Some Kind of Climax

So, I guess it’s clear I’m not really updating anymore. There’s no big reason why… except, well, I’ve said it. I said it all, and then I kept talking quite a while after that.

In fact, I often think, I said it all within the first six months.

And although I could go on reiterating the same things because it’s not like this stuff is *fixed* now, or anything. (Apparently kink dot com have changed the name of Men in Pain to Divine Bitches, but we all knew that was coming. It was some kind of anomaly all along that a perversion porn site was called the name of what I like rather than what he likes. And the what he likes being a kind of she that is not me but in fact some kind of unreal dehumanised… see, I could go on. Maybe I should. I won’t.)

Kink’s broken. I hate it. I don’t really want to play. Something inside me does, but that something is trapped inside the meat of me that hates all this fucking pornified, PVC clad, patriarchy eroticising bullshit that stifles everything and anything good that kink could ever be. It is the enemy of any kind of creative artistic freedom and that’s a sad, sad thing, because it could be the opposite of that.

I’m more delicate than you know. More broken. More weak. I can’t keep trying to put these pieces together anymore. Not with so many people trampling over them in their boots. And I wouldn’t be the first, you know, to say it’s too hard, to say it’s not worth it…

No. It’s not all sad. Despite my penchant for the melodrama. This blog made an impact. A far bigger one than I ever dreamed. Most people in SM know about what I’ve said, the arguments I’ve made. They may not have changed their behaviour one bit but most kinky people understand what the Bitchy Jones view of femdom is. And that’s wild and out there now. And you can’t put the lube back in the tube.

People still email me – and I like, so do that – to tell me that this blog helped them, changed their views, explained their sexuality. That’s nice. You’re welcome.

I’m happy with what I did. There’s a little crack now that wasn’t there before. And maybe that’s enough. Keep me alive. Link to me and talk about me and that’s all it needs.

(Housekeeping: I’ll still respond to comments and emails now and then and I’ll tidy the site up and fix some kind of index over the next few months. I might write something else, but it could be a while. There are a couple of posts I promised and may finish, but regular blogging, no. Not here, anyway.)

THE END (you may now commence wild applause)


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64 responses to “Some Kind of Climax

  1. Ella

    You will be missed, but what’s right for you is right for you. I hope kink gets a bit better in the meantime… So many more people are switched onto trying to make it better now that I can’t help but hope :)

    Thank you for everything (even the bits I disagreed with sometimes)! You made me think and question and care. Thank you.

  2. And I’d only just found you! X

  3. You rocked my world, Bitchy Jones. Still do.

    Much respect, affection, and well-wishing.

  4. meredith

    I want to second that.
    You rock my world in the way that only awesome smarts and amazing writing can. I won’t be forgetting you.
    respect, affection, well-wishes – in bucket loads.

  5. Carol the longwinded

    I hope you keep blogging about your crafting somewhere (and let us know where.) I love your writing.

  6. I’m sorry you’re bringing this to an end. I only just discovered it. I love your writing style, and you made me as a gay man think about issues that I haven’t had to explore before.

    But maybe I can offer some hope, drawn straight from the gay experience. As you know, for decades, gay men and lesbians were driven underground, told that their sexuality was wrong, broken, and deviant. Gay men were forced to hide as straight men and made to feel profoundly broken just for being different. But in the end (insofar as anything ends), we won. We kept fucking the guys we wanted to fuck, and started insisting that the way everyone looked at us was wrong, and we’ve won. We’ve forced society to accept us, and we carved a space for ourselves in the world. And we are profoundly indebted to the pre-Stonewall trailblazers, the ones who stuck their necks out in the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis and risked arrest and ridicule to start the process of carving out a space for ourselves.

    So maybe femdom is broken, Bitchy (not being into femdom, I can’t personally say, but your arguments make a whole lot of sense). But if people like you keep making these arguments, things will come around. You and your sisters will carve out a new kind of femdom, one that represents a more authentic female dominant sexuality. Will there still be commercial plastic femdoms out there? Sure, but there’s a ton of faux lesbianism out there too, and it hasn’t stopped real dykes from doing their thing or each other. Maybe your Queendom of Pain will be a long time in coming; maybe you’re femdom’s Mattachine Society, some sort of precursor to the real thing. But if you and others like you keep making these arguments, they will find a fertile field eventually. Real deviant sexuality is like water–it can’t be contained forever; it always erodes boundaries and breaks rules and seeps where it wants to.

    You’re not broken, Bitchy. You’re just tired of fighting the dominant paradigm. Get some rest, flog some hot guys, and let the prodoms go fuck themselves (since they won’t fuck their subs), and eventually you’ll find your voice again.

  7. TXVoyagerJ

    *wild applause*

  8. What everyone else said – especially Sebastian.

    This blog shook things up, and its very existence means it will continue to do so: that’s a wonderful thing, and I hope you’re proud of that.

    Be well, stay strong, take care of yourself. xx

  9. Dan

    I don’t really know how to make this short so I won’t try. I don’t have that efficiency with language that allows you to reach into a steaming pile of muck and tear truth out by the ears. In fact I often rely on sifting through the works of Randal Munroe ( to find a best fit for an idea or feeling that might need expressing. I know his work embarrassingly well. I recite his web comics at parties. Explain the positions of the characters, what their saying. After I’ve had a few drinks I even start experimenting with pauses, inflections, even accents that might belong to the stick figures. I respond to blank expressions this produces with “no, no, no, this is really funny and important because…”. When I first read your blog, the comic that slammed into my mind was this one . Not because you are wrong, about anything. Somebody was right. Somebody was right. Somebody was fucking right! Somebody on the internet. Right about everything.

    I mostly never commented after your blogs because it seemed a little lame to simply write the word “exactly”. I did often catch myself saying yes out loud as I read. Or bouncing up and down on my seat. Or having to pace. Or simply sighing, reading to the end and resisting the urge to type “exactly”.

    You are exactly right. Kink is broken. You are also right that the sadness of this can be measured in the devastating distance from just how different it could have been. Fuck ever is sex and power hot! Why twist it all into the exact opposite? Especially femdom. Especially the dynamic between a dominant woman and a submissive man. Why make it into a joke? Even in the BDSM community the idea of a woman holding power over a man is a fucking joke! I hate it.

    Even in the BDSM community.

    A community that refuses to evolve from 1970’s because it’s still so caught up in itself and just how liberating it is to know that hurting and being hurt is Ok. Well, Ok if it’s gender appropriate, and if you dressed properly, and if you are observing a particular protocol, and … well fuckity shit I guess I could go on too.

    I think you probably have said everything. I could have kept reading forever though. It didn’t get old to me. Your words are brilliant and move with a beautiful rhythm. I loved reading the same ideas recast. It felt like momentum. I will dearly miss you writing.

    You have put a crack where there was not one before. Well done and thank you.

  10. Nortiman

    Hi Bitchy
    Sorry to see tht you’re hanging up your blog. I’m not into BDSM but I always found your blog highly entertaining and though provoking.
    You certainly got your point across even if it was mostly ignored due to commercial pressures in the kink community. As you say, you’ve said it all and then some.
    I certainly wish you well in your life. I don’t think you’re broken or weak. You’ve just run out of new things to say.
    Have all the fun you seek from your kink and sex, It’s been lovely reading your ideas.

  11. Imp Lee

    You know, your blog was one of the first that I found when I was just starting to delve into the wonderful world of kink blogs (actually, the very first readable one. Which was immensely irritating, since I was looking for blogs by female subs, but hey…). It gave me a brilliant counter to the crap that I was reading elsewhere, and trying to resist absorbing while I was working out my own sexuality, so you have my endless gratitude for that.

    I’m sorry you’ll be stopping writing – you’ve been a breath of fresh air and outright sadism. Best of luck in the future.

  12. Dave

    Sorry to see you go too. I think what happened is what happens to all bloggers; you just find yourself repeating yourself, and, even though you get feedback, you’re still talking to yourself. It happens to journalists too, but as they get paid, it doesn’t bother them the same way.

    So, take a break. Start another blog about something else, if you want.

    Or, of course, write a book. :-p

  13. BJ. If your body was covered in mouths, and you lamented from dawn till dusk, you would still not belabour the point.

    You will be sadly missed.

  14. Well, I guess it’s good to leave it while people want more.

    And I suppose there may well be something else someday. Creative stuff is a huge part of me and I’ll always do it. I’m not planning to write about kink for a bit – but I guess I’ll come back to it someday. But the fact is it isn’t all that I am (it’s quite a small part really), which is yet another way in which the domlilady straight jacket don’t fit – and I have to express other things for a while.

    Thanks for all these comments. They mean a lot.

  15. Farina

    Never underestimate the impact you have made, especially on the people who claim to despise what you say. Lone voices in the BDSM community had been timidly saying what you’ve been saying here and there, but it wasn’t until you came along and put it all down so eloquently that it started to be a Zeitgeist and really make some people reflect on how, as you say, kink is broken and how we might fix it.

    I still want the Bitchy Jones book on my bookshelf.

  16. Damn! DAMH! Damn – and I came here for some cheering up after realising I’d been away for like forever :(

    But as I think I stopped relably blogging about the time you appeared I can’t complain especially as you did help me so much there at the beginning.


  17. littlesubmissions


  18. MJ

    oh I shall miss you!! What a breath of fresh (seriously funny) air you’ve been.
    I’ll be keeping this link in my favourites and going back now and again, for sure.
    I’ve stopped practising kink myself of late, but just reading a brief update makes the need twinge again. I’ll miss the regular infusions of femdom as I feel it ought to be.
    Much love and well wishes from Aotearoa xx

  19. This.

    You’re not broken, Bitchy. You’re just tired of fighting the dominant paradigm. Get some rest, flog some hot guys, and let the prodoms go fuck themselves (since they won’t fuck their subs), and eventually you’ll find your voice again.

    I’ve gotten tired. I’ve stopped writing for a while. I’m still here. So are you. And you don’t have to write on this blog to “still be here.”

    Thank you.

    P.S. One day, I’m coming to England. And England better get out of the way, because I want to see you. :)

  20. alphafemm

    You questioned the status quo and made a difference. For this you deserve the greatest praise.

  21. plainclotheshippy

    I’m a straight man who likes to be tied up and hit with stuff without unnecessary formalities. Thanks for saying what you said – it helped me go out and find what I wanted.

    Take care and good luck.

  22. I really wanted to thank you for giving me a bit more courage to speak my own mind. I see so many people who deny that they coddle their character flaws by claiming that their actions and “fantasies” have no bearing on the perpetuation of social inequities or their day to day attitudes and actions… (Because it’s a completely different brain doing it, right?) I’m the type of person who has to start fires to feel I’ve accomplished anything, since most people seem perfectly unaware their home is on fire until their bodies follow suit. It’s always too much to ask a person to actually analyze what they’re doing and what it says about them and their thought processes.

    As a non-sadistic woman who likes being dominant in absurd and jovial situations I tend to piss people off for not being the free Barbie-natrix they expect. Despite the fact I have a smaller waist and feet, large breasts and laugh a lot… It’s never at a small penis or how hilarious women’s underwear is, and I hate smoking. I have the audacity to wear flats in the presence of a man! Apparently I think too much and have too much of a sense of humor for a “dominant” woman. I’m supposed to be unhappy, thoughtless and enough of a skank to spit in my own house. And god forbid they know I have a few physical handicaps! Which apparently leaves me unqualified to explore my sexuality outside of being somebody’s broken doll-like pocket pussy… (Because we all know that people with physical disabilities shouldn’t be allowed to have consensual sex, power over their own lives or thoughts outside of to look more victimy next time.) We all know women and the handicapped are purely there to be used as masturbatory devices and don’t have feelings! How silly of me! In all seriousness, I have my sister to thank for introducing me to your writings, if it weren’t for you and her I wouldn’t have felt it was necessary to get my voice out there too, as small as it may be in proportion, and I am… angered by everything under the sun.

    The “kink” subculture seems to be fed so strongly by porn culture, which after working on a couple adult sites and calling quits… I can tell most anybody is so nauseatingly anti-sex I couldn’t begin to get it all down on paper. Once you reinforce social inequity and entitlement, and you’re able to equate other people as objects it makes it so much easier to market them and not have to change people’s minds. The negative view of sex they sell is deeply entangled with the type of views a fundamentalist who thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant hold; it’s just the fundamentalist in some rare cases may be able to keep his mouth closed about it long enough to let the teenage girl at the grocery store ring him up without making any advances. They say they stand against it, but their thoughts are one in the same.

    There are more who think in similar ways, and they’re starting to talk. We are a generation of women sold into slavery for the idea of a “sexual revolution” in which women are liberated to be blow-up dolls. It’s being louder about the same attitudes as before that “revolution”, just dressed in neater packaging. And using sex to sell social injustice makes it fun and easy! Particularly if you try to convince people the only type of “kink” or alternative is S&M, it’s risque, taboo and sells well! And it easily fits social inequity on its own if you tell people what’s “traditional.” Which if you don’t fit within those confines… Just harass them until they do or they never have any interest in even thinking about sex again. If you’re thing for tying people up doesn’t involve pain, degradation and using the real misfortunes of marginalized groups as your blueprint for the internal workings of you daily relationships you shouldn’t be allowed to think about “kinky” sex. It’s just not becoming for the community or sex culture.

    Wow! I did that paragraph without dropping some C, N and K bombs about “community” attitudes and standards about people who aren’t white guys. (Maybe I can be suitable for polite conversation… Naaaaah!)

    I could go on for years and I’m always angry, though. On so much more than even just this area of life. Our tools are broken, and we will never be able to use them if we are unwilling to learn how to repair them.

    Please forgive my incoherence, as my brain isn’t plotting things out so well right now. I suppose it’s back to my day of unwarranted self-importance… And seafood.

  23. *wild applause*

    Really. I found you last May and haven’t stopped thinking, arguing about, and being inspired by the things you’ve said since. Reading you was a major catalyst that set in motion my quitting the pro-domming business.

    I’m a switch, and just now, I’m starting to explore my dominant side for really reals, and wow, it’s scarier and hotter and more beautiful and dirty and awful than I ever dreamed. I want you to know that there are people out there who aren’t asshats, who aren’t porn clones and don’t expect you to be one, and who do this for real. I send you the fondest wishes for finding one worthy of you, and of whom you’ll be worthy.

    You’ll be missed.

  24. Take care.

    And thank you.


  25. femsup

    Just great to know you are still alive Bitchy.How many revolutionaries became dissilusioned because most people just couldn’t “see it”.

    Don’t worry mate others will catch you up and some will never get it.

    You nearly left on a high.Will await the book eagerly.You gave a promise and I know you will keep it.We should all give a promise to you to fix femdom/malsub just to give back all the loveliness you have given us.

  26. *cling*

    I’ll miss your wonderful turn of phrase but oh, yes, keeping the words alive, because I seem to find a reason I need to link someone to some part of this blog on a weekly basis, for kink-related reasons and others.

    This blog still deserves a publishing deal.

  27. Naja

    Thank you for the much needed injection of a well written and sane perspective. If it helps any, I’m oriented very much like you, and I’ve been active in the BDSM community for many years. I’ve always been loud and vocal about my preferences and beliefs about what works for me as a (genetically) female but genderbent dominant that is very far from the stereotypical sex-negative model of “femdom”, and I have for the most part always gotten the respect I demanded for my choices.

    I do personally feel comfortable being my badass, rough and tough, not conventionally pretty, aggressively sex-positive self at pansexual leather events. Less so at the primarily het-male-dom ones, where an asshat or two is bound to pop up to annoy real people and the general mindset can be annoying, but the annoyance of dealing with the assholes has been balanced for me by the pleasure of meeting decent people who respect my kink whether or not they happen to share it.

    I don’t always agree with 100% of what you have to say, but your blog is required reading for my prospective partners. There is a lot wrong with the culture of pro domming as it exists today, or more accurately with the culture and expectations of pro subs. Also there is a clearly hell of a lot wrong with some pro dommes. Bugfuck crazy much? But my belief is that no form of sex work should be stigmatized. Unless you can legally sell or rent it, you don’t really own it, and I think that needs to apply to women’s bodies too. That’s the ideal anyhow, but I’m also aware that the reality can be badly broken even when the ideal is a fundamentally a good one.

    Also, re: strap-ons. No, it’s not always like that. When I fuck with a cock, it’s because I am happily genderbending and having a hell of a good time letting my inner faggot out to play. I am not equating having a cock to being the dominant. I’m genderbending because that’s the energy that is really inside of me. I’m not – quite – a transman, but I’m definitely somewhere on that spectrum. Being able to grow a dick when I feel like it really works for me and expresses an important part of who I am.

    There is no gender bullshit when you both have dicks and you’re fucking, just cock and ass and tightness and heat and wet and a lot of primal growling, and it’s seriously fucking hot. With a Feeldoe (it’s basically a plug-in dick), I get full sensation, so it’s definitely something I enjoy doing *for me*. Not to cater to anyone else’s fantasy, and not because I have this weird idea that I have to have a cock in order to be dominant, or because I think being penetrated is inherently submissive. I just love fucking hot ass, so I do it for me. Not for him, and not for you either. If I’m catering to anyone, it’s my own inner faggot.

    Whatever strap-ons may mean to you, or to people who are stuck in the “traditional” unsexy femdom mindset that you’ve done such an excellent job of pointing out, they aren’t that to everyone. To me, it’s just my dick, and I love it. It gets me off in all kinds of ways, and it’s definitely a non negotiable part of my sexual repertoire.

    I will say that I’m really not interested in sticking my dick into the kind of woman-insulting, reverse-male-dom mindset you describe, which is why I strongly prefer bisexual male partners who can joyously receive my dominant energy no matter which gender I feel like expressing at the time. I have had a few primarily heterosexual partners who didn’t have a totally fucked up “cock = power, female/receptive = powerless” mindset, but they’re a hell of a lot rarer than queer boys who just like dick, and who like it just as much when it is attached to a female bodied dominant partner. Those are *fun* to fuck.

    But yes, I like dick! I like fucking with my dick and I like getting fucked with a dick. It’s all good and joyous, and there is no shame, stigma or automatic D/s dynamic attached to any of the specifics of these happy fun sex acts. That’s separate. But because I happen to be the dom, I get the dick I want. When I want it, where I want it, and how I want it. Makes perfectly good sense to me.

  28. Dear BJ,

    Again, thanks for writing.

    I wish you lots of joy, in whatever way. Joy on your own terms.

    You’ve had the perseverance to analyse and describe subjects where less perseverant people (such as me), before reading your texts, often had not moved much further than an exasperated ‘I’m so tired of strangers making sexist assumptions!’ stage. Exasperation in two main forms: ‘Why on earth do strangers who are themselves into kink assume nobody can possibly like what I like?’ and its counterpart ‘Why do strangers keep assuming I must certainly be into things I’m not into?’, along with miscellaneous exasperation about other humans pretending-and-posturing and being badgered to conform-and-perform.

    You’ve analysed not only specific sexist default assumptions, but also how and why people perpetuate them. And you’ve shown: being true to yourself, something else shines through the smoke of outside default assumptions and lies.

    What I especially like about you: You are honest. Honest about what you like, how it is for you. You don’t commoditise, gloss over, posture or pretend.

    This honesty will continue to inspire people regardless what their own preferences are.

    As you can write, I – like many others – look forward to reading pretty much any genre written by you, any time.

  29. misspiggy

    Thank you Bitchy. I didn’t know kink was broken when I started here – I’d come via the Girl and didn’t know kink even existed. You have given me three things that were badly missing in my life, in order of importance a) top quality writing by a woman that doesn’t make me cringe b) a meaningful, consistent and properly outraged feminist take on the world c) the discovery that I am submissive and lots of fun associated with that, and d) a new means of appreciating male beauty and hotness. Please tell us when you get published or wherever else you blog, I want to read your words (no matter what they’re about) again and again.

  30. Leah B

    All I can say is thank you, and I love you (not in a creepy stalker way, in that I-look-up-to-you-with-admiration way, I promise).

    I found your blog at the perfect time in my life and I am so glad I did, else I would have put my emerging dominant/ sadistic side in a coffin and thrown it over a waterfall, OR I’d be a bulging leather-clad slug in stilettos. You have saved me from two evils, and shown everyone (in my opinion) that “kinky” people are not required to morph into some preconceived idea of what they should be, but can maintain opinions and sense of self!

    Let us know how you’re doing from time to time?

  31. Wild applause… you’ll be missed!

    Warmest x

  32. Kellie

    Dear BJ,

    Thank you, not just for writting this blog but for giving me some kind of proof that there was at least one other person out there who was thinking/feeling like me. *wild applause*

  33. Thanks, Bitchy, for being there. Your words have meant a lot to me. Your words mattered and will continue to matter. Your words have helped others find the words they need, which is a priceless and very rare thing.

    I said it publicly, FWIW.

    I understand walking away. I will still hope to see you again, somewhere, someday.

  34. Sorry to see you go. You certainly started some rewiring of my cerebral circuits to see things from the other side, as it were. I’m still waiting for that female artist who is going to draw male submission in a way I can really only guess at.

    Perhaps, when it feels right, you might rebuild kink a little in your own fashion?-perhaps a short story using that obvious flair for writing in an engaging and amusing way?

  35. Fee

    I am still reading your blog. I don’t always agree with it, but it does make me think, and it made me formulate my own opinions. I enjoyed your voice, enjoyed the feeling that I was accessing your honest internal opinion about things, and I felt that I would have welcomed your opinions on other things too, less focussed, less concentrated on BDSM. I liked the honesty, felt you are someone I’d like too.

    I’m not convinced that kink is broken exactly… it seems to me that every relationship requires two people to try to fit physically, mentally, romantically, and sometimes domestically into each other, whatever the orientation, social pressures or group conventions…. Your blog is a call to assert ourselves and not to simply accept the BDSM accepted norms, which those of us in loving relationships ought to do anyway.

  36. You made me laugh, you made me think, and there were some really horny-making videos now and then.


  37. *applauds*

    You’ve made me think, pissed me off, and helped me learn how to appreciate the beauty of guys. Thank you!

    (And by the way, are you still going to be writing that novel?)

  38. fuzzy

    Thank you.

    Personally I agree with you. I think you said it clearly and made your point, and there is no sense banging your head against the wall.

    I tried through two wives and several girlfriends and a number of lovers to try to get my woman to understand that I liked being dominated insomuch as she liked dominating me. But that if the initiative was driven by me, fantasized by me, instituted by me, and catered only to my fantasies then it wasn’t what I was looking for. I felt like screaming “I am a man, not a horse!” so many times because we just weren’t speaking the same language.

    Keeping myself open to whatever they were interested in doing mostly just seemed to exacerbate the problem, making it that much more overwhelming for them to think about, as though there was something wrong with me wanting to cater to what she wanted. And people don’t like it when you tell them “think for yourself, schmuck”.

    But I’ve always been a freak in the BDSM world. Most of my ideas and tendencies just don’t fit in with the accepted nomenclatures and perspectives of the establishment BDSM folks, and the ingrained stereotypes and the narrowly defined “roles” they choose for themselves rarely had room for me. But I digress.

    Just knowing that there are women like you that really exist made me feel better about the world.

    So good luck! If you ever decide to do a blog about something else I’ll be interested in what you have to say “next time”.

  39. Bluebird

    Although this is not what I told the admissions committee at the graduate schools I’ve applied to, including Harvard, Yale, and Princeton, you have had greater influence on me as a scholar, a feminist, and a kinky, happy woman than any other individual, including Judith Butler, Jack Halberstam, and Michel Foucault. Thank you so much for your contributions and your spirit. If I knew your real name I’d dedicate my first book to you. As is, I’ll have to settle for the fabulous Bitchy Jones. You ought to be required reading. Bitchy, you are the best.

  40. will69b

    Oh well….You can always drop by and read up on Jennifer’s happenings….

    ….I’m a lurker, and will miss you.


  41. kelly

    but…well… what happened with Jack?

  42. Ms. Bitchy, you will be deeply and sorely missed. I hope that your new pursuits will provide comfort and an outlet to you.

  43. Darn, I meant ‘for’ you.

  44. Dave

    Lurker, read with interest and joy, thanks for everything . . . and all those that commented!


  45. Sky

    You are a beautiful writer. I hope you continue writing in some form, because you are fantastic at it.

    And, like many others I’m sure, reading this blog has opened doors in my sexuality that I didn’t even know were there. Thank you.

  46. fumbling

    Very sad to see you go, but thank you for this wonderful blog.

  47. I’m not planning to write about kink for a bit – but I guess I’ll come back to it someday. But the fact is it isn’t all that I am (it’s quite a small part really), which is yet another way in which the domlilady straight jacket don’t fit – and I have to express other things for a while.

    Sic transit gloria Bitchy.

    There are some of us who actually understand this. And it’s not just the femdom thing, it’s a large part of kink. Not everyone identifies what they enjoy with what they are. Hopefully, you’ll remember that you — and all the rest of us who understand — can still make a difference by being an example to people who haven’t gotten sucked into the morass.

    Be well, Beej. Please let us know how you’re doing.

  48. Persephone

    Your writing has meant a lot to me, too, over the years. Thanks sincerely for everything.

  49. Bonnie

    Sad to see you go…but at least it wasn’t with a whimper. Thank you for saying things, that needed to be said (LOL and even those that weren’t) You did, and will continue to make a difference.

  50. i’ll miss reading how you enjoy making men squirm.

  51. “I’m happy with what I did. ” – and yes you should be because it’s just great!

  52. Thanks for all the fantastic reading over the past few years. I honestly think you’re the best writer I have discovered online. The content’s great too, but even more than what you say, it’s how you say it that has made this blog truly exceptional.

    If you do decide to write more in the future, in whatever medium and about whatever subject, I’d love to read it.

    All the best

  53. Nev

    I’ve been missing you for a while now. And, yeah, the whole kink thing is buggered – but the good news is that there are people doing their own, filthy, depraved, disgusting thing – outside the established stereotypes.

    And most of those things are way, way more exciting than anything from Trust me.

    Come back when you’re ready….


  54. I love your articles too and, yes your are the best blogger I ever found on the internet!

  55. gw

    That was some powerful shit. I have never read anything you have ever written. In fact, I just sat down and googled “blogs” because I’ve never read any. In some sort of cosmic twist, I read yours and you are right where I am.

    Yes, I’ve never written about my ideas or opinions, that’s true, but those who are close to me know my views and I have been quite outspoken. But I’m done. I’m at the end. It’s all old now. It’s like the lights went out.

    I hope this means something new is about to happen. I have felt this way before in my life. 3 times, actually. Where I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and it’s all just nothing. I’m a fraud. Not that I don’t believe what I said or that I lied. It’s just that it’s done. Over.

    Durring one of these times a dear friend said I was in a “dark night of the soul.” A place where my ego has no clue where my soul is going.

    Good luck to you and thanks for your courage.


  56. I finally got your blog and it’s on temporary furlough. Beautifully written and thanks for your efforts. I look forward to reading back through the entries with wonder and pleasure.

  57. Damn, damn, damn, why does this always happen to me? I find a blog that I love, and the writer goes bye-bye. Oh well, there’s still the archive.

  58. Wow,It’s some.
    At least cool and serious porn site.It will be bookmarked for sure!

  59. S

    I enjoyed reading your blog. Best wishes for everything in your future. I agree that you said it all in the first few months too, but that’s because this is an extremely analytical topic, not a descriptive one. I think it attracted a niche, intellectual audience, and there are still too many people out there who don’t really understand what you say – but perhaps that’s a good way to filter the crap out. For those who get it, they will. SM is as complicated as self awareness, and I am in the belief that one either has it in them or doesn’t. It can’t be instilled without changing an entire intellectual upbringing. Some might think they have it, but don’t, but noone who does doesn’t know it.

    But it’s important we don’t get cynical about the lack of SM awareness. Feeling upset about it is good, but that shouldn’t interfere with things. It’s a struggle to do that. It’s sad, I agree, but we must keep going with it – for our own selves. Derive your pleasure from it, come what may. Play with yourself. Find imaginary friends. But get off on it. I believe in magic, and I believe that this power, if used here, will travel elsewhere too.

    Haven’t you thought of writing a novel? Or some short stories? Erotic kinky fiction?

  60. Great article, where is the blogger?

  61. westfal

    great blog Bitchy…will miss you!

  62. Hello Bitchy Jones,
    I’m not sure that you’ll read this, but maybe eventually. I didn’t start reading your blog until after it was finished basically. A man who is now my submissive pointed it out to me and it has been helpful in shaping my ideas about what female dominance can be. I’ve now started my own blog to help me continue to wade through my ideas on the matter. I haven’t lost hope yet!
    I doubt I’ll be as wonderfully acerbic as your good self, but I hope that can carry on what you started to some extent.

    Check me out: :)


  63. Ahhhhhh, I am over a year far too late! *dies* Your cutting wit, honesty, and ability to paraphrase my own thoughts had me hooked from the moment I remembered I’d found you yesterday. Yeah, over a year ago I bookmarked this page. :( I am sad to find most of the posts have gone by the way of delete.

    But what I have managed to read is gold. I am admittedly still finding myself as a dominant woman and the whole “real dommes do this, fake dommes do that” argument was really driving me crazy. I’m feeling much more comfortable, post blog read having rounded off my stance a bit more. I am thankful you decided to write this blog, even if it is no more.

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