aggrandise and award their ideas and identities much more accomplishment and cultural impact than has actually been achieved.
I do hope they get more hits and recognition. Their style is very similar to your own, but lacking in the quintessentially british self deprecation that makes much of your musings and more importantly the fundamentals of your various arguments paletable.
I’m not sure they have the right tact to achieve even an impact. Seeing as they tick every box of why the intelligentsia are reviled in popular culture. They do a good job of highlighting this and have good arguments why this is the case. You’ve got to admire their balls and intelligence.
They may have even inspired someone who has coasted through the casual sex and relationship stakes on his natural good looks and charm, to work out.
That’s no mean feat!
July 5, 2009 at 2:04 am
@ Azalea
Have always thought it somewhat unfair that the gay porn is full of delish men and we tend to be left with, well, leftovers…
‘However, a very muscular man wearing a suit just looks a bit silly, too cumbersome.’
oooo no! The man I torment is a body builder and rugged looking – he is *stunning* in a suit.
To me it looks like barely restrained brutal ‘manliness’ trying to pull off ‘civilised’. I love the juxtaposition!
Great post Bitchy
July 5, 2009 at 3:25 am
This article makes me really depressed. And then it makes me really turned on. And then I am simply glad I found a cute boy who let me bite him last weekend.
July 5, 2009 at 4:13 pm
“If you want to please me, please my eyeballs.”
Laugh out loud funny.
Love you, Bitchy!
July 5, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Brilliant post!
I agree with everything you said. I once tried a website, browsing around to see what kind of people are into this scene (I’m very much a novice myself) and I was immediately put off by the numerous unattractive men just dying to ‘throw themselves’ at my feet.
Looking good, being healthy and fit should be a minimum requirement surely?
Besides, a sub who has no heart problems will live longer and will be able to be subjected to more demanding stuff. That’s got to be a plus!
Loved the entry!
July 6, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I think this entry explains very well why it is pretty much impossible to find quality erotic material in the female dominance genre.
The idea that women would enjoy dominating men sexually is in itself already a bit of a stretch, but when the women are walking around in tight leather outfits (or nothing at all) and tieing fairly unattractive men up to mildly spank them and give them a blow- or handjob (oh no!) it really becomes transparent how much it is exclusively catered to male sexual desires.
I think this is why I, as a man with submissive tendencies (though I would never put these in to practice, for the very reason that I don’t believe any woman would truly enjoy it), prefer to watch material with female submissives. Men taking pleasure in abusing “unwilling” women, sexually and otherwise is unfortunately (but fortunately in the context of my fetish, I guess) much more believable.
July 6, 2009 at 7:13 pm
I mostly agree with this post a lot.
I am sort of ehhhhh on some of it just because as a queer toppy sort of woman, I actually prefer some chubbiness on my submissive women*. I like for the women I sleep with to wear cute clothes and make themselves look adorable (which is unfair to begin with because God knows I don’t do that stuff, but that’s kind of the point…), but I wouldn’t want them to think that submissive has to = tries to look like a model. Simply because most models are sort of “meh” to me, and I’m selfish like that.
On the other hand, I feel like the US (where I live) has some of the worst rates of guys taking care of their hair and skin, knowing what clothes look good on them, etc, etc of any country I’ve ever been to. It does sort of frustrate me a little — like, don’t just try to copy the cover of GQ, but know what works for *you* personally — or don’t complain that you’re not getting chicks.
July 6, 2009 at 7:13 pm
*I know that top/submissive is annoyingly asymetrical, but I couldn’t fit the word “bottom” into that sentence without giving myself a giggle fit. Mmm, chubby bottoms.
July 6, 2009 at 7:14 pm
@ O. Fallow — what, you don’t believe us? Why would we lie?
July 6, 2009 at 7:22 pm
@Unbreakable, if you’re still reading:
In my ideal kinky world, which I think is different in quite a few ways from BJ’s, dominant women don’t have to make as much of an effort to look good for someone else, because *trying to look good for someone else is a submissive thing.*
Within the realm of sexuality, I’m not interested in someone being impressed because I made an effort for them. I’m interested in someone making an effort to impress *me.* Most dominant men I know seem to feel more or less the same way, fwiw.
(sorry I seem to be spamming up this thread!)
July 6, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I’m late in getting to this, so apologies for what might be restating the obvious, but most sub men aren’t really submissive. They’re lazy and self-centered and want to be done, not do. It’s all about them. I know this because I used to be one of those, until, under the guidance of my beloved, I came to understand this and evolve. This new understanding is better for all concerned. But it took me years to get here.
As for the wretched appearance of so many sub men, this is what you might call a subset of a larger problem: the laziness of straight men in general. They just don’t give a damn what they look like. Of course, sub men should do better than that, given their professed predilections. But of course, most don’t. Me, I think spending 3-4 days in the gym every week to look good for Mistress is the least I can do.
July 6, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Wandered over here from malesubmissionart.com.
I’m in complete agreement with you, and generally in agreement with the 1585 article, although I think it overlooks the fact that some people genuinely prefer scrawny or overweight bodytypes to “buff” types. Those I know are quite vocal about it.
Tangentially: I’m a dominant, gay transman. For some reason this seems to translate to “must be turned on by feminization” in many people’s minds. I despair of finding a submissive who both sees me as “real man” and who is perfectly content being manly.
July 7, 2009 at 3:41 am
Bitchy
I’m not sure where you’re getting your bottoms from but mine are all really hot. They come groomed, clean, polite, some with sixpacks. And they want me to do mean things to them! And use them for sex!
I have no idea how I could ever go back to the slovenly ‘nilla boys. Ever.
July 7, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I definitely agree with roo-roo (although many will say it’s blindingly obvious) that: “…the attraction runs both ways…There’s got to be chemistry, both on a physical and emotional level.”
@persephone Interesting perspective, “…dominant women don’t have to make as much of an effort to look good for someone else, because *trying to look good for someone else is a submissive thing.*”
I find the whole effort-to-look-good thing quite confusing. On the one hand I agree that being a trophy wife/girlfriend is definitely sub. Yet I think looking good doesn’t have to be for someone else’s benefit, it can be for purely selfish reasons. Looking good can be for your own pleasure. Or it could also be for the desired effect on others.
In my case when my partner wears certain clothes it raises my blood pressure, gives me butterflies, and upsets my concentration which she finds quite amusing. For me, my reaction is not a conscious choice – it’s either innate or brainwashed in from an early age.
So there I am struggling to not react (or at least not let it show), and she’s pretending she’s not noticing. True she had to make the effort. True I got the eye-candy. But I’m the one flustered and squirming. Doesn’t that count as (mild) cruelty/torture?
July 7, 2009 at 1:47 pm
@persephone I realised afterwards I probably didn’t express myself very clearly. I just meant to say dominant women are much rarer than submissive men and the way they are usually portrayed is not very believable.
July 9, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Well here is another angle to this story:
The first dominant women I spent time with threw out most of my clothes and had me replace it with things that were more to her liking.
A while after some of my friends commented that my clothes all seemed to be stuck in a time warp of a certain era.
Obviously this was her preference, but after we split, I realized how much you are judged by your clothes and that any choice I made in a new wardrobe would affect my future prospects.
As a submissive I want to look pleasing , but that does not mean I know what my ‘future partner’ will find pleasing.
Suits were a safe bet, but I have massive thigh muscles from cycling so suit pants just look so baggy – maybe if the made them of stretch material I could wear them – but that would turn most women off right there.
As an even simpler example, hair length is another difficult choice. Some partners have said they liked it longer because it was a rock-star look, but then I met an older woman who said ‘if only you would get a shorter haircut’
I know Bitchy you know exactly what _you_ like, but there is a chance not all women like the same styles.
Hope this gave some other bewildered subs a laugh at my struggle.
Ben
July 10, 2009 at 12:39 am
While we’re exploring why it is that the submissive men don’t make themselves a bit more appealing, can we also try to figure out why they can’t type, spell, or punctuate?
July 10, 2009 at 12:57 am
Hey, I can type, spell, and punctuate!
July 10, 2009 at 2:05 am
Just as soon as the tops can remember that they are “dominant” and not “dominate” womyn.
July 10, 2009 at 4:12 am
@Tom Allen – I r no teh dominate?
@dhenwood – then you are a rare breed. I keep getting messaged by submissive men who have possible raped the written word.
July 10, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I’m a chick and I completely agree about crap internet “profiles” and the butchery of the English language. Leading cause of not sleeping with me: inability to even make an attempt at correct spelling and grammar or write anything on your profile besides, “i like to be hurt.”
And ugly sub guys would be reason 48 why I don’t self-identify as a dom. I like my boys pretty, damnit, and the average submissive male seems to be a poorly dressed fat and flabby forty year old who’s really just your average dirty old man, plus some kinks. (not that forty year olds must be dirty old men, just they all are when they’re hitting on me.)
So I’ll just go drool over the pretty goth boys in their net shirts and eyeliner. Maybe I’ll kinkify one of them, because god knows I don’t want anything to do with the vast majority of self-identified male subs.
July 10, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I have to agree with you. I always had submissive fantasies, and I always practiced some sport (mostly tennis and swimming).
But since I started actually dating a wonderful woman (who actually *likes* d/s play ) I have been hitting the gym four times a week. I don’ t find lifting weights very amusing, so previously I never had the will-power to keep exercizing for more than 3 months.
Now, however, I like the thought of being fit *for her*, the idea of working to be attractive for her. And I am now in my 6th month of gym training.
I admit that thought also turns me on ^_^;
July 11, 2009 at 12:24 am
I’m pretty much with alberto on this one. It feels so great to know that you’re working out and improving your body for someone.
July 11, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Now I know why I am not submissive, I just can’t be arsed to get myself to the gym. Actually its not all my fault, I am naturally good looking and drinking competitively doesn’t leave much time for working out. Still I am almost 40, I wouldn’t want to be one of the guys Issacsapphire mentioned. I wouldn’t be opposed to going to the gym, but the problem is they seem to be full of wankers. Ever notice how many mirrors there are in these places. Like you only get healthy if you can admire yourself doing it.
Anyway, Jones its a bit rich you expecting a hot male model type when you are a self-described fat chick that doesn’t wash very often.
July 11, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you. More women would be into sitting on a submissive man’s face if the men expressed their submission in practical ways. It all comes down to seduction, of the senses and the ego. Why else would a woman want a man around?
July 12, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Toni, women are capable of putting on (fat) pounds in ways that men are not. I can easily carry an extra 30 lbs. in a proportionate curvy fashion. Men can not gain 30 lbs in weight without losing their form unless it is muscle weight.
I don’t know how big Jones claims to be (I’m new here and feel uncomfortable referring to her as “Beej” or whatever), but I do know the joy and sense of entitlement of looking at a hot fresh young male ass in far better shape than mine. I wish I’d acquired that sense of entitlement at a much younger age.
July 14, 2009 at 11:13 am
This blog has been bouncing around in my mind for a few days now and I’m ready to do everyone who is following this thread the injustice of trying to answer rhetorical questions.
“What I mean is why don’t submissive men dedicate themselves to looking hot? Like, a lot. What could be more submissive than that?”
I think this is tricky, and I’ve tried it. In much the same way as I’ve tried to bend numerous domestic tasks into a submissive act for my own gratification. That’s right, a man, doing dishes. How very submissive.
As every other sub man has experienced I’m sure, dishes can be deeply gratifying in the right mindset. So much so that when the dishes are finished, the benches get wiped down and the floor gets swept. If the satisfying warmth of service has not yet died then perhaps it’s time to put on a load of washing. In the afterglow of this intense rampage the man ponders to himself, with a smug little grin, why more women aren’t dominant. This bliss could probably continue perpetually if not for the unfortunate inevitability that the man will work out (possibly even by himself) that he is being a terminal wanker.
In striving for a slender and built form, I went through a very similar motion. Weights suck. Much as doing the dishes does. It’s boring, it consumes time and worse than dishes, weights are heavy. And yet by adding just a dash of submission the task is transformed. The tedium washes away like dirty water down a sink. The task becomes a challenge worthy of only the worthy. The sensations are intense and consuming. Pain. Deep, deep pain that lingers for days. Then it’s time to step up to abstaining from food. Bizarre synthetic protein powder now nourishes the body and submission nourishes the soul. Jogging now, in the bitter cold. And during a particularly energetic jog, actually overtaking people now, the mind wonders and ponders. “I’d look pretty damn fine harnessed to a horse sulky”, I think to myself. I don’t even catch myself as I begin to imagine powering up a hill with her in tow, an elegant single tail playing rhythmically over my back. *sigh* Terminal Wanker.
Doing dishes isn’t submissive. Dishes need to be done so we don’t die of cholera. Exercise and diet are necessary for rest, health and a clear mind. I dearly wish this wasn’t the case as much as I dearly wish for a cigarette and a fist full of fruitcake with a tablespoon of butter on top.
I know that there is a difference between maintaining good health and the “lickable torsos” that Bitchy Jones is talking about. And now, perhaps, I come to my point and it’s not even mine and it’s been made for me in the blog. Hot, toned specimens of the male form are not icons of submissive masculinity and rubber bra wearing morons with carrots up there arse are. And if there is reason men think that dressing ridiculously and shoving vegetables in themselves is sexy it could because that is apparently something sexy about women. Well, women in porn anyway. Could it be that what is held up as a desirable female form is just as arbitrary and absurd? If we are going to sexualise the male body why bother exploring aspects of masculinity that are beautiful or enticing? Much better slam together a disjointed narrative involving vague icons and hopefully penetration.
Reasonable division of domestic labor is not power play and maintaining a hot male body cannot be submission until maintaining a hot female body is. Fit and athletic women are not assumed to be submissive, or gay or sexually deviant at all. In fact a woman who sports a few extra kilos is deemed to be an affront to sex itself. Submissive men working out nonstop to please dominant women? I don’t think we’re even close. Vanilla men working out nonstop to even exist in the peripheral vision of vanilla women might constitute some token example of basic gender equality and surely it’s hardly the most pressing issue on that front.
But if it does happen count me in. After the femdom has been replaced as prevailing icon of female dominance with, well, I dunno, a woman then perhaps work can begin making the calendar men of submission, well, calendar men . When a cut, preened body is iconic of something other than homosexuality or generic self loathing and insecurity I’ll be there. When people see a drop dead gorgeous man and pause to consider that “mmm, perhaps he likes having the shit belted out of him” then it will be an aesthetic I’ll give my all to conform to.
And while the brave new world is being whisked together I have a few questions of my own. To what extent will it be acceptable for submissive men to make intense exercise a focus of submission? Will dominant women own the pain and sacrifice undergone to forge these bodies or will submissive men without perfect physiques simply become invisible? Is it the exertion, discipline and abstinence necessary to create rock hard abs that is attractive? If this is part of the turn on, and if this idea becomes pervasive in the popular sphere then I think that submissive men would flock to gyms in droves. Or perhaps that’s giving men to much? Perhaps a great body will simply be what all men who want the intimate company of women will have.
For the time bring though, I think that the extent to which the male imagination can sexualise something is limited to poking it with things.
July 14, 2009 at 11:27 am
Dan, I love this comment – you win. (Or, if you prefer, lose – in that dirty way you love so much.)
July 15, 2009 at 12:10 am
I had a huge fourth grade teacher, Ms. Gordon, who was a real ball-breaker on the students. She had four chins, bad breath, lips that were always cracked and wet; she used to have to push the desks apart with her butt just to get across the classroom. One day her husband came into class to drop something off for her and I was surprised at his frail physique: skinny little wisp of a man with greasy hair and a Carhart jacket. She went out in the hall and I could hear her screaming at him the same way she did to her students. Then she dragged him back in and made him sit in the one empty desk left in the classroom. He didn’t say anything, but he stayed there until the class was over. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I think the scene may have had some sexual undertones. He was what you would call a submissive male, but he wasn’t doughy or anything, just more a greasy beanpole type. No doubt she crushed him nightly under the sheets.
July 26, 2009 at 1:00 am
Indeed, my dear…you have no idea how many times I have asked myself this question. Why oh why can’t they be buff, sharply dressed and just downright yummy like the gays? (Sigh.) Instead they are grotesquely overweight, pasty-fleshed, balding (but with hair sprouting up in all the wrong places) and generally repulsive. Truth be told, I only lasted a couple weeks as a pro-domme. And this is precisely why. More at http://www.becomingadomme.blogspot.com…a very old and very brief blog about my miserable experience.
You are brilliant, by the way. Keep up the bitchin’.
July 26, 2009 at 1:12 am
Damn. I’m no youth, but I keep myself fit (buff like the gays!), my hair attractively cropped, my body hair shaved, my manner courteous & deferential though not unctuously so. I want some credit, dammit!
July 27, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Was that *the* Doug Henwood?
if you really do think that it is your role to enhance the lives of all women everywhere, why not take a tip from me. Here’s a way you can do that without having to dial down the ultra creepiness ten thousand notches so a woman who isn’t charging fee for being in the same room as you can speak to you without vomiting her own human dignity out of her eyeballs. Look hot. Work out and eat right and get an expensive haircut.
It. Is. So. Obvious.
But wouldn’t you just be James Bond then?
July 27, 2009 at 6:20 pm
*The* Doug Henwood? Dunno – how many of us are there?
July 28, 2009 at 9:51 am
As in LBOTALK?
July 28, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Busted. That would be me. Must be more careful about the identity I sign in under! Not that it really matters all that much…
July 30, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Astonishing the people you meet in these places…
July 31, 2009 at 1:33 am
Ain’t it amazing? But it’s because our friend Bitchy is so compelling!
August 6, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Dan said: “When people see a drop dead gorgeous man and pause to consider that “mmm, perhaps he likes having the shit belted out of him” then it will be an aesthetic I’ll give my all to conform to.”
I do. I see an attractive man I do think spanky-thoughts.
(Rambly Side Note: what is attractive to me. And in that always existing conundrum, attraction is individual. There is no *one* way to be attractive to all dominant women, or all women. But, to add my AMEN to the original point of BJ’s post, I’ve never met or seen or imagined a woman (dominant or otherwise) who found someone striving to be unattractive (see the usual pic/words attached to submissive men: greasy, unwashed, ungroomed, slovenly, chubby-to-fat, nearly illiterate and definitely poorly written, badly dressed, seemingly ‘given up’ attitude) to be what they desire. Sexually or otherwise.
What that ‘type’ does definitely inspire is ridicule or laughter or humiliation. Which is probably the point. Consciously or unconsciously. //end rambly side note)
There are some quite attractive submissive men out there. Thank god. My dating life would be rather barren were there not. There are even some buff ones.
There are just far far far too few. And there are too many submissive men who think that they are somehow supposed to be icky if they are submissive. Thanks for setting them straight!
August 12, 2009 at 6:15 am
BLEAH. Was looking for frilly underwear for my own female self to indulge the boyfriend’s taste for old-school knickers. Blundered onto a site for frilly undies for men complete with on-model product shots that look like a sweaty hippo blundered into a frothy Victorian tea. Briefly thought back to this post before running off to dip my eyeballs in bleach.
August 26, 2009 at 6:21 am
I made a new friend recently, and he is gorgeous. He does martial arts and weightlifting and teaches kickboxing and self-defense. I get so into the sculpture and curves of his muscles, sometimes I spend and hour tracing his lines with my fingers or tongue. Mmm salty. I haven’t had any relationships with such a fit man before, and it is a whole new level of fun.
August 26, 2009 at 6:27 am
@ Rachel – yahus! Sounds like mine. Honestly, it’s been two years and I’m *still* not sick of the way the shadows form under the muscles.
Still have to teach him to enjoy hurt, but anything’s possible
Do worry tho – does really hot current mate ruin future possible relationships with seriously mediocre looking but fabulously filthy perverts?
October 8, 2009 at 7:29 pm
i suspect there are multiple reasons the looks of so many men claiming to be submissive are less than optimal and why not all the “Men In Pain” are modelicious. Submissives and masochists who are buff, well groomed and young are more likely to be already accommodated. Most males, myself included, are selfish and self-centered, want to indulge our own fantasies and some are unaware of what how the punishments (like spankings) really feel. What, (gasp), you mean my fantasies aren’t realistic and that women won’t all be clamoring to see the photos of me in my ladies_full_brief_panties-male_modeled-back_view ? Since when have men been capable of making sense? Yes, i’m one of those fucking arsehole female supremacists (in my dreams) and must be pissing you off mightily right now because you are right. I. Am. So. Obliviously. An. Idiot.
October 8, 2009 at 7:41 pm
P.S.: Do you think my relative incompetence and trollitude will make it unlikely that women will take me up on the dare to make me famous in my ladies_panties ?
November 20, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I will keep this short and to the point. I am a Submissive and love Women. However there are some nasty looking men out there.
While that is true I must confess that I have also come across some very nasty Women who are just as gross and disgusting and really are out for some poor sucker and his money……
And a lot of the better looking Domme women are also money grabbers.
Oh to have a real mutual Domme Sub Relationship!!