This article isn’t going to be heading all snarkily for Fox News, even though I understand them to be read by the kind of people who like using the ‘gay’ as an insult. (Seriously, why is this getting more and more okay? It’s just not okay. And if you are pathetic enough to think it’s fucking edgy or some shit – like you’ve had some kind of imagationobotomy – why not use racist insults? – yeah, exactly. I don’t want this blog to become all gay rights all the time – but some things just piss me off.)

But anyway, Fox News, pshaw: I am British, I have the BBC, I don’t need to get involved. 

And I could snark it from my usual point of view – stop comoditising my sexuality you bastwards, etc. But really, that does seem everso slightly not on the point here as the article is purely about my sexuality as a way to make money. Not one single nod is given to the fact is might be something a woman would ever do for the sheer blissy hot of it. Nah, nah, nah, nah, NAH! In fact, in this context, that would probably be beyond horridious.

And isn’t that kind of weird. Dominatrixing something for money is far more okay (and even kind of family friendly) than dominatrixing for sexual kicks. And you’ve got to wonder why that might be (really – I have no idea here, nothing clever to offer as per) – it’s certainly not the case in vanilla sex, where doing it for fun is – while not morally okay – is usually morally better than doing it for money. Well, maybe things flip at the sluttier ends of the scale.

But I’m not talking about that today. (Or probably ever as it sounds too much like it might involve actual intellectual thought not just swearing and hyphenating words together.) 

Being a professional dominatrix might not be in most careers advisors manuals, ew, but it sometimes seems like there is no job on earth that it is more easy to find how-to guides about. 

Even I’ve written one. Although, obviously, I don’t actually know anything about how to get started as a prodom. I just guessed – but I’m a good guesser. 

Essentially in femdom there are two kinds of self help articles every-the-fuck-a-where. For submissive men there are those lovely, mumsy, hand-holdy guides to meeting dominant women that tend to miss the only real bit of basic advice needed – don’t be so fucking creepy, Jesus! - and sort of casually ignores any other reason why it might be hard for submissive men to meet dominant women (like the fact that there aren’t really any that aren’t made of insanity – ‘cept me and that’s because I am unique in all the world: the dominatrix cursed with a soul, trying desperately to atone for all the asshattery done in my name. At least until Spike turns up and we fight in a cave; something I am looking forward too much less than you might think).

And then, for dominant women there are the other articles about how to become a prodom. 

Oh, are there ever. Go google-fish for it. Nothing prodoms and lazy sex journalists like better than explaining how to turn this camp circus vision of my sexuality into a source of free money. With added pointless neutered lasciviousness. 

And, you know, if anyone really still wonders what the fucking problem is with femdom, why everyone is so unhappy and dissatisfied and writing ass-grumping blogs about it rather than exploding in a frenzy of desire and whip-crack-away – well, isn’t thing just the pip? Men get told how to find women for sex, women get told how to charge men for sex. 

Sex? Men demand and women supply. That’s it.

My desires? Ha! obviously as a dominant woman I don’t want sex. I want money so I can buy shoes and chocolate. And, well, toys, but not for any kind of sexy fun for me – the toys are to expand my business so I can increase my earning of shoes and chocolate potential (whilst sort of maintaining that special prodom non-threatening version of dominant female desire: sensual sadist and giggling at cocks, mainly. Jesus Christ internet, will you stop being so full of women talking about doing the stuff I like to do because they find it funny. I do not do my sexuality because it is funny. When did you last hear that a mandom tied a femsub up and then had a jolly good laugh. No! He did it because it gave him a fucking erection. Watch some gay SM porn. See how much laughing goes on. 

Just, gah, for money or for funny, but never for proper guh!)

I have, I know MSTd particularly hilarious articles about how to be a prodom before, but this one is interesting because it is somewhat mainstream. And there, I assume, aimed at vanilla women. (Although actually, this article pretty much ignores the issue of women having any kind of sexual desires at all ever – no change there then.) Of course, the usual articles about how to do prodom aren’t necessarily aimed at not-vanilla women. (Although truly, and I may have said it before, the people best suited to being prodoms are submissive women with a real hardcore kink for discomfort, humiliation and sexual dissatisfaction – but that’s for another day.)

So, it begins (I almost can’t be bothered now – but without the article this would just be a stream of pathetic swear-enladen consciousness (What?)):

When it comes to career aspirations, most women don’t think whips, ropes and handcuffs.

Well not unless they have ever read on of these lazy articles before. Honestly I think if you asked anyone in the street to name four different jobs a woman might do they would probably include dominatrix. It’s like the author of this article thinks she is the first one to have discovered women tying men up for money. Betcha never thought of this! As if it, like, had a low profile or something.

Yeah, yeah, you are investigative journalist genius exposing this crackpotty profession literally no one ever knew existed before now. 

With “kink” more mainstream than ever, educated, professional women are putting on their leather. And they have many wondering: What’s the appeal of being a dominatrix?

Well, of course regular readers will know that the appeal is, of course, MIND BUZZ. (MIND BUZZ is what happens to dominant women instead of messy stuff like getting turned on. It’s hard to know whether MIND BUZZ is actually nice. Us civilians who don’t get paid to do dominatrixing probably can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like. It is beyond our puny mind. I expect.)

Strangely though this article doesn’t mention MIND BUZZ (lazy journo!) but it does offer some other reasons why prodomming might be a great career options for, oh, anyone.

(Oh and do you love those double quotes around the word kink – like she’s holding it at arms length in a pair of lead tongs.)

Becoming a dominatrix — a female who takes a dominant role in bondage, discipline, domination and submission — is an attractive option for these women because:

— It offers the convenience of early or nightshift work;

— It enables cute women with bodies bigger than the Barbie-esque figure desired of strippers to work in the sex industry;

— It provides a woman with the opportunity to flog some of the bankers responsible for the current financial mess.

(Woman in that sentence is a hyperlink to a moisturiser ad. Um, okay. What? Whut?)

I do like the first, um, reason (is that the right word? – it seems somehow wrong) because, as we all know, nightshift work is ‘convenient’ if you hate your friends and your life… and doesn’t it give you cancer or something?

The second “reason” is that lie that comes out of the same box as Beyonce and Kate Winslet are curvaceous plus-size mammas, in that, because the standard of beauty for women is so (and literally – wordplay fans) narrow a slightly wider one – that still excludes probably 98% of women – is celebrated as some kind of model of inclusion. (See crap like Suicide Girls for more pretence that replacing one set of physical ideals with another is in some way empowering and inclusioning and about anything other than perceived fuckability.) Also, you know, you can actually get work as a standard prostitute (shock tactics I know but the sex industry ain’t just about strippers) if you don’t look like Barbie. There’s more to prostitution that Julia Roberts and Bell de Jour. Some prozzies are even working class!

And the third “reason”, god, fuck’s sake. Apart from the crappy stuff about how my sexuality isn’t about hurting men for revenge (it’s about sex – god – do we ever get to call it that) – this makes no sense. How are the bankers responsible for the financial crisis going to afford prodoms? With the fucking bail out money?

First, they need to be trained in techniques like whipping and caning. They need to learn how to use the tools for sex acts involving bondage, paddling and sexual torture.

Okay, so, I know what paddling is (boring) but I do so want to make a joke about a dominatrix in a canoe. She’s already wearing the wetsuit. 

The mistress must be:

— Sensitive to others’ sexual fantasies, thoughts and emotions;

— Open-minded and self-confident;

— Empathetic to others’ wants and desires;

— Good in the art of seduction.

Just an aside. I tick the box marked no for all of these. Yay for me. Empathetic to others’ wants and desires is a good one. What like the presumably sexy one in Star Trek TNG? You can just ask, you know. I find that works better than the use of psychic powers I don’t have as a real life person. (Although quite an annoying proportion of male submissives like to keep what they like a secret. I know it’s a stigmatised sexuality – but I am not fucking Sherlock Holmes. (That’d be Watson.))

You can imagine that the intensity of focusing on another person — the individual’s feelings and body language — with behaviors labeled atypical by most, is exhausting. While offering the glorified, Hollywood-style dominatrix experience, these women handle what some call girls and prostitutes can’t or won’t. So is it any wonder that many mistresses and clients consider this a bonding experience?

Yeah, I do tend to find sex a bonding experience. You know, having sex with another person. The bonding. That. 

The industry stands to expand if the economic crisis doesn’t end soon. And with that, some women, although it may sound strange to others, are perfectly fine with going to a job where they’re actually called “ma’am.”

Being called Ma’am is so great. Not as great as being called goddess. It’s a sign of respect you know, being deified. Not dehumaising at all in any way.

And yeah, dominatrixing is immune to the kind of puny economic factors that affect the rest of us (what?).  Why should the cry-sis make the industry (‘industry’? Really? Really?) expand. Yeah, right, ‘cause kinky sex services are in much more demand in less affluent places. The less money people have the more they want to spend on specialised sexual services. Whut?

Why will a recession will ‘cause more prodomming. I kind of thought it might cause a rise in things that are fun and cost nothing and can be done at home. Like mutual fun for fun sex.

Sux!

I say, there are as many dominant women as there are submissive men. There are enough for one each. It could all be fine. Bunches of women are more than capable of being turned on by male submission ‘cause it is hot.

But those women aren’t here because they are driven away by how horrible this culture is to women. There is probably nothing such as turn off as brutal harsh porn driven idea about female sexuality and desire being presented as what women actually want. What you are meant to want if you are a dominant woman.

That is what happens in femdom. I said it better way back when I said this:

Do you not see? Do you not see? You have created a woman repelling space full of unreasonable expectations of female physicality, predatory sexual creepiness, penis fixation (just ’cause you’ve locked it in a plastic cage doesn’t mean you aren’t still letting your world revolve around it) and pay-for-play as an acceptable norm.

And then you are surprised – surprised! – that there are no women here. Even though you have practically built a woman repelling force field around this place. You really like sexual frustration that much, huh?

Some people don’t believe me. And to those unbelievers I say: I am right.

Those people need to know that nowadays I get 2 or 3 emails a month from women saying, ‘Oh yeah, Beej. Now I get it. Oh yikes I am a dominatrix!‘ Or something. They are actually more articulate than that.

I don’t print a lot of reader mail (in fact I don’t think I ever have before), but I love this one. I excerpted from it in The Complete Bitchy Jones – but I think the whole thing is worth reading.

Hi,

I know you get alot of these, but in case you’re keeping track for statistical purposes – I love LOVE your blog, and I feel like I’m one of the women who has never considered myself dom because I find the bdsm scene pretty cold, creepy, and not sexy.

Since you asked – I stumbled across your blog when I was googling around. Since then I’ve been working my way through the archives, laughing myself sick, getting teary eyed – and also turned on.

Thank you for your writing. It’s so emotional, and beautiful, and true. I’m in a happy vanilla relationship now, and though I wish I could figure out how to introduce some kink into our sex life, in the meantime I have your blog to read.

Also, I just wanted to share some thoughts with you on the prodom subject. A very old friend of mine has grown up to be a prodom, and she embodies the stereotype exactly, from the Amazon wish list to the KLASSY ‘I love mozart and I read Derrida and I am an artiste of dominance and pain’ etc. etc. blah blah blah. She wears the latex, she wields the strap on, her website features pictures of her looking hot and scornful and tying men up in elaborate rope bondage. And she never gets fucked. SHE NEVER GETS FUCKED. She loathes the men that she beats and she never gets fucked.

Here’s the thing about her that you haven’t addressed exactly on your blog: this IS all very gratifying to her. She doesn’t get off sexually from hurting men – she gets off mentally on being adored, and worshipped, and having people be all in awe and like “wow, you’re so beautiful and powerful and mysterious” – because she’s an insecure mess and she needs male attention/approval like a fish needs water. She’s drunk on the fantasy image of herself that she’s created (the image that she wishes she was rather than the boring, suburban reality of her upbringing), and she needs and craves the kind of fawning adoration she gets from her clients. The fact that she can hurt these men, and they will still desire/adore/worship her is proof (to her) that she is just THAT fucking hot and incredible. The idea that these men like pain is kind of overlooked – it’s about her being so amazing that they suffer just to bask in the glow of her greatness – as opposed to them just liking the hurt.

I think that’s why when most prodoms talk about how it’s ‘mental’ and all that crap, what they really mean is this kind of thing – the desperate, desperate need to be desired to the point of worship. That’s the turn on for them. I’m not even totally sure it’s sexual. It’s just like this intensely exaggerated extension of the pretty typical insecurities most heterosexual women feel about wanting to be pretty and wanting men to be turned on by them.

And the no sex thing is like, they need the worship, and being cold and distant is how they think they hold on to that, because they really don’t believe a man can worship something he can have. Being the object of worship is more important than getting fucked. In fact, it’s the whole point.

This is clearly not the same thing as the desperate, desperate need to see a man on his knees, taking pain for you and getting hard in the process. It’s not much about sweaty, hot sex at all. It’s about being emotionally/psychologically needy to the point of total fucking craziness. I think it’s about that at least as often as it’s about money. It’s not actually female dominance or female power at all. It’s just really, really insecure women poaching submissive guys because they want to be the princess, the goddess, the superior sexual uber-woman.

It’s not on accident that so many of them are ‘models,’ or more realistically, women who aren’t quite beautiful enough to really BE models but wish they were and like to pretend they are (thus the glut of arty, fashiony, black & white photographs of them looking hot in latex and lipstick on their websites). These are often (maybe not always, I don’t know) women who feel they simply don’t exist if there is no male gaze to validate them. Being a prodom is the fast way to get that gaze to the nth fucking degree.

It’s pretty sad, when you think about it. A sub-culture that’s supposed to be about women actively wanting and desiring has been co-opted by the exact opposite – women who need to be wanted and desired. And that’s why it makes sense for them to lump all that perversion together under femdom (feminization, the age-play), because the point is to be the worshiped goddess, to grant man their fantasies in order to become the fantasy, and inflicting pain is just one flavor of that process.

Anyway, it’s no mystery to me why women who might actually be sexually aroused by a man collared and chained to a radiotor are not so interested in this sub-culture. It’s driven by narcissism, not sex. And at the end of the day, I’d rather be fucked than worshiped.

So those were the thoughts I wanted to share. You rock so hard. I wish I’d read this blog 13 years ago.

Thank you.

God, someone that smart loves me. How happy am I right now? Not least because she has supplied me with an entire fabulous post right there. But also, whoops, look, there goes a brilliant, brilliant woman who is turned on by men hurting and is she here hurting you? No. You lost her by disguising super hot male submission as crappy crap. Well done.

Because the truth is, as I try to find a place for me in the sexual sub-culture to which I have been assigned by higher powers with a malignant sense of humour, it may be asshat women that make me flounder and want to killstabkill online, but in real life – that place of warmth and touch and flesh – it is mandoms that make me question whether I can ever survive in this fucking hinterland of sex and horror where the cock is a universal signifier of being in charge and dress codes are enforced everywhere to make sure women do their job and brighten the place up.

But, you know, the mandoms. Can’t we have the culled or something? Is someone breeding them somewhere? I thought there were a lot of male subs, but for each of them there are 17 mandoms strutting around, meaning that I, as a unicorn, feel somewhat overwhelmed by them.

So ridiculously copious are they that when an onstage announcement claimed that tickets for a certain fetish-stravaganza could be bought from the ‘man in the leather jacket’, Jack and I made stretchy-eyed faces at one another. ‘What? All of them? – Every second person here is a man in a leather jacket’

Not all of them are asshats. But there are so many of them that even a minority asshat tendency would be overwhelming. And, face it, it’s not the minority is it?

And though manasshats don’t have the femdom demographic issue leading them to be wading through piles of needy, creepy, posturing submissives, to make then feel asshatterly superior – but they don’t need it. Because mandoms have something else.

Mandoms have science. Mandoms have ‘it’s natural’. Asshat mandoms have the power to make every woman into a submissive just by thinking about the fact that she probably is.

Here’s how the anatomy of the asshat mandom breaks down

Looks: If you’re a mandom you need to look like a MAN. And looking like a man means one thing and one thing only. Not muscular physiques. Not well pressed suits. Shaved heads. Oh no – mandoms do not need to make an effort to look manly. Mandoms express their masculinity by doing what comes naturally and just so happens to involve even less grooming than the average man. Mandoms express their masculinity one way and one way only: facial hair.

You may also like to consider a leather waistcoat and a black T shirt sporting a heavy manly music logo – or a tied up woman pic for special.

Never, ever look like you have made any attempt to look physically attractive. Femsubs hate that. Femsubs that want men to look attractive are not properly submissive. And besides if you look like you care what she thinks, you might get mistaken for a mansub and then your penis would fall off. And with it all your dominazi powers.

Personality: Are you successful in vanilla life. Do you have a car, a motorbike, a high powered career, all your own teeth? Well for god’s sake get it into the conversation. Don’t wait for an opening – just say so. You are mandom – all will listen to your self aggrandisement.

Attitude to women: All women are submissive. Or want to be. Or would want to be if they really understood themselves. Except for the ones who are submissive, but don’t do submission right. Those ones aren’t really submissive.

Social Interaction: At BDSM eventing the asshat mandom must be aware of certain groups of people and react to them appropriately.

Femdoms are all prostitutes – all of them do it for money really even if they say they don’t because no women are actually turned on by being dominant. Basically there is no such thing. And all the pros are (a) submissives denying it for profit and (b) evil. So treat every woman you meet as if she is a female submissive. *Your* female submissive. Unless she says otherwise. And probably even then.

Mansubs do exist – although it would be so much better if they didn’t. They are unnatural and need to be treated with the upmost contempt. They are spoiling it. Confusing everything by kneeling in front of women, destroying the science, the wondrous natural purity of mandom/femsub.

If they have to be submissive they can at least do everyone a favour and do it in private. Blank them or ridicule them, whatever it takes to make them go a long way away from you before any idle thoughts about what it might be like to submit yourself trail into your brain, because there is nothing worse than…

Switches! Switches are worse than mansubs, because like bisexuals in straightland, they look normal. (Nothing wrong with bisexuals of course, *female* bisexuals. It’s natural that women should be curious about other women. Women’s bodies are more beautiful after all.)

But, really, switches! That lovely M/f couple with him all puffy chest and her knowing her place and then, OMG, he says he switches. Ew. Ew!. EW! Switches are all wrong because being submissive (if you are a woman) or dominant (if you are a man) is something you ARE, not something you try on for fun. Goddamnit. When will people understand. This is not about sex!

Anyway, scratch all that really because submissive women are all you actually care about and they fall into two groups.

Cute ‘n’ young ‘n’ thin ‘n’ blonde ones… and all the other ones.

Make sure you give at least 85% of your attention to the ones who look most like your average kink dot com cookie cutter rope slut bunny. All the rest of them, the older, fatter, ordinarier ones can wait for your attention. They’ll probably get off on your superior ignoring anyway.

Communication skills: Of course you can be a mandom if you have speech impediment, but how did it happen that if you have a speech impediment you *had* to be a mandom. ‘Cause only a rule like that would explain the prevalence of mandoms of, uh, well…

…who squeak…

…or worse.

Please could at least *some* of you have speech therapy or elocution lessons or whatever the fuck it takes because the Elmer Fudd mandom is becoming something of a thing. Every mandom these days is either lisping or doing funny ‘R’ sounds or has some kind of weird high pitched nasal thing going on.

And I can do without Jack sneaking up behind me when I am perusing some stuff to be mean to him with and whispering: ‘thay yeth thir… thuck my cock, thlave or I will thpank you, methilethly.’

Get Over:

DOMINATRIX
Leather PVC and studs were always going to be a hard look to carry off without looking like you charge by the hour.

Thanks Grazia Magazine for equating my sexuality to (a) a costume and (b) something women only do for money and, in just one sentence, proving everything I say to be true.

Here’s a figure. The ratio of dominant women to submissive men is 1:20.

Is that figure true? I have no idea. Say it is. And if it is, it is a reflection of the numbers of submissive men and dominant women making themselves visible in kink places on and offline.

It is not a representation of real numbers.

I started this blog with a few “ideas” and one of them was this: In terms of sexuality, sexual response, how people really feel deep down inside, the numbers are equal. It’s 1:1. And the reason I believe this because, well, why the fuck not? Can you give me any reason why the numbers wouldn’t be equal?

And I can think of a million reasons why they might really be equal and it might look like they’re not.

(Yes, okay, look, for the purposes of todays “experiment” everyone is a heterosexual and there are no switches. Just for now. Just because otherwise it gets too noisy. I get bitten by this. I wish people would just let me talk about this stuff as if this were the case. It makes a lot of sense to do it that way. Because, you know, the next time you are at a kinky event or website which is decorated entirely with pics of tied up women it really isn’t so the gay and bisexual women have a good time.

This was the first ever good kicking I ever got. The first ever time on a kinky website I complained that all the pictures in the menus and icons were of women and I got told off for being a homophobe.

So let’s keep it simple. Can everyone speak slowly and use short words too – I’m feeling fragile/delicate/neurotic today as per.)

Since I started this blog I have received emails, real actual emails from other people not written and sent to myself to make myself feel special – that say stuff like, oh, I read your blog and now I get what my sexuality is – I always thought a man in his knees was super fucking hot but I didn’t get what was up with me and I never thought I was a dominant woman because I’m not entirely encased in PVC/the owner of a pussy that requires “worship”/into men dressed as women/an insane self-important money-and-consumer-items-obsessed greedy selfish self important self-aggrandising fucking asshat.

Working out this stuff is hard. I have no qualifications for this stupid job. I’ve not read much about gender politics or sexuality. Sometimes I feel like my brain is bleeding with all the conflicting messages about strap-on cocks being one of the the main signifier of female sexual dominance, frilly undies being a signifier of male submission and the fact that maybe complaining about this thing is all down to me being so steeped in trad binary gender roles and heteronormativity and a love of PIV sex and orgasms.

I don’t know.

This stuff is hard.

PIV sex is really fucking great though. And cock and cock sucking and having my body touched by other humans that I like. When Fem!Doms! say ‘male creatures may not touch me – none of them are worthy‘ I can only think they have some kind of phobia or disease. Touch goes two ways, asshat.

But, yeah, Anything gender is hard. Trying to unravel gender stuff is like capturing a woo-woo bird.

I wish I didn’t have to. Damn, I can see the seductiveness of saying, look, it’s all just fun. You have your fun Bitchy, I’ll have mine. Just calm down. Other people’s kinks are none of your business.

My life, truly, would be so much more interesting and enjoyable if I could do that.

If I could say everything is fine. Whee kinky sex. Whatever turns you on is fine. So long as it’s SSC, RACK, YKINMKBYKIO, legal and the right way up. Whatever. All our problems and prejudice were something that happened in the past and isn’t it whizzy that everything’s shiny now?

But I keep coming back to the stats.

If there are twenty submissive men for every dominant woman – where are the other 19 women?

19 out of every twenty dominant women aren’t happy or comfortable with femdom as an identity or a place to live. That’s a lot.

That’s 95%.

95% of dominant women aren’t comfortable in femdom. Are being shut out of there own sexual culture.

Maybe there’s more to this than individual acts between individuals?

And I can’t pretend it’s all okay. Something is very wrong here. I’m sorry if your kink got in my way but, really, what would you do it you were me?

And that’s why I have this sledgehammer.

And I’m reading it and thinking how fucking annoying it is. And then I remember – oh yuh, this is why I started Bitchy Jones’s Diary. Maybe I should write about it.

And you know, I see this kind of stuff all the time on prodom’s paysite-enticement splash-pages – but this is presented as education (although what it is teaching is not clear.) And this is not okay. This is not education. It is lies and confusion and CAPSLOCK.

I have very, very grey opinions of the people who are held aloft as kink spokespersons anyway. But everyone’s heard of Gloria Brame and her PhD and her book. These articles aren’t by her, but they are on her site as a resource. There is a ‘not my opinions‘ disclaimer – but, oh damn, look at this stuff.

Or don’t. Don’t read the whole thing. It’s every value of stupid.

It’s by someone called Domina Zan Misery (yes, really) and someone else is involved called The Marquesa. God damn – I really could not have made that one up. MISTRESS LASH is the limit of my satire skills. The Marquesa? Fuckshit. Is the phrase ‘Kill me now‘ overused yet? Kill me now.

The first article (there are two – we’re spoiled) is called

EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT PROFESSIONAL DOMINATION
by Domina Zan Misery

And part one is called

EXPLAINING THE DOMINA’S ALLURE

Oh. The allure. Yes, what is it that attracts submissive men to dominant women? Please enlighten me. It is so fucking mysterious.

Of course a gorgeous latex clad Woman towering over you in six inch heels may bring you to your knees with Her beauty

Oh, okay. This stuff.

There are apparently 8 types of SM/Fetish Fantasy. Good to know.

Bondage, Discipline, Training , Crossdressing, Infantilism, Role-play scenarios (including Medical Scenes), Torture, and Body Worship (Non-oral-genital.)

It’s as clean cut as that. And no one needs to worry if torture really needs its own category or if cross dressing or infantilism might in fact be *kinds* of role play. Or if, you know, it might *all* be kinds of role play. ‘Cause, you know, it isn’t *real*. It is all pretending.

And why is infantilism on this list. Sure, it exists. It’s a weird fetish. But this isn’t a list of weird fetishes this is a list of the 8 kinds of BDSM. Is one eighth of BDSM infantilism? That seems, well, unlikely.

The Marquesa, and I, Domina Zan Misery, are Professional Dominatrices , Sensual Sadists, and Lifestyle Mistresses.

It’s rare to get so much that is so wrong combined in one sentence – but that there is a masterwork. Where to begin: Marquesa! Domina! Dominatrices! Lifestyle Mistresses! (What even is that? Do you never drop the bitch-face? Who would really want to be a Lifestyle Mistress? Especially as it’s your job too. Take a day off once in a while, Chuckles. Wear some comfy shoes.)

“Green Mistress”, means, ‘Please continue exactly what You are doing, it feels great.’

Green, Mistress! That is just funny. Sorry it is. Also, what is wrong with saying ‘Oh my god that feels great.‘ I know a little bit of play with codes is sometimes good for role play, but saying ‘green, mistress‘ instead of saying ‘Uh. Fuck.’ Well, cuh.

Both the Dominant and the submissive can use safewords. If the masochist loses the ability to judge their safety in the heat of a whipping scene, the Sadist must recognise when to call “Yellow”.

Or you could just stop doing the whipping. You know, just a thought, rather than start talking on code to someone who’s gone a bit wah-wah.

I’m not the best person to talk to about safe words. (I think Jack has just noticed he doesn’t have one.) But surely a dom doesn’t need to use her own safe word to make herself stop whipping someone. That is lunar-crazy.

Mistress Poison has a client who has a fetish for rubber rain boots, and a raincoat on the Mistress.

Mistress Poison? Nice. Classy.

There are four types of bondage; Hard, Soft, Humiliating, and self-restraint

Another list. Great. Four types of bondage, you say? Glad that is clear.

And apparently Forced Feminisation comes under humiliating bondage. Um, what? Could you clarify what the fuck you are talking about.

Humiliating bondage often includes “forced” feminization with the sub being restrained with a corset, high heels, a wig and makeup. (Dominas in corsets and thigh-high lace-up stiletto boots are also in bondage, but are not humiliated. I can get uncomfortable in heels after a few hours, but I feel and look very powerful when I am wearing my fetish gear.

Huh? Dominoes *are* in bondage, but are *not* humiliated. Oh noes, ’cause getting paid for doing slutty goth dress up is *in* *no* *way* humiliating.

And, for serious, the point where she starts talking about how she switches in real life whilst still using the fucking CAPSLOCK PROTOCOL!

One of my favourite thing about switching and switches is that they defuse all that *crap* about dominant people and submissive people actually being different *kinds* of people, to the extend that they language needs to be reformed to reflect this. But I guess that is lost on Chuckles.

Ah, now the hitting men with stuff section. Ooh, apparently some stuff goes thump and some goes sting. If Bitchy Jones is wielding it, it often goes ‘oh, fuck, hang on darling, that one doesn’t count‘ – but let’s not dwell on my failings. We’d be here forever. Anyway – let’s talk about other people’s failings. It’s more fun.

Marks, scarring, or bleeding is optional

Yeah, er, Chuckles? It’s actually *all* optional. You know that SSC thing you keep trotting out. Um, yeah.

Then there’s training. It gets a bit surreal here. There are, apparently 7 types of ‘training’

There are (mainly) 7 different training methods; submissive, maid, slave, slut, toilet, dog or equestrian training.

That list, of course, isn’t arbitrary at all (why is ‘submissive‘ separate? is ‘dog and equestrian‘ one or two? Why not ‘canine and equestrian‘ or ‘dog and horse‘? Asshat).

And I’m not at all sad that she missed out my favourites: pig boy training, hole-digging training and pirate training.

Really, the world needs more submissive pirates.

Luckily ’submissive’ training does include being training how to run a bath for Mistress. Yes. Trained!

1. Turn on taps
2. When bath is full, turn off taps

Slut training is simply being a shameless, vulgar harlot. It often means throwing your ego out the window and being a complete trollop. This includes body language, clothing, makeup, and sexual knowledge. Most slut training involves men crossdressing as whores and behaving as such.

Arrrgh! Just WTF? Also, crossdressing as *whores*? Does Chuckles not see the fucking irony in this? Seriously, why don’t you just refine the process right down and have the guy humiliate himself by dressing up as a prodom and performing whatever ridiculous outré sexual services his mistress role playing as a “client” can dream up and present as submission. Fuck’s sake!

For the extremely perverse; ‘Roman Showers’, are to be gifted with your Mistress’s vomit.

Okay, sure, this is rare and we’ll stay away from the sheer ew, gross, WTF and instead ask, How submissive is it really to pay another person to throw up for your kinky indulgence?

Some people enjoy training because they need very strict rules on how to live, and have difficulty with self- discipline

Oh please, submissives have trouble with self discipline. Oh fuck! I fucking hate that shit. Yez, subs are weak and need glorious doms to tell them how to live ’cause they don’t have no brains in their pretty ickle heads.

Fuck you. Seriously. Fuck you with a glass ladle.

As a Professional Dominatrix, I can torture someone quite safely and consensually.

Of course, as am amdom, I am both dangerous and a rapist.

Many of My clients crave extreme pain. Being a Sadist, I enjoy giving it to them… Many drops of hot wax followed by a bucket of ice-cold water can be fun, too.

Whee! Sadism is fun

Some people like to “live on the edge”, and this can be done safely with a Professional Dominatrix.

Or, you know, dangerously with me. Also, on the edge of what? Sanity?

A few Dominatrices allow their clientele the intimacy of “oral servitude”. Myself, and any other Dominas affiliated with the Labyrinth do not service our clients with oral-genital skin-to-skin “body worship”. We permit our gentlemen to adore our spiritual presence and physical body in a manner which is clean, legal, safe, and in keeping with the proper etiquette of a Mistress/submissive relationship.

Ack, so, okay. Skin-to-skin contact is not “in keeping” with the proper etiquette of a Mistress/submissive relationship. Shit.

And to accentuate this point there is then another whole article about whether or not prodoms should have sex with their clients. Not, seems to be the conclusion.

I thought that was just a legal reach around. Not that I know. I have never sat down and looked into the legalities of prodommery. I haven’t looked into the legalities of lion taming either. Not lately.

There is some crap about the legals. And some more crap about not catching STDs. You know who else says don’t have sex because sex is so disease ridden?

But then:

The biggest reason to not have an intimate sexual Dominant/submissive relationship, is because such an interaction is fundamentally against the principals of a Dominant Woman’s and a submissive males’ exchange of power. Professional Doms are the Untouchable Goddess to sub. males.( The literal meaning of the term “Dominatrix” is Queen.)

Firstly, Dominatrix doesn’t mean queen. That hasn’t become true since you last said it.

Secondly, fuck you. Why don’t I get the sex? I am too superior for sex! That fucking sucks!

There is a whole thing around dominant women not having sex, or kissing, or being sexual, or alive, or fired by real passion. And that stuff comes from pros – and pros put it about to get around providing dick-stiffening services that are not sex oh noes.

And that’s what annoys me, the whole blithe fucking it up for the rest of us.

I don’t really care how you make a living. I happen think sex is nice and I like giving it away. It makes me happy. I got my sexay for free. I pass it on. But I do believe people own their own bodies and can do what they like with them – up to the point where they start screwing up other people lives.

Then they ought to stop.

By the nature of sex, men cannot look up to a Woman who lowers Herself to his level for physical sexual gratification. Men equate sex with power and penetration, and Women generally equate sex with vulnerability and emotional and physical surrender, by the fact that men put their penises inside a Woman’s vagina (or mouth, or anus) and inside Her body. A man naturally feels he has to be in control in most sexual exchanges, and if a man is truly submissive, he should want to give the power and control to a Superior Dominant Woman.

That Bitchy Jones, she’s so mean to poor defenceless prodoms. Prodoms have no power or say and WTF have they ever done to her?

Fuckshitasshatcrap

But this story is mostly about me. And it is also a good illustration of where the fuck all the dom women are. Because even though I *am* here, I do understand the mind set that leads women to have fantasies about being sexually dominant and not to act on them in any way because they do not fit into the prevailing ideology of the femdom.

Jack sent me an email. Our relationship is really mostly on email. Because we live in different cities and I am busy, busy with work. (actual non-sex-related work – ‘cause I do that. I’m kind of eccentric.) I’m working weekends and everything – it’s quite silly. If you wonder why I’m online such a lot – that’s why. Me and Jack’s second date isn’t going to be until 1st Sep.

So, email. Jack wrote me an email. I forget what about. Something. Nothing. And at the end he says something like, I am sorry this email contains no exciting promises to suffer just to make you wet. Here.

I promise to suffer for you, just to make you wet.

That’s nice, isn’t it? A nice line. So I write back. That was nice. That’s the kind of line I’d like to have you write out 100 times.

I kink for that, see. For the guy writing lines. Not in a role play. Just as is. It’s a kind of begging thing really. And a word thing. And a punitive achy hand thing. In my masturbatory fantasies he is often writing stuff like please don’t hurt me over and over.

Please have mercy.

He’s often tied. Maybe already quite sore from something. I am not so arse fixated – but I do like it hurting to sit down sometimes. Maybe his dominant hand is cuffed behind his back. Maybe he’s having to write cack-handed with a pen he has to dip into an inkwell. He has a time limit which is completely unachievable. Sometimes he’s writing to try and avoid imprisonment as well as pain. Locked up starvation is all too popular with me.

Maybe he’s achy-crampy and trying to write enough lines fast enough to avoid going back in that cage he can’t sit down in.

Anyway I vaguely say all this to Jack and link him to this, which I had seen earlier that day and found stupid-hot. I don’t know much about this guy’s blog, it seems abandoned and there is nothing else I find hot on there – but writing lines just fucking does it for me.

And then Jack went quiet.

See I have fantasies I have never acted on because I just assumed no guy would find them hot.

No guy would really write lines for me. I am no way beautiful enough to demand whatever I want. Best not to ask. It would only be awkward when he said, ‘god, no. Where’s the fun for me in that?’

So I just left it. A man writing desperate lines, with his achey unfavoured hand. I masturbated to it. Never really mentioned it to anyone. Not until I saw that blog and then had it in mind when I was talking to Jack. And I never *asked* Jack to do it. Just said that I would find it fucking hot if he did.

I may have said, while chatting to Jack, that if I talked about a man writing lines anymore I would have to go and masturbate – but that is as direct as I really got.

Not saying I didn’t know what I was doing. I am not coy. Just that I couldn’t put myself in a position where he could tell me no.

About half and hour later Jack emails me. Here.

And attached are pictures. Lots of pictures. Close up and long shots showing the pages full. Long hand. Over and over. Those words.

I promise to suffer for you, just to make you wet.

100 times.

God. All those words and I was speechless.

I didn’t try and enact my fantasy before because I assumed it didn’t have a place in femdom. It didn’t fit. That’s a little picture.

Here’s a big picture.

I think a lot of women feel that way about their entire urge to dominate men.

Women have fantasies about dominating men all the time.

But very broadly, female sexual fantasy is a lot more quirky and untidy and emotional and story-driven than male fantasy. And it has a lot less rubber dolls in it. Exactly *not* what is presented to them as femdom.

Women’s fantasies of femdom don’t fit the femdom they are offered. So no deal. They don’t fit the crappy, horrendous, do-it-for-money-not-for-you model so they choose – what else is there? – vanilla. In fact, I think they choose vanilla because if you are a domabe woman with any self respect, a strong-woman in a vanilla world type lifestyle is probably a better fit for your self-image than the dismal non-con humiliation of watching as the femdom corporation kick your desires to shreds for their personal private profit every damn day.

And that is why I started my blog. To get some of those women back.

That’s my big idea. Create this chink of a world where femdom looks different. It’s just a chink, but a few women will get in this way. And they will make this hole in the world bigger and bigger.

And eventually – I know it will take ages – all the women who *want*, deep down inside, to be hitting men with stuff will be happy doing it, instead of just closing their eyes and wishing they were.

And all the male subs will have nice non-ass-hat girlfriends. So they’ll be happy too.

So come the revolution everyone will be happy. Well except a few manky old prodoms who will find there is much less need for they’re spanky services now there are a bunch of women out and happy who actually *enjoy* spanking men so much they do it for free. (Imagine! For free. Mistress Whap, can you imagine loving being cruel and mean to men *so* *much* you’d do it for no money?)

Yeah, so the poor pros might have to sell their ‘full fetish wardrobes’ to buy food and lipstick and botox.

I know, I know, it is so rare to find a solution to a problem that has no downside!

But here’s the end of my story. Back to the little picture. After I’d masturbated over those pictures Jack sent me ten thousand times I told him all about how I thought no man would ever want to do that for me.

He said, ‘Well, look, in future, if you want to do anything and you are worried I won’t find it hot, just ask me. I’ll find a way to eroticise it. And if I can’t, you know, I’ll just do it anyway.’

Sometimes I shout at submissive men (you might have noticed). Sometimes I tell them to make everything better. Sometimes I say that they have the money, the power, the hard bodies that they could stop spoiling with frillies. They could fix everything.

And I still say do it, you dirty sexy studs. Go on – fix femdom for me. I’ll slap you round the face later. Promise.

Anyway, sometimes – after one of my informative lectures of this nature – one of my creative consultants comes up to me afterwards to put a towel round my neck and hold a bucket for me to spit into and says,

- That was great, Beej, but next round you have to spank the women?
- I don’t spank women anymore. They don’t have nice scratchy faces. Oh, baby, I love them scratchy faces… And erections…
- Yeah, but, hang on, stop thinking about erections for a minute, Beej. Focus. You know what I mean. Spank the women.
- Yeah, okay, but I do, but I spank the prodoms all the time. I have a specially big stick for them. They love it.
- Yeah, Beej, we’ve kind of noticed you spank prodoms a bit, in fact we’ve been worrying if there might be some kind of Freudian…, forget that, look, don’t you think it’s time to spank the amateurs?
- What the lifestylers? The natural dominant women? The bitches who give it away for free? The unicorns?
- Yeah
- You’re so right. Those bitches have got it coming.

For serious, what’s up with dominant women? I don’t mean me, of course, I’m perfectly splendid. I mean the rest of you.

One day, talking to a famous, gorgeous celebrity-submissive man I know, I said, ‘god, I’m glad I don’t date dominant women, there are only, like, three sane ones.’

And he said, ‘there are three, are you sure?’

I may have counted myself twice. And I’m not even sure if that was an entirely fair assessment.

Look around you. Oh god, dominant women make me so depressed.

Pompous self-important fucking, eurgh. Seriously if there is one thing, just one, I could wipe out of femdom forever it wouldn’t be feminisation or strap ons or the beauty myth, it would be pompous fucking female dominasties. Really and truly. Skin. Crawl.

It’s just fucking embarrassing.

I know that when men say to me, ‘god, you’re so hot’, what they actually mean is ‘god, you’re a dominant woman who does not at first glance appear to be a batshit insane, manipulative, exploitative, ego maniacal bitch’.

I was never a pretty girl. I did not learn to deal with male attention when I was young. I started being a dominant woman when I was about 23. Suddenly having sexual cache when your ideas of your sexual value (and, really, your complete worth as a woman at that age) seemed pretty fixed – is odd.

This kind of male attention, undeserved, unexpected can be hard to deal with without going a little mad. Without becoming a little strange. Personally I think that is why a lot of dom women are a little, um, well, you know, the way they are. Suddenly getting a bunch of attention and nummies you never worked for can make anyone go a little crackpot dictator.

But the thing about free nummies, is that they come in a bundle with the fear that they are going to be taken away someday.

Dominant woman practically clad in armor of fucking arrogance. Never admitting any weakness, never being wrong or foolish or silly or wanting a super-hard super-long fuck that makes them all wet with sweat and noodle-floppy.

Calling themselves ridiculous best-in-show type names like lady and princess and goddess and flip-chart.

Seriously, we can use the mandom-normality-gauge for this one. Is femdom stupid? – convert it into mandom and have a look: A male dom calling himself Lord Geoffrey, or Prince Raymond or God Percy. Would that be stupid. Yes it would. See? We’re being stupid.

Stupid and arrogant and pompous and eurgh. Like we’re so fucking special.

Not just ordinary women. (‘Cause – ew, how could them bitches enslave men?)

I hate the fucking uber-femininity. Of it. The fucking corsetry. Or, really, the dragged-up pastichey femininity. I hate the fucking mystique. After the fake hair and fake tits and fake sexualities of the pros this is the second female stereotype of femdom. The sensitive dom. The *sensual* woman. Sorry. Not woman. The *lady*.

Princess, Goddess, Lady. It’s never gender neutral is it?

I get that it’s a reaction in a way. A reaction to the stupid fucking prodom shit. It’s a way of not being the sneery, dreary, never cheery cardboard cut out Miss Pain. Or it’s a reaction to the idea that mandom is the norm. Or that violence is male. Either way, can we say ‘over compensating’?

Also too many dom women over emphasise their femininity because deep down they think being sexually dom isn’t very feminine thing to do.

You know what I mean…But, just, please no with the goddessesiness and the gauze and the candles (we have electricity now, candles are for one thing and one thing only and you *know* what that is – get a fucking dimmer switch and stop being a hazard) and the tinkly wind chimey mysteriousity. It’s women hitting men with stuff. It’s not a Meatloaf video.

I hit men to get off but I can still be a lady. I hate the word lady. And I really hate the word ’sensual’ too ’cause like who isn’t sensual? A deaf, blind anosmiac who has no taste or nerve endings?

But it doesn’t end there with the fucked-up-ness of dominant women, does it?

Uber-femme. Arrogant femininity like a super power is first…

… And then they get hold of the shift key. And next thing you know they’re just a bash of the caps lock away from this. Again, I do satire.

There is no excuse for inventing a form of grammar to try and make out you (or – even worse – your entire gender) are *actually* *superior* to other people, rather than just being turned on by pretending you are while fucking.

We don’t need this shit. We don’t need to be anything more than men and women wired for fun. She’s just an ordinary woman – not a jet powered goddess – he’s just and ordinary man – not a pathetic bag of shit-eating slime.

A man can get on his knees in front of a woman. No previous purchase required. Just that. Just them. Why is this so scary?

Me? I’m a real woman – not a semi-mythical creature. Me. As is. There is nothing particularly special or exotic about me. I don’t float six inches above the ground. And I love real men. You know, other humans. Made of flesh and full of fucked up desires. Just like me. Just as strange as I am.

I’m tired of this shame spiralling. I’m tired of us not treating each other right. If we can’t accept that no matter how sexy inequity is we need to discuss things as equals outside of the fuckabout. We need to strip it down to the humanity.

What do you really think? Deep down. Is a dom’s life worth more than a sub’s?

Down from the pedestals, out of the gutter. If we want equality. If we want femdom to be equal with mandom, if we want kink to be equal with vanilla, whatever… we’ve got to stop acting like pompous tits and worthless gits.

Deep breath – this is big – here is my message to all dominant women: Being turned on by being superior is not the same as actually *being* superior.

IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDER-FUCKING-STAND?

That makes me happy. Happy mashed up with all kinds of other stuff. I’m a bad person stuff. I love that film. I’ve been thinking about it all day. And it’s made me happy all day. Apart from when it’s made me wonder who the fuck I think I am that I would ask that of someone so good and real.

But good, mostly. And other good things include

*This*: why I love Maymay (or one reason, at least)
*This*: my favourite covetable object right now. (Um, Jack?)
*This*: the hottest hot thing on teh intrezwebxz (click water torture box)
*This*: the world’s most confusing prodom. (Seriously, if you like prodoms in collars, you have to see this.)

Cuh! You know, really, I have had my fat arse kicked around the internet recently for daring to suggest that some prodoms might be pretending to be fearsome sadistic dominasties for the cash back. (No! For shame!) I don’t think I *did* say that, but god, I don’t *have* to. I rather think it is not me that is to blame for that one getting out.

Ah, but let’s move on to something nicer than The Royal Femdom Theatre Company.

A while ago this proved rather popular. And while I don’t have another one of those, I do have something else rather jolly.

It is not quite so throbbing with delightful-tragic-romance and the woman is not an aspirational self insertion target. (Not that I wouldn’t want to be her. I’d just dress down somewhat.) And she is dominating them by force rather than the worship of her and her very odd outfit.

But we will forgive it its bad things because it has much to recommend it. Or, at least, it has chained up man with facial injuries to recommend it. Which more or less amounts to the same thing.

But of course, here is where I smile sagely at you and you realise I am already three laps ahead. Submission is heroic. More than that *all* heroes are submissives. All heroism is submission. They are the same thing. Superheroes might as well be called super-submissives the way they carry on with their self sacrifice and their getting tortured so often anyone would think they had it written into their contracts.

(And you know, deep down in the irrelevance retaining database I like to call a brain I am sure there is some connection between Eric Stanton (who I like a lot more than you probably would expect me to) and – I think – Spiderman that would make me seem awfully well informed if I could remember what it was.

(Ah! Of course Wikipedia has now superseded actual remembering of anything ever.))

But the point is simply this. Male submission and the archetypal heroic narrative are basically interchangeable. But somehow submissive men (and, I guess, a lot of people in general) seemed to have been tricked into thinking submission is basically feminine; that submissive men need to create feminine personas to make their submission make sense, get I touch with their feminine sides.

Which is bollocks.

Male submission is not female submission. Does not need to be. And the thing about female submission is that it is so fucking everywhere. Draped about the place. I see about twenty trillion-gazillion pictures of women tied up every day just surfing about. And I am not going *looking* for distressed damsels. I am not surfing porn sites. I just surf sex blogs and kinky community sites – where usually the first thing that seems to have been done for this ‘community’ is to assume everyone is a male dom. I don’t know about you, but I really do find that very welcoming and community-y.

Tied up women are like the default image for kink. Oh yeah, you’re kinky, you’ll be wanting some pictures of tied up women then.

But, hey, don’t be disheartened, because sometimes, for extra fun in amongst all the tied women pics their might be a picture of a woman doing some tying! Yay! Tying up another women! Um…

Why? Why!? WHY!?

Homophobia/misogyny/heterosexism/patriarchy, darling, that’s why. Here’s the shitty little deal. In kink porn everyone looks at the sub. They are the ones with the fancy bondage and the pained expressions and the fireworks up their arses. If you’re a dom you look at the sub and imagine you’re topping them, if you’re a sub you look at the sub and imagine you *are* them. Everyone’s gaze falls naturally onto the sub. Now, here’s where everyone comes unstuck trying to make F/m porn. No pornographer on the face of the earth can get his pretty little head around making porn where we naturally look at the man rather than the woman. Therefore (stay with me) it is actually completely *impossible* to make F/m porn.

So they hardly bother. (And when they do the point of focus tends to go a bit wangy.)

Instead they mostly make F/f instead for femdom, ’cause that’s kind of the same (if you ignore me and anyone like me) and then you have dom woman stuff but – wahey – the sub is a woman and we are all looking at a woman and – phew! – heterosexuality (that delicate flower) has been saved once again from the ravages of men looking at other men and feeling slightly aroused.

(Psst – Tell you what, girls, we’ll file all the naked men under gay porn. You can go there and the straight guys will know not to look at that. That okay? I mean, it’s not offensive or anything to mark all porn featuring men as homoerotic. Like women don’t fucking exist as viewers. Fuck. As if women’s only role is to be *in* the porn. You utter cunts. God, sometimes, I really do hate everything in this misogynistic wankfest that calls itself beedeeessem)

And, of course, I am only complaining about this because I forgot for one tiny moment that in the big wide world of kink, dom women are rare and special and precious to the point of being the completely fucking irrelevant to everything underclass of kink. (The automatic revolving door for dom women is just there on your left, btw.)

But, you know, what with that being the situation – with so much femdom porn being full of F/f – who is surprised if male submissives have got confused and ended up thinking that, oh, if I want to get tied up, I better do a bit of gender fuckery.

Hold it right there, mister.

Because what you’re about to do. It makes no sense. Forget the fact that 90% of the images you see of dom women are of them tying up other women – that doesn’t mean a fucking thing about your submission. You don’t need to feminise yourself to submit – outside or in. That isn’t what submission is. That isn’t a more acceptable face of submission that you can wear to avoid being gimpy boy.

Also, you try and submit like a woman and it ends up making no fucking sense.

Witness the difference between male doms dressing their subs in slutty lingerie and female doms doing the same. With Mr Sir the expectation is that he is clearly making his girl wear hooker-wear because it gets his dick hard. Hooker-wear does indeed get men’s dicks hard – that kind of being the point of why hookers wear it. But when a woman humiliates her man with same slut-o-wear how is her sexuality being served?

Men, if you want to dress like a slut, (i.e you want to dress like your desperate screaming need for sexual humiliation overwhelms and degrades you – and really, please do) dress like a man-slut, damnit. Wear a white jockstrap and big black boots and a collar and shave your head and get some bits of metal slammed through your strategic points of interest. Yeah, you will look kinda gay. That is because gay men know how to sexualise men. In fact, if you look gay you’re doing it right.

Male submission is a masculine thing. You don’t need to be anything but you. And you know that thing you have between your legs that gets hard and demonstrates very visibly (and sometimes wetly) that you are aroused by your degradation. Yeah, that. Oh, baby – you had me at hello.

But joysticks aside, male subs are heroes. Everything we are ever told about good wholesome pure beautiful masculinity – everything women are taught to fall in love with about men – is right their in the bloody beating heart of male submission.

There isn’t a story of heroism ever told where the hero wasn’t a gorgeous fucking male submissive. And I’m going to fucking prove it.

The only difference between male submissives and every hero of every story is the part where the woman gets turned on by what my hero does. Because, as we know the part of every story where the man gets tortured and the woman gets wet has been erased in case male submissives find out we exist and start feeling okay about themselves. This would, unfortunately, destroy the world faster than China’s industrialisation.

Submissive men are heroes. Every time they take off their clothes. Which they should do both frequently and often.

Look, Prometheus stole fire for humans and was, in retaliation, tortured daily for 30,000 years (sm). Atlas holds up the fucking sky on his shoulders (predicament bondage).

And then there’s Jesus Christ. Where to begin? Sacrifice? Submission? Dying for all our sins? Nails? Hot jewish guy in pain and mostly naked? My god, my god, why have you forsaken me? He safewords on the cross! I fucking loved Sunday school.

Do you see what page I’m on? Every story of heroism. From then to now.

Dr Jack says to the evil ‘others’ in Lost – let my friends go and you can do what you want with me.

Angel goes back to fight in the Ring even when he could walk free because he can’t leave the other demons to their fate.

Goddamnit, Indy, where doesn’t it hurt?

And Elizabeth has covered Jack Bauer in detail. (She’s an inspiration – that woman.)

Oh yes, men suffering, every hero. It’s not that big a step from here to men locked in CBs, tied up in stress positions, clamped and weighted, begging for the strap, the cane, the gag, hurt and cut and burned and bruised and sweating. Kissing me with his face covered in blood and piss (-mine and his one day, his and mine another). Because that is it. It. That is why this stuff is so delicious like molten sugar and gold. What man doesn’t want to show what a man he is? Does what to demonstrate his machismo *like* *this*?

Male submission has a big image problem. Because how else are women failing to go nuts over men who are brave and gorgeous and fucked up and bloody when they clearly love it everywhere else but kink. Hard and hurting and desperate to prove how deep his love goes?

And the images we use to represent kink might have something to do with that